To me, i feel that it was a breakthrough, for me and perhaps my family. Cuz it has been so many years since we last celebrated his birthday together as a family. past years, we used to give him an ang pow as he was always not keen to accept our invitation for a meal. He always claimed to be busy. But i think its more of avoiding...
for myself, i would say that it is God's grace that my relationship with my dad has improved over the recent years. i used to dislike him.... hate him to be exact. It is only recently i realise that the reason behind the hatred is due to disappointment. cuz my expectation for him. as my dad, is high and he didnt pass that, so i was sort of hurt, very much. but who is born to be a good parent? for most of their generation, it is through their own parents, they learnt about parenthood. i think he himself is also a victim of a malfunction family.
there were so much in him that i dislike. but sadly, after preparing for my couple group meeting, topic on our original family, i realise that i am so much like him. the temper, spending pattern and many more...
i was the one suggested this birthday lunching. of course with the support of my the another two elder sisters. during the lunch, i have certain gestures that i want to let him feel comfortable, accepted, happy and that he is important. i think my sisters might be quite shocked and uneasy esp when i presented (my creation using small cakes and a banana at the buffet counter) the cake and initiated to sing a birthday song. i know this is a crazy idea. but at that moment, my objective is to let him be happy. yes. i am sort of 'por-ing' him... it was very obvious. i did that cuz i want to let him know the family still care for him.
everybody needs to be loved and felt cared for. despite how wrong he was and how much he had hurt, i cant deny that he loves us, his children, very much. and i believe that, only love can turn him into a better person.
somehow, this reminded me, 14 years ago, i did the same thing to my beloved grandma (my dad's mum). that time i was 19 year old. none of her children bothered to initiate a celebration with her as a family cuz she was quite a difficult person to handle. i was the one who initiated a birthday party for her in a restaurant. i can still remember how happy she was. and i never regret doing so. though most of the guests who attended were there 'to eat' more than 'to bless', they even hardly interacted with her that night... but i am thankful for their presence. cuz it was their presence that make my ah ma happy, not the food, not the setting... its their attendance. cuz she felt that these people who attended, they bothered to come... i believed that if any guests whom she invited did not turn up, she would be very sad and disappointed.
there are so many things we can do to those people who love us and those people whom we love. Do it now, before they leave. my uncles and aunties now will pay respect at my ah ma's tomb on her death anniversary. i have never been there since that year she died. guess no one would dare to reprimand me about it (my grandma loved me very much when she lived). cuz i have done what i should and what i could when she could feel!
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