生命的幕后花絮

29/7/2011 外婆走了

2011-08-03T19:01:00.001+08:00

外婆走了。那位有8个儿女,很年轻就守寡,含辛茹苦地把儿女托大的"女强人"走了。她,留下了一群更加团结的儿女子孙,她更留下了她的坚强不屈不挠的精神。

有人说外婆是野蛮霸道的人,也有人说她是个恶婆娘。哈哈,我想我不否认。她确实有这样的形像!但,若她不如此,她怎么可能带领整个家走到今天?她不但要抚养孩子,还要保护整个家。

记得小时候的我对外婆和外婆家的印象并不好。因为小时的我在祖母(嬷嬷)家是小霸王,来到外婆(阿嬷)家觉得处处被针对,被不公平对待。由于我最爱的嬷嬷是胖胖的,所以面对瘦瘦的阿嬷时总感觉不到亲切感。

我记得小时阿嬷会非常早起身做笋果,然后推着她改造过的推车到巴刹售卖。她的笋果是在那一带蛮出名的。记得有顾客吃到药布、烟头的记录,但是这些事件都不曾影响她的生意。。。

自己稍大,回到自己家住后,常配妈妈去阿嬷家。从那时开始,对阿嬷和阿嬷家的感觉才渐渐好转。
在阿嬷的五天奔丧过程,我想了很多。其中我回想到当年自己对嬷嬷丧事处理过程的不满。

与当年一样,来探丧的人有些是让我十分不满的。他们吃喝也罢,还喝酒喝到满脸通红,带着几分醉意在那里大声说话,好像在party这样。真的当年的我看见这一幕时实在气刹!

我还看见丧家已经在心灵上难受了,还要为许多奇怪不必要的仪式搞到团团转,到最后连哀悼亡者的时间都没有,弄到奔丧的真正目的(缅怀死者)都没做。

记得我在嬷嬷去世时,我一心希望好好守在棺木旁,回忆和她的一切,珍惜每一她的"同在"时刻。由于当年我未信耶稣,也不明白人死后去向,我非常认真,盼望自己可以做到百分之百一的礼仪送她到最后。想奔丧应该就是这样,而不是忙于招呼人或准备有的没有的。。

老实说,身为基督徒,在这种道教仪式的丧礼总是为难。因我们知道我们除了真神以外,不可跪拜其他。其实我感矛盾。一方面不想错过送阿嬷,和与家人同渡艰难时刻(be there for the family)的这几天,另方面又害怕压力。原本我带着闪避态度,但我回想当年若在嬷嬷丧礼当中有带着这样闪避态度的基督徒,我就不会信耶稣了。

而且,我看见我妈妈已很伤心,还要忙礼仪,还要面对所谓的我可以不这样那样做的要求,我觉得这样我没有做到耶稣所教导的"做个好子女"的命令。所以,我告诉自己,我所做的,我为了在精神上支持我的母亲,我做。

耶稣说凡事都可做,但不要绊倒人。若当年,身为基督徒的二姐带着"我是基督徒,我不参加丧礼"的态度,我会被绊倒,死都恨死基督徒!

真是感叹!基督徒总是在这方面让人觉得高傲,没有亲和力!唉,不要这样啦!

真爱

2010-10-04T09:20:00.002+08:00

没有人有资格自夸自己的婚姻有多稳固。
没有一句爱的宣言是可靠的。
因为只要还没到达终点，
谁也不知会发生什么事。

看见时下年轻人爱到不把周围人看在眼里，大庭广众搂搂抱抱、亲来亲去，真的让我想上前问他们，爱情，就是这样的表现吗？如此行，是因真的爱到忘我，还是只是炫耀？是因爱到无法自拔，还是情欲无法自控？

什么是男女之爱？这样的爱是否有委身，是否有舍己精神？很悲哀的，许多公主王子的故事在最现实的部分才开始就结束了。它们总是用＂从此他们过着快乐的生活＂交代一切！哎，多少无知的人就因此陷入幻想不实际的爱情甜蜜当中。

记得自己二十来岁时，也对爱情充满憧憬。为什么是二十来岁才＂发春＂？哈，因为之前我和异性称兄道弟，没有想嫁的意念，一心想做女强人，把那些没用的男人踩死！所以读书时代，我是个tomboy。没人敢碰我！err 老实说，男人也没兴趣碰我！因为一点女人味都没有lor！直到上完中学，自己才慢慢在身份上＂清醒一点＂，然后理工学院毕业后才开始有明显＂回春＂现象！到了教会，自己才开始渴望嫁人！记得当年一直很怕自己嫁不出去，没人会要。毕竟，二十多岁还没恋爱经验的事实让我感情的信心非常低。记得当时牧师娘问我希望自己五年后会做什么时，我当时心想，我希望嫁给某某人，为他做饭生孩子，在家养育孩子。但当时我好像没有这样回答他。因为自己觉得这梦想太不长进了！哈哈！可五年后，这不长进的梦想真的落实ley！哈哈！

当时的渴望，让我今时想，＂哎，也不过如此嘛！＂真的，太阳底下没新事！我发现自己每来到个阶段当所渴望的达到后，就会觉得其实也没什么。。为何自己当初会这么紧张。。？为何当初不好好享受那时的状况。。我不是后悔，而是更加领悟圣经所说的＂凡事都有时＂这道理。等待有时是美的。可是我又想，若今天我还是孤家寡人，我还会这样潇洒吗？哈，我想我还是会紧张到要死要活咯！哎，人就是这样贱啦！哈哈！那又怎么说呢？人生就是如此！得不着时，又渴慕到~~。得到了，就会chey！！！（忘记感恩咯）

说回爱情，真正的爱，不应只是在责任上。因为这样的爱会演变成形式化！真正的爱情应是努力地爱如当初！如李资政说，＂娶（嫁）你所爱的，然后爱你所娶（嫁）的＂。

李资政夫妇的婚姻是圆满的！只有当爱情持续到其中一方的生命来到终点、即使生命结束了，还在怀念、思念，那才是真正的爱！有些夫妇只是形式化地生活在一起，因为责任，因为习惯，因为名份。那是悲哀的。那不是真爱！因为可能已经没有交流，更别说是默契了！这样的关系是脆弱的！这样的夫妇，应该找回当初的爱情，爱你所娶（嫁）的！而不是习惯或容忍你所娶（嫁）的！

愿上帝祝福每段婚姻和每个渴望结婚的人！阿门！

给咏恩的信（一）

2010-09-21T16:23:00.011+08:00

咏恩的学校需要咏恩与家人合拍的照片作特别作业。刚刚我在书房翻找适合的相片时，发现了当年刚生下咏恩时给她留下的信件。我记得当时我这么作是因为看了一部戏，故事是关于一个父亲得了癌症快离世了，于是便每天给自己快出世的宝贝录下自己与宝贝说话的片段，让孩子可以每天看见爸爸的样子和听爸爸说的话，直到宝宝三岁大为止。这情节让我留下深刻的印象。因此当时我也决定为我的咏恩留下' 情书'。

给咏恩的信有很多章。我会一段一段地与大家分享。

＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝

日期：2005 年1 月2 日（再多一个星期咏恩就满月了）

咏恩

很高兴，也很感谢神把你赐给我为女儿。你是一个聪明可爱的好孩子。虽然书刊上总说一个月大的孩子还不懂事，可我却相信在这个时候你已经懂得听话了。

你刚出世的时候，重有3.915KG，是一个大BABY。MUMMY 在生你的时候，伤口裂有“3RD DEGREE TEAR” （这是很严重的裂伤，再稍严重些，妈妈可能会下半身瘫痪或大小便失禁。）！医生在为MUMMY 缝伤口的时候，MUMMY 一直在忍痛。连 LAUGHING GAS （一种止痛的气）都无法让 MUMMY “ 免痛”。DADDY 当时还把手腕放在我的嘴边，他说我若真受不了的话可以咬他的手 ( 哈哈。。DADDY 多爱MUMMY！之后，他告诉MUMMY 整个生产的过程让他觉得很可怕！）。

但是，这些痛都是值得的。当我第一眼看见你的时候，我就爱上了你。你好可爱！长得好象小时候的DADDY。（这让我感到好骄傲。因为我觉得我送了DADDY 一份金钱买不到的最佳礼物－－我们爱的结晶）

MUMMY 很早以前就已决定要以母乳哺养你。因为一来可以为DADDY 省钱；二来，要给我的咏恩最好的食物（母乳比任何一样昂贵的奶粉更好）MUMMY 的这个决定需要我多么多的意志！因为你是大BABY，医院的护士小姐怕MUMMY 不够奶水供应你，加上你出世后的前几天吮吸能力不好，又爱睡，晚上不肯吮吸奶水，所以医院的护士曾好几回提议MUMMY 给你参奶粉喝。可妈妈死都不屈！

之后，你的黄旦指数偏高（高达340，正常指数是低过100，200 以上便需光疗，300 以上算很高。），医生怀疑是因母乳的关系，再加上黄旦需要喝多奶让BILIRUBIN （导致黄旦的色素，可以通过尿液和粪便排出体外）所以又建议MUMMY 给你喝奶粉。可是MUMMY 仍然坚持以母乳喂哺你。为了打倒医生护士们的所谓 “怕你喝不够”的论点，MUMMY 当时死命地用手挤奶，结果成功地挤出了很多奶给你喝。可MUMMY的坚持（或者说固执）让DADDY破财了。你因黄旦指数居高不下，结果在医院住了5天。这5天里， MUMMY没有离开你。MUMMY 舍不得离开你。好几次MUMMY都在暗暗哭泣，医院的护士还以为MUMMY患产后忧豫症！

最后，你出院了。MUMMY好开心。因为在医院里真的好辛苦。MUMMY的伤口很痛，看见你得要裸着身子蒙着双眼躺在硬绷绷的箱子里接受光疗更是让MUMMY心痛不已。且原本应在产后好好休息的MUMMY，必须半夜起身照顾你，我的身体实在快支撑不住了。但感谢神，他的力量与MUMMY 同在。

虽然你出院了，但MUMMY 还是得常常把你带去POLYCLINIC验血。由于MUMMY 一直坚持喂哺母乳，你的黄旦指数在出院后的第3天又恶劣了。直到圣诞节前夕，医生又提议我们把你带回医院，这回去KK。妈妈一听见又要去医院，整个人差点垮了下去。当时DADDY还跟MUMMY发脾气，可能是因为他也很担心、心烦，他怪MUMMY不让你晒太阳。可那是医生嘱咐不可以做的事嘛！！！

MUMMY 回到家收拾东西时心里一直在祷告。我告诉神这回我无法再陪你住医院了。一来我的身体已不行了；二来若我在那里照顾你，我肯定会一直把你抱出箱子，因为我不忍心在那里看着你在箱子里挣扎，而如此行肯定会使疗程缓慢。。

另一方面，我里头非常挣扎。我告诉神若我没有陪在你的身旁，让你一个人在那冷冷的箱子里接受灯疗，我便是一个差到极点的妈妈！我的心在那时非常的乱，不知如何是好。我一直抱着你，轻声地，泪流满面地跟你道歉着：“ 恩恩，对不起，这回妈妈无法陪你在医院里。可是并不是因为妈妈不要你，而是妈妈没有办法。。。”

就在那时候，外公刚好送鱼肉上我们家，得晓你又得回去医院，他立刻安排一辆德士载我们去。虽然在我们家楼下截德士并不难，但外公的这个举动让妈妈非常感动！我那时终于忍不住泪水，在外公面前泣不成声。（妈妈很少在别人面前哭成这样，尤其是在外公面前）这事以后，妈妈与外公的关系拉进了不少。感谢上帝！

真的是要将荣耀归给神！到了KK，你的黄旦指数竟然下降了一些！医生给你做了几项检验，证实你的黄旦与你的肝脏没有关系，或许是因母乳的关系才迟迟不退吧！最美的是，医生说你无需住院！

可以回家过圣诞，真是神的恩典！这事件的最大收获，就是妈妈与外公的关系拉进了不少（妈妈和外公原本是水火不容的）。咏恩记得，凡事要与人和睦，如罗马书12：18 说道“ 若能行，总要尽力与众人和睦。”

愿神祝福你的人际关系，让你是一个人见人爱，懂得体谅人的过失，原谅人的过犯的好孩子。啊们！

squeak squeak squeak....

2010-09-03T18:03:00.002+08:00

咱家最近家有喜事！在一个晚上，我突然听见仓鼠哭泣的声音。当时的我觉得很奇怪。因为我已经把两只仓鼠分开了，按理说它们没有打架争吵，应该不会发出哭声才对。我运用了我灵敏的听觉，相信声音是从母仓鼠的笼子里传来的。往内一望，我毅然发现了五只粉红色的小东西。“Oh my God!!!”我届时不断地重复这句话，心里即兴奋又不知所措，家里又有baby 罗！而且不是一个，而是五个ley!!!

之前家里增添了两只仓鼠，我便上网参考关于如何更好照顾它们的资讯。我记得当时我也有读到关于繁殖仓鼠的课题，但是由于当时并没有想到我们的仓鼠会在家里生产，所以并没有详细地阅读。当我看见小baby的时候，我即刻上网去找资料。真的，我因为这样，对仓鼠的认识又加深了。

这些小东西，我真是越看越喜欢，越养越疼惜。咏恩一直恳恳哀求我不要把小仓鼠给别人。其实我自己何尝舍得呀？我打从心里已决定要把它们收养了，只是东威并不怎么支持这决定。。。

小仓鼠出世第四天，我发现宝宝少了一只。我东搜西找，都不见踪影。最后，我不得不面对现实，鼠妈妈把她的一只宝宝给吞食了。虽然这事让我觉得好伤心，但是我并没有怪仓鼠妈妈。因为我知道她是因为担心自己没法应付才会这样做的。或许你觉得疯狂，但我每个晚上都会坐在笼子旁观察妈妈哺乳孩子们的情景。看见仓鼠妈妈对孩子们的无微不至的照顾，我真的感到被鼓励，也同时觉得自己能给勇杰哺乳是一件多么温馨的事。

从小小的仓鼠身上，我学到了不少，也领悟了很多。仓鼠也为我和咏恩勇齐打开了许多话匣子。可惜东威没有这时间与情趣，否则这肯定是他和孩子们加强亲子关系的桥梁！

$$$的牢骚

2010-08-10T20:28:00.004+08:00

记得当年读书时，拿的是父母给的零用钱，记得小二时妈妈会递给我一张十元，忘了是一星期或多久给一次。。。然后渐渐地，零用钱“涨价”到$20。中学时代是一星期$50,包括车资与午餐和文具、书籍开销等。理工学院时期，父亲会一次过存$1,000 入我的户口，每年的一月和七月就会这么作。

每回拿钱时，都会觉得非常“委屈”。因为每次都会有被“威胁”的感觉，印象是要拿他们的钱就得要听他们的话。而且每次花钱就会想到妈妈常提醒的话“赚钱不易，不要乱花钱！”我心里总是渴望自己能够快些出来工作赚钱，这样就无需向父母拿钱了。。。

还记得当年的我充满抱负。希望自己将来在事业上要有所成就，赚大钱，可以买公寓给妈妈，给妈妈很多零用钱，请嬷嬷去馆子吃饭，买车代步，载送嬷嬷和妈妈去兜风,买很多玩具给堂弟妹们。。。我也想把自己打扮得漂漂亮亮，不要结婚，不要被捆锁，享受自由的生活。。。

十五岁那年，通过亲戚的介绍，我到乌节路的一件饮食店作侍应生。每天都要开工，每天作十个钟头，一个月大概赚取$600。所以算起来，整个年底假期，我一共赚了$900! 哇，当时候的我觉得这数目是大的罗！

$900，扣除了自己的交通费用后，我请了嬷嬷和姑妈到肥仔荣海鲜馆子吃饭，买了玩具给我的堂弟妹玩，为我的一位自小被欺压虐待，没穿过新衣服的表哥梳妆一番。我带他去剪头发、买新衣裤和腰带，还有新皮鞋。他当时好开心喔！见到他开心，我也感到满足。:) 当然，我也把部分钱花在自己身上，其余的存入银行。

理工学院毕业后，我终于可以花自己赚的钱了。可惜，当时嬷嬷已经离开了。。这是我的遗憾！ :(

出来的第一份工作是Personnel consultant. 原本是到该agency找工作，没想到却被他们recruit加入他们。在这间公司作了大概3个月，觉得自己还不够“老练”，与顾客和求职者沟通时没有技巧和“熟度”，所以很多时候都被他们呼来唤去，象傀儡般地被操控。。所以便决定离开。

第二份工作是6个月的合约项目。当年Disney 在新加坡有维持3个月的大型演出兼佳年华会 Disneyfest SIngapore。我在里头被雇为Admin assistant to Director。衔头不错，因为有Director撑腰，大家都要给面子。但是行政工作却是呆板。老板是个大好人，对我没什么要求。大多数时候是去机场接老外（从美国、澳州等国家来的）、安排他们的住宿与交通，帮助他们申请工作证等。。还有一些琐碎的行政工作。。。

记得6个月约满后，老板有邀请我与团队一起到台湾去（他们演出的下一站）。但是我告诉他，若我还是要作同样的行政东西，那我不去了。。。哈，我在想，我若当年跟去了，结果会如何呢？可能会正式进入Disney公司（我假期打工期间也在Disney工作过罗），或可能嫁给其中一个老外。。。（我有个跟去的同事就是这样）

之后，我进入金融公司当“讨债鬼” (credit executive)。当中遇见几个好同事，现今仍联络。只是讨债生活叫我“看透红尘”！哈哈哈。。。厌倦了commercial的一切，想要转去做些与教会有关联的事务。

当时，教会属下的学生中心正需要老师。老实说，当时的我很讨厌小孩，因此我从没有想过要进入这个行业。但是，由于我目的是要做教会的事务，所以便答应了。一做就是4 年的时间！在当中，我学到好多好多。。。这份工作是给我最大满足感的工作！ :) 之后由于一些变化，我转到教会做行政人员。

在进入教会学生中心工作之前，我的开销很大。每周都会至少看一部电影，吃一顿大餐。每两到三个月就会上理发院给头发“进补”（难怪某某先生说我的头发迷人！哈！现在$有限，整个头好象“夏枯草”一样！！若他真的当年是因我的头发着迷，他现在一定很后悔！）

当年的理想、志愿，与现在的一切远远不及！我现在还是需要看人的脸色花钱！！！唉！！！！大大的唉哉呀！！！！一天工作待命24小时，即使是想出外偷闲也只能去不超过3个钟头，除非我把“任务”带在身边，我才可能去和“猪朋狗友”鬼混鬼混！头发嘛，剪短了，因天气和忙碌关系。同时也好看过一头长长的“夏枯草”。最多每一、两个月理一次头发，每次$12。

现在不要说给父母什么回馈，父母还要“倒贴”钱为我买食物做月子（我们要还但他们不肯收），我难得回娘家时，父亲还会塞钱给我搭德士回家。前阵子，父亲还说要订羊奶给勇齐喝，我实在不敢接受。。。

我觉得自己的的理想是多么的风光荣耀，但现实中，我最终走的路却是如此“卑微”的。昨天晚上我回想为什么会这样，是什么使得自己放下了起初的目标？若今天我把孩子们“丢”进托儿中心，自己出去工作赚钱，有了自己的钱，就可以让随己意让孩子们学钢琴、参加图工班，买玩具给孩子，带他们去玩、去吃，孩子们和丈夫会不会更开心呢？还是他们会宁可妈妈在家里陪伴他们呢？

我想，人活着不是为了吃喝玩乐。我在意我的孩子将来的救恩。我曾说过我的孩子是我的门徒，我要亲自带领他们，教导他们人生的一切。我想这就是我选择这道路的原因吧！我选择今天花钱时看人的脸色，因为我不愿在当我们老时，我们需要看孩子们的脸色。不禁让我联想，现今这么多人指责孩子们把老父母送进养老院，但为什么人们却不觉得父母将孩子们放在托儿中心有问题呢？其实，它们的运作大概相似，让外人看管自己的至亲，不是吗？

Pets

2010-08-03T10:06:00.003+08:00

hasnt blogged for almost a month... kekeke... paiseh! sorry to my faithful readers... was quite busy then... those who added me in their facebook would know that my son Yongqi was not well for a week. he had run high fever and my hubby and i (me esp) were super stressed! But thank God, he is well and healthy now... and his nonsense proves that he has regained all his “元气”! kekeke...

other than that, i have now two more babies to take care. my dad in law bought my yongen two lil hamsters... and attend to them become part of my motherhood task, of cuz, not forgetting to remind yongen they are her pets thus she needs to participate in all cleaning and maintanence job.

i was rather reluctant, in fact full of complain, when my father in law (FIL) brought home the two hamsters. i was thinking i am already busy enough with my three children and now i have two more to take care.. and i think there are more reasons hiding in me which i didnt know till now...

i was ( or maybe 'am') animals lover. i remember when i was young, i would go around confronting those who were cruel towards their pets or stray animals. when i was about seven or eight yrs old, i saw a bigger than me boy tugging a dog with a straw string tied to its neck. the poor fellow was growning in pain.. but the boy found it amusing with its cries... i was very pissed then... i ran to that boy, held up the doggy, pull and break the string, turned and walked away with the pup in my arm. the boy was shocked! he chased after me and shouted at me, wanted me to return his dog... after much confrontation, i wanted him to promise not to hurt the dog anymore, then handed him the dog... that boy at that moment was already in tears... he must be thinking, "who is this crazy girl...."

there was another time, there was an injured birdie at my school canteen.. the boys were surrounding it and saying what they would want to do with it... obviously what they said sounded unfriendly to me... thus i confronted them, picked up the birdie and walked away... i remember i handed the birdie to a pet shop keeper and requested him to take good care of it, as i had experienced birdie died under my care within one day... (kekeke)

also, whenever i saw cats or kittens near the road, i would always make sure i carried them to somewhere safe, at least not a place near busy traffic... and i have learnt not to play with cats at the bus stop cuz i thought it would be dangerous if they were to follow me when i board the bus...

i really loved animals! when i was young, i always browse books about animals. But i stopped doing so after one of my uncle told me i should read more enid blyton storybook instead of all these animal books... however, i hardly complete few story books then.. i dun really like to read friction stuff...

once my mum asked me what i wanna be when i grow up. i told her i wanna be a vet. i think to her, a vet is rather borliao thing (well, who knows now a vet earns more than a GP?!?!) thus to discourage me, she said in future the vet's job was to examine the cow and pig etc to see if they are well enough to be slaughtered... wow, she really hit the nail, upon hearing that, i gave up the idea to be a vet. cuz the task she described is the last thing i ever want to do in my entire life!!!

i also liked to keep animals when i was young. i had kept two dogs ( one of it was a dashund, which after nine months with me, eloped with a bitch and that made me cried for almost a year; the other one was a pug bitch, which was i think not well when given to us cuz it was very smelly and my mum couldnt stand it thus we sent it away within a month)...

then i had rabbit. my mum bought it for me after my constant pleading!!! (guess thats what my en did for her pet rabbit and hamsters.. Oh, she has a pet rabbit too at grandma's place) i loved it very much! we kept it in a fish tank... and one morning it died and i remembered i mourned like what till my mum couldnt tahan, she buried the body with me and even burnt joss stick and the 'kim jua' for it... kekeke... she wanted to console me la...

oh before that i oso had hamsters, white mice... oh ya, about 100 white mice! kekeke... my cousin and i kept them in a cupboard box at my granny place (my granny was very scared of mice) and i remembered once when we were watching tv at very late night, we saw one mouse, two, then three, running one by one across the room... and that night we ended up catching and hunting for each and everyone of them, and headcount to ensure we missed not a single of them! kekeke... it was fun!

so many animals i had encountered, i had loved and was hurt due to their death and loss... from then, my mum told me not to keep any cuz she didnt want to see me got hurt when i lost them... and myself also decided too not to keep any animals then and i have learnt to retrieve my love for animals too... so that i wont be hurt.

en's first pair of pets were a pair of terrapins that i bought for her. i thought they were supposed to be the toughest of all animals.. yet they still died! :( i was quite sad when the first one left... then i started to hardened my heart.. when the second one left, i felt almost nothing.

to me fish and terrapins are different from furry warm blooded animals. the later ones tend to engage me more... thus i did not want to keep any warm blooded animals until my FIL bought in the two hamsters.

at first, i tried to hold back my feeling twds these two fellows. until they started to fight and i realised the female has bitten the male one quite badly and everynight the squeaking for help made me frustrated... i suggested my hubby to seperate them but he said no need as he in fact dislike them wanted them to 'go' quickly. but i juz cant bear to see that.. and thank God, my cousin gave me another cage and i seperated the two immediately... at that time the male one was so badly hurt that it had bled le... when i seperated it, the male one was like looking at me and saying 'thank you!' and then it went to a corner and sleep soundly.... in my heart i was thinking, it had been few nights that it hadnt sleep so peacefully le...

now i enjoy sitting by the cage, look at them their behaviours and feed them their favourite carrot. and other then shopping for my children, i also like to shop for toys and snack and stuff for the hamsters!!! i am so crazy into it now.... (haha... think my hubby foresee that thus he so scare to keep them! kekeke...)

well, having these two lil things is quite fun actually. and by changing the cage and playing with them, my bonding with yongen actually grows stronger... looking at her, i see myself when i was young. juz hope that she is able to cope withthe loss better than i do when the day comes...

The pregnancy game

2010-07-08T22:09:00.005+08:00

someone who is very close with me is pregnant! woohoo~~ i am so happy for her!

her pregnancy makes me 'itchy' again! kekeke... ya, itch to get pregnant....

i super like to get pregnant. I love the feeling of carrying a life in my womb, feel its every movement... i love the waiting moments at the hospital to meet my newborn and i like confinement food. definitely, i love to cuddle my cutie oso! :)

many who know me call me 'pervert' cuz i tell them i love to go thru labor.. labor to me is 'easy pizzy lemon squeezy' (en teach me this... kekeke) .

during yongen's time, i was scheduled to do induce labour on 40th weeks 2nd days. However, on the 40th weeks 1st day 5am, my water bag broke. i still remember i was so happy and excited, i washed my hair and bathed, got to the coffeeshop to eat my kuay teow soup, then my hubby and i took a cab to the hospital. in the cab, my hubby was busy wiping the water that came from my water bag.. (oops, so sorry mr taxi driver for dirtying your cab...) when we reached the hospital, i was put on drip at about 9am. after about four hours of waiting, the doc arrived and got me ready for delivery. seriously, i felt no pain at all. Thus, i dun have any urge to push lor... i did feel backache thou... doc asked me to push... i did. but still it was not coming out... after some pushing, the hair of baby finally was seen... but then, there wasnt any improvement after that... therefore the doc decided to use vacum. first time, the vacum fell off... second time, the vacum worked. and i was told i had 3rd degree tear... due to big baby... sometimes near 2pm, yongen arrived! she weighed 3.915kg... think she was the biggest one in the nursery at that time. can u imagine i put on total of 23kg during the pregnancy? so heavy!

after 13 months, i conceived Yongqi. this fellow, like his sister, is a full term fellow... (gestation more than 38 weeks is considered full term baby le) due to dw's working schedule, we scheduled yongqi to be induced on the 39th week 5th day gestation. early in the morning that day, i woke up around same time as yongen's time, did the same ritual as yongen's time... then head to the hospital with dw. same thing, 9am put on the drip, around 1.30pm, the contraction came. this time i did feel the contraction... which is good cuz it gave me urge to push. true enough, 3 pushes, out came yongqi. swee swee... 3.975kg. 60g heavier than his sister. i onli put on 15kg for this pregnancy.

2008 sep, i conceived without knowing... but after 9 weeks, i was told that the foetus did not grow and its heartbeat had stopped at week 6. thus, i went thru a d&c to remove the tissue. it was a heartbreaking experience for me... if that pregnancy was successful, it would be our annivesary gift as our wedding anniversary falls on 28th june and its EDD was 26 June 09.

God is faithful. After the miscarriage, i prayed hard for another baby. dw, for the first time, desired for another baby too (during en and qi time, dw was happy but not so much of desire and anticipation ). in july 09, i conceived yongjie. my pregnancy with yongjie was a totally different experience. for the first two, i was a grumpy expecting mum... but for yongjie's case, i was bubbly and cheerful. i had joy in me.

yongjie is also a full term fellow. also due to dw's work schedule, we decided to induce yongjie on the 39th week 3rd day of gestation. same thing happened that morning except this time i admitted the hospital by myself. dw needed to teach that day. we planned it this way cuz at that time my doc said yongjie was still not low enough thus could not break the waterbag manually. they needed to insert a special capsule in me to made the baby come down and also kick off the dilation. and the capsule needed 6 hours to take effect. so the capsule was inserted at 7am. 1pm they put me on drip. by then dw had finished his teaching and arrived hospital. at about 4.20pm, tan yongjie arrived. weighing 4.015kg (kekeke). and guess what? though he is the heaviest, i only put on total pregnancy weight of 11kg this time... :)

for me, giving birth is like hen lays eggs... and i really enjoy it lor... however, not all people around me encourage me to get pregnant again... most importantly, my manufacturing partner, ie. my hubby, decided that we shall stop at 3....

its ok. i shall enjoy my 3 precious children, accompany them, participate in their childhood days, let me stay in their childhood memories... :)

Our children, our future... is our responsibility....

2010-07-08T15:53:00.009+08:00

woohoo... i simply love to see my friends leave messages in my cbox... i feel motivated and encouraged to blog more...

my yongjie is 15 weeks old le... he is sooo cute especially with his new 'hair style'.

i feel that he looks like young yongqi... both botak with rounded face.. very adorable!!! below are yongjie and yongqi botak pics...

recently i have been surfing youtube to watch videos on fetus development, abortion and babies who are born with damages... i really feel that every single healthy child is God's miracle and grace... they are all precious and deserved to be loved and protected!

i feel so angry when i see videos on abortion. they labelled the video as 'silent scream'. expert said that the fetus can actually feel the pain when it is being forcefully sucked out of the mum's womb. one ultrasound even shows that the fetus' mouth was opened when the sucking tube was inserted to suck it out.. it is believed that the fetus was screaming in pain!

en came near me when i was watching 'silent scream'. she asked me what is the clip about so i explained to her. i said that some irresponsible women did not protect themselves, slept around with guys and got themselves pregnant. as they were not married, they decided to kill their own babies. then i went on lecturing her that one is only allowed to sleep with the guy whom one is married to. we should only sleep with that man after we got married to him. we should only get ourselves pregnant after we are married.

well, i guess that is the simple version of sex and moral education... i remember last time my mum used to lecture me in this area too. she used to warn me not to let any guy touch my body. she also taught me to protect my chest and body in crowded area... many of my friends ever told me that my this concept is already out dated... i should not be so 'lao gu dong'... as the younger generation nowadays are more opened and mature than my generation. the world around us has changed. the younger generation should change with the world and not stay at my time...

yes i do agree that the world has changed... but not all changes are 'to be better' changes! most changes are deteriorating! especially in the aspects of value, fillial piety, morale... the media has so much influence on the younger generation. if parents fail to explain to their children what have happened around us, the media will do.. and it will be according to the media's values... and what is the media's value? a very gd example is the advertisment of 'eclipse'. a pc of refreshing candy, then eclipse took place and the woman started kissing a stranger on his lip... RUBBISH! TRASH! i criticised this adv in front of my kids whenever we see it on tv...

of course there are also good advertisment like macdonald's '$4.50 lunch on weekend' whereby the army guy treated his family lunch at macdonald...but if without an adult's hi-lighting, i think teens only got the message of cheap EVM at macdonald also available on weekend lunch, who would notice the pleasing look on the daddy's face and got 'inspired' to buy parents a meal or two (although teens have not much money, like that army guy)?

what i am trying to say is that we as parents, should spend times to impart our values, morale and belief to our children. Never ever allow others, especially the media, to do that on our behalf!

Why chinese should not have Christrian name...

2010-07-02T16:21:00.002+08:00

hmm... was spring cleaning my email inbox.. then come across this mail that was sent by one of my church 'pig fri dog end'... it is still so funny when i read it again...
Following is the content of the mail:

Confusing Chinese Names

Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?

Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!

Operator : You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Caller : I'm Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It's urgent.

Operator : I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about?

Caller : Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one)has involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one)got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan (everyone) is on his way to the hospital.

Operator : Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgen t matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!

Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator : I'm Saw Lee (Sorry).

Caller : Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!!
======================================================

This is hilarious ...

Why Chinese shouldn't have Christian names:

Anne Chang => Dirty (Mandarin)
Anne Chin => Keep Quiet (Mandarin)
Faye Chen => Dusty (Mandarin)
Carl Cheng => Buttock (Hokkien)
Monica Cheng => Touching your buttocks (Hokkien)
Lucy Leow => You are dead (Hokkien)
Jane Tan => Frying eggs (Mandarin)
Suzie Leow => Lose till death (Hokkien)
Henry Mah => Hate your mum (Mandarin)
Corrine Tai => Poor fellow (Hokkien)
Paul Chan => Bankrupt (Mandarin)
Nelson Tan => Bird laying eggs (Mandarin)
Leslie Tong => Rubbish Bin (Mandarin)
Carmen Teng => Leg hair long (Hokkien)
Connie Mah => Call your mother (Cantonese)
Danny See => Squeeze you to death (Hokkien)
Rosie Teng => Screws and nails (Hokkien)
Pete Tsai => Nose droppings (Hokkien)
Macy Koh => Never die before (Cantonese)

kekeke... guess thats why my boss does not like to name my kids any Christian names. kekeke...

MORNING WAR

2010-06-30T10:11:00.002+08:00

A war took place at my home this morning.

As i lowered my hp volume last night, this morning its alarm was only loud enough for waking ants.. yes.. ANTS!! so soft lor... that i didnt hear it...

ya, i missed the wake up alarm! i am suppose to wake up at 7.08am (odd time huh? 2 min grace is for me to laze and stretch la...) but i did not... then yongjie started go 'kek kek kek' (its not the kekeke laugh that we use to kno... the kek kek kek is the sound he makes to tell me 'MILK TIME!') then i woke up! SHIT! it was already 7.25am lor!!! the school bus will be fetching the kids at 7.40am!!! i jumped up, calling loud to wake the kids... En was beside me (she sneaked into my bed after daddy went to work), so she could feel the urgency.. without delay, her engine started, which is GOOD!!!

next thing, i dashed into the kids room to wake yongqi... waking up yongqi normally is a simple task... juz play with him, tickle him... then his engine will be started.. but not today!! i was sooooo gan jiong... i pulled his leg and shook his body, calling out loudly to ask him to wake up...

at this time, the kek kek kek of yongjie had turned to waaaa waaa waa (cry liao lor).... so bor bian, i dashed back to my room, picked him up and ran back to qi... he still kun-ing lor!!! walau!!! i was soooo.... i threatened that i was getting the cane le... then he started to whine and dragged himself out of the bed... i thought he went to brush his teeth.. bor lor... he sat at the living room with his drooping eyes... i was soooo anxious... i shouted at him again and this time he shouted back '我不要刷牙！' wah... seriously, i was not in the mood for such nonsense... straight away i lifted the cane and PIA~~~ ane he started to yell!!!!!

finally he dragged himself to the toilet... still stood there and show me his angry face with both hand on waist lor!!! WAAAAAA~~~~~~~ i .... 忍～～～～～ (at this time yongjie alr buay tahan liao... he started to cry again as i was loud and he was hungry... so i latched him on... as for en, she alr at the kitchen munching her hotdog bun breakfast) then i threatened qi again "fine, dun brush your teeth... DUN BRUSH!!!! ( to deal with yongqi, you muz also sing 反调to poke him...)let the bus aunty and the children see how dirty you r... later i will juz pushed you out of the door when the sch bus come!" (this is the 老调that i always use on yongen... and it works for yongqi!!!) so with the 老调+反调, yongqi finally admit 输掉！kekeke.. i won!

then i asked en to put down her bun to change first... i was still latching yongjie this time.. so i couldnt really move alot... therefore i requested yongen to help dress yongqi. and she did.. nice job (though slow) done! thumb up for en! after then she dressed herself... i was feeling relieved that en was able to help me... but at this point, i suddenly heard a "BOM" sound! shit! i kno what it was... it was the bus aunty slamming the bus (actually a sch van) door.... meaning, the sch bus arrived and the aunty was coming up for them!!! (aunty is very kind. she knows that the kids will go down by themselves so when she does not see the kids when reaches our place, she will normally go to the staircase, or even to our door step to fetch them) thus once again i got tensed up le... i quickly unlatched jie (leave him to cry again), opened the door for aunty and got the kids to wear their shoes... aunty helped yongqi to wear socks and shoes... then she brought both them to the bus...

PHEW!!! war finally ended... but due to the shock, yongjie was unwilling to let go of me... thus i allowed him to suckle to sleep...

really hope that such thing will not happen again... though this morning was tough, i am very touched and pleased with yongen's help... no doubt she can be very irritating sometimes, she can be a good girl and helper too... and thanks to yongjie, who woke me up... my poor yongqi, until he left for school, i was still unable to hug him and sayang him... he was still in sleepy mode lor... haiz... later hug him more when he return....

I thank God for my precious cute children! :))

妈妈的虚荣心

2010-06-21T16:56:00.004+08:00

hey i change my blog skin... finally... and i like it... it gives me a coool feeeeeling in this hooooot weather period... yay...

am a proud and happy mummy reently... yongjie is sooooooooooo cute and BIG! oh he got a nice 外号， i call him kong bah... kekeke... cute name ya?

aaaahhhhaaa... u muz have noticed my style of talking has changed also... talk younger huh? ya... its june holiday and during this period i have been crazily talking with a young fellow... hey u kno who u r.. hey pumpkin... yes its u... see i mention u here... hey pumpkin...

while i am writing my blog... this pumpkin is bombarding me with sms (at my hubby's phone, cuz he is my hubby's student)... ok la pumpkin... "THANK YOU" for whatever reason u juz wan someone to say that to you... kekeke... lalala~~~

yongjie will be 3 months old in 3 days time... he is a real big guy... he is currently wearing L size diaper and 6 - 12 months clothings... anything that fit below 6 months dun fit him anymore... phew!!!! realli BIG huh?

his birth weight was 4.015kg. at one month old, he was 6.12kg and two months old, he was 8.16kg! i wonder how heavy he would be next week when he needs to go for his 3 months check up...

i always like to bring my children to routine checkup at polyclinic. cuz many people, especially those parents who are carrying similar sized babies, will look at my child. then they will tidak boleh tahan come ask me how old is my child. when i tell them the answer, i will focus on their face cuz their shocking face will give my great sense of satisfaction! not only that, they will then proceed to ask me what brand of formula do i feed my child... then i will proudly announced: full breastfeed! kekeke... this is 妈妈的虚荣心！

that day our whole family went to window shop. at a traffic juction, we met a pair of parents with a 10 months old baby in the pram. the daddy kept looking at yongjie in our pram. then he started asking how old is yongjie. i told him he is 2 half months. he was sooooo shocked! his eyes were popping out and mouth was wide opened! he turned to his wife and said with astonishment, "2 half months! look at his thigh, is so big! bigger than ours! ours is 10 months ley! theirs is 2 half months!!! wow!!!" the mum face was like not very 'song' like that (aiya, if me, i also no song... kekeke... u kno, its a hidden kind of competition among mummies... its there, but unsaid!!! kekeke... winner is soooo obvious everytime... kekeke) then the dad still buay tahan... he let go of his child and move over to our pram... he wanted to take a closer look at yongjie... as he looked he made a 'jio jio jio' kind of sound... the kind of sound one would make when either see something awsome or kena irritated... this case, its obvious 'awsome'! kekeke...

ok... let me make a guess... i think next week when i weigh yongjie, i wont be surprise he hit number around 10kg... ok, i think he is 9.5kg then... kekeke lets see if i am right... this is a humble quote from me though... kekeke... anyone want join in the game? kekeke...

meet the parent session

2010-05-26T18:16:00.002+08:00

today the kindergarten conducted a meet the parent session... dw went with us!!!

it was the first time dw visited their school since the kids are officially students of the kindergarten. the first and only time was when we registered for en...

the children and i were very happy to have their daddy with us to the school... really... its sooo difficult to have such opportunity...

yongen's teacher commented that en tends to be a dreamer in class! she tends to do her work very slowly...i am quite shocked to hear that cuz she has been fast worker at home! she also need to correct her writing posture as she always rest her head on the table when she does her work..

as expected, yongqi is one of the favourit boi to his teachers... his form techer commented that he would do something funny in the middle of lesson time in class to make everybody laugh. ha! in another word, clown of the class!!!! hahaha....

the chinese teacher commented that the children are very close to each other... the teacher feels that its so pleasing to see them love each other and their new brother as they keep talking abt yongjie at school. once yongqi punched yongen, the teachers lectured qi that he should not do that but guess what en said... she said,"its ok. though he hit me, i still love him cuz he is my brother!" the teacher said that all teachers were so touched to hear that! based on the progress book and the feedback from the teachers, i guess overall, yongen attain a grade of B+ (or A-) while yongqi has attained a C! that guy! still blur blur yet can give ppl a shock once in a while when he displays his unexpected capabilities...

i feel that its important to meet the teachers although the kids are still so young cuz by doing that, we get to kno how our kids r doing in sch and we also converse to the kids that 'hey, mummy is uodated with what u have done in sch.....

妈妈的心

2010-05-19T10:42:00.003+08:00

勇杰今天满八周！好快！

我喜欢看着勇杰睡觉的样子。好可爱！虽然晚上时段让他搞得晕头转向，甚至有不好的埋怨词句，但是，一看见熟睡时的他，就忍不住要亲吻他的小脸蛋。他真的好可爱！

在看着他熟睡的样子时，我想我应该常常提醒自己，怀里所抱的宝贝，是上帝赐我的恩典啊！真的。每一个孩子顺利的出世，且是平安，且是健康正常的，都是神的恩典！我相信每一个做妈妈的，都知道我在说什么。。。

在怀勇杰的时候，我很担心。因前一次不好的经历，我实在害怕恶梦会重演。当我怀勇杰（其实在怀咏恩和勇齐时也是如此）进入第二孕期时，我又担心孩子是否会正常、健康。。。这样的担心，所有的担心，总是有增无减地折磨我直到我和肚子里的孩子见面为止！

每一次的祷告，我都会不忘为孩子的健康与智慧祷告。每一次提及我的梦想、愿望，我都是希望我的孩子们健康、有智慧且永远蒙住喜悦、保守，永远走在主的道路上。。。

看见许多时下青少年在自己的身上打孔、刺青，在健康上不自我珍惜，与他人殴打、吸烟、嗑毒，我就为他们的父母心痛。我回想我的咏恩和勇齐（尤其咏恩）在出世不久，因黄旦需入院作灯疗时，我不放心，牺牲自己做月应该多休息的需要，到医院陪伴孩子的日子。尤其记得因为当时是第一胎，而且咏恩的黄旦指数非常高，所以自己常常在医院偷偷地哭泣。。

更糟的是，咏恩在两周大时，医生发现她的一条心血管没有完全关闭，所以严格上来说，咏恩是需要长期做心脏检查，直到她动手术将这问题解决为止。这事让我非常心痛和内疚。虽然医生说这事与我无关，但我还是怪自己。。。真的，即使是用自己的生命或健康对换孩子的康复，我什么都愿意。。

妈妈的心就是如此。其实，爸爸的心也是一样疼惜子女，只是他们比较理智（女人比较感性），而且他们都不善于表达爱意，所以常常让孩子们觉得爸爸没有妈妈那样慈爱。或许，有时是爸爸（有些'严肃'的妈妈也是如此）还在学习当中。。怎么说呢？父母职责也是需要学习的呀！只是因为妈妈十月怀胎，所以比爸爸更先一步接触了宝宝，学习了为人母的特性。。。

主啊，求你保守所有的孩子们与父母们，让他们之间有美好的关系，晓得如何沟通。主啊，尤其是当他们步入叛逆期时，求你加倍地保守他们，救他们脱离凶恶，不叫他们遇见试探。谢谢主，奉耶稣的名祷，啊们！

thinking back...

2010-04-29T13:58:00.004+08:00

Yongjie is 5 weeks old today. he is a strong and healthy boy. Thank God!

thinking back, 5 weeks ago i was anticipating the arrival of Yongjie... and i could still remember how hard i pushed this big fellow out of me.. kekeke...

thinking further back... ten yrs ago during this period, i was still wondering whether i will be married off.. kekeke... i was still single then, being left on the shelf, covered with spider web all over me...

i had never dare to dream of my wedding since i always thought i would never get married...to me, having the guy i love to love me as well was a fairy tale to me. and this fairy tale actually happened!and i could still remember how much tears i shed during our church ceremony.. tears of thankfulness and happiness...its was like at the end of all fairy tale, "the prince and the princess live happily everafter..."

well, not quite so, i would say... its just another phrase of life, another learning journey. Dating allows two persons to get to know more of each other's beauty... gotten married and spend lives together allow, i would say, teaches us how to accept each other's ugliness...
this is too realistic to be part of fairy tale thus the story always stop after it mentions the prince and princess got married... kekeke...

spending lives together, seeing and accepting each othet ugliness, learning to let each other's ugliness become part of each other's life... this is interestesting! dw and i are like two pcs puzzle that fit together to form picture. my strength covers up his weakness and his strength balance up my shortcoming points.. though we criticised each other at time (esp i would do that.. keke paiseh.. u know woman like to exercise their mouth alot), we know in out heart very well we are made to help each other. i thank God, for this relationship. and i thank God, i am no more on the shelf. kekeke...

now the most amazing and thankful thing is, dw and i are blessed with 3 children. gosh, not 1 or 2 but 3! what a good incredible number! most people will go wow when they hear the number '3' as nowadays young ppl like us will onli opt for 2... further more, 1st one is gal and 2nd one is boy, sooo perfect le, y go for third one, people we meet would ask us... kekeke... answer is, dw like to have 3 and i dun mind having more... cuz i enjoy childbirthing... kekeke yes, i am pervertish!

2 boys 1 girl is so perfect to us. this is exactly what we wanted. though my ideal position was let the last one be gal... but God is good. En, as the eldest gal help alot. she is a good helper, though at time she also problem creators... hahaha...

God is good to us. I pray that our family, our children will be faithful servants to God and let HIM use them almightily. i pray that my children will never stray away from God. Amen!

shoo shoo jaundice!!!

2010-04-21T15:54:00.003+08:00

time flies... confinement over soon... nanny will be leaving tomorrow. thank God and thank for meizhen who recommended this nanny to me. she is different compare to my first two... my previous confinement were, i cant wait for nanny to go back so that i can handle the baby myself... for this time round, i feel bit sad that she leaving soon :(.... frankly, at first i did have some complain of her... hehe... i find her quite kaypo... but later then, i find that other than tt, she is ok... (oh... to yongen, nanny is too naggy... kekeke... can see that yongen and nanny do not like each other... once caught en whispered to nanny "you dun keep saying me hor (in chinese)" i find it so funny... but of course i did not laugh it out la)

yongqi's onli problem now is his jaundice... its still in an upward trend despite he is already 27 days old... doctor from polyclinic has done thyroid test, urine test, liver test on him le.. all tests are cleared (thx God)... so now dr suspect that its prolonged jaundice due to breastmilk.. but dr also commented that at this age, even it is bm jaundice, the index should be maintained at certain level, if not down trend... thus he is worry that it might be due to some other hidden reason...

dr advised me to introduce formula for at least 2 days before the next test so as to prove that it is indeed due to breastmilk... i was very reluctant to do that! my friend suggested that i could instead of doing what the dr advised, alternate feed the baby with bm and formula... hmm... i dun feel gd abt giving in to formula la...

yesterday we went for another check up... the jaundice was still going up.. dr asked us to check again coming friday. if it still uptrend, then they will refer us to kk for thorough check...

haiz... i was rather worried abt fri jaundice check... if we really need to go to kk, then it would be quite troublesome... what if yongjie need to be admitted to kk? noooo..... at that point of time, i was really "six gods no main" (in chinese, liu shen wu zhu)... i called kk lactation nurse, east shore lactation nurse and breastfeeding support group to leave messages. after then, i was too 'luan', i asked my nanny to go to super market to purchase a tin of formula powder. i decided to adopt the alternate feeding schedule.

later then all the parties returned me calls... all of them encouraged me to continue with breastfeeding. they assured me that even it is bm jaundice, the jaundice wont do any harm to the baby. if the jaundice is due to other reason, then bm is even more essential to curb the prob. they also said that i should encourage yongjie to drink even more so that he can pass out the bilirubin in his poo... the breastfeeding support person, after hearing that when i am feeding jie, he always squim and twist, keep popping the nipple in and out... the person said maybe yongjie wanted to pee or poo but he did not want to do it in the diaper... she forwarded some info on this to me...

in the evenning, we gave yongjie his first formula feed. after 3 hours, i latched him for bm. he didnt take much. he even puked on me! i was soooo frustrated!!!!

at night, i tossed and turned. i prayed in my heart, asked God for guidance and wisdom. should i continue with the formula? or press on to feed him my bm? the thought of next feeding would be formula again made me feel guilty and angry with myself!

thus at that moment, i decided to give up the formula, press on with my bm. and after reading the breastfeeding support person's email, i took out jie's diaper today and put him on potty after he squimed and twisted, popped my nipple during feeding. and woohoo.... he really pee and poo! i was so happy! kekeke... very the good leh!!!!

really need to pray for yongjie! Og God, pls heal yongjie his jaundice. let the index come down. thank you God! in Jesus name, Amen!

Many many thoughts...

2010-04-05T14:38:00.004+08:00

Yongjie is 12 days old le... Everything is good and fine! I really thank God for all things. I never know how blessed I am till my confinement nanny keeps saying I very 'yong' (fit) and recover very fast.. She told me many of mummies she attended took abt two weeks to recover from wound, whereas I look so well since the day she saw me (which is day 2 after given birth).. She commented I dun look like like I just given birth at all! Praise God!

Really thank God for good milk flow and supply! Yongjie has been very well fed since day 4 and now he will always pay me with a big 'burp' after each meal! Kekeke....

The another thing to give thank is yongjie's jaundice. Though it's still under observation by Polyclinic, doc said he is mature enough so need not phototheraphy. Woohoo! So glad that he dun need to return to the hospital for light like his two elder siblings. (I was actually in stdndby mode that he would be the same as en and Qi lor)

yongjie really makes me proud of him.. He is so adorable and alert. He could trace noise and turn towards it.. He gives good eye contact. He is very mature.. He also establish good latch on skill since he was two days old. Very clever boy indeed.

Yesterday friends from mer visited me. Before they left, my lady friend hugged me. The hug sent me into thoughts again.. I remember end of 2008 the same friend hugged me to console me lost of yongle. Ya I suddenly thought of yongle... I never forget abt yongle. I will always remember to claim him from Jesus when I get to heaven. :))

yesterday dw brought Qi to the church. I was sort of quite worry abt him as he just recovered from viral fever. Thus I sent SMS to some of my trusted friends, asking them to monitor Qi and not let him take heaty or cold stuff.. Really thank God for these church sisters. Cuz of them, I can be very 'fang xin'! Ya, thanks alot sisters. Love u all so much! Thanks for taking care of my kids..

Really have many thoughts... Guess I have too much time... Kekeke... Really thank God for my hubby my children my parents my siblings my in laws my church sis n bros..... Thank you all! Muck!!

recuperating at home

2010-03-27T19:47:00.003+08:00

woohoo.. yongjie has finally meet the world... he is soooo cute...
he is indeed a big baby... weighing 4.015kg, head circumference of 37cm and length of 53cm!
hmm.... this time, though the gynae told me it would be a long labor, it was still the same 3hrs wait after the drip... (not taking the pill insertion time into consideration...)

the contraction started after the drip was used on me... i experimented the use of the laughing gas and realise that by using it, the contraction comes closer and more intense... meaning the process will be faster than when i use the breadthing technic to conquer my pain...

i started my drip at 1.35pm after the gynae break my water bag. she instructed the midwife to check on me at 4.30pm to see if i have any further dilation... she told me that if by then i was still not dilated, she would consider giving me c section. and of course she also instructed, in case i have the 'pang sai' feeling, i can get the midwife to check my dilation...

at about 3pm, i was getting bored and thought that maybe a check of dilation may motivate me to go on... so i pressed the nurse bell to request for a check... but the midwife refused to check on me.. she said that the gynae instructed to check at 4.30pm unless i have the 'pang sai' urge... else its better not to check too often... so i no choice, back to my waiting boredom...

at about 3.45pm, i thought i was having the pang sai feeling le.. though not very intensive... i wanted the midwife to check my dilation. so i sort of exaggerated my pang sai urge... the midwife (happen to be another one, not knowing the gynae's instruction one) checked on me and told me its 6cm dilated.. i was so happy to hear that and i told her she should call the gynae le as from my past experiences, 6cm to 10cm could be very fast happening for me.... from there on, i started to use my laughing gas more frequently...

the midwife called the gynae and passed me a message that she was on the way.. in case the contraction comes again, just use the gas.. do not push.. let the dilation reaches 10cm first...

as time passed, the contraction is really intensed... the pang sai feeling is so XXXXXXXX and i really feel like pushing le....but i couldnt! so i lept using the gas, suck suck suck till i high high high.... then when my contraction ceased, i would shout 'where is the doctor?'

finally the pushing urge was unbearable le... the midwife told me if i had to push, then do it slowly... and i did according to instruction.. finally BLINK* my gynae sppeared! wow... so happy and glad!!!

ok pushing excercise finally to be administered! hey i realised i had not much strength to push hard eh!!! the midwives held my thigh, my hubby by my side, lifted my head forward... arrrr~~~~~~~ damn! the head is sooo big lor....but still need to push eh.... so i pushed... and finally the head emerged... and from there, its the gan jiong part... as my bb shoulder could be slightly bigger than his head... so once the head emerged, its important to push all the way so that his shoulder wont be stucked in there (which is my gynae's biggest worry) so the atmosphere was sooo tensed... the midwives pushed my thigh further (and they were lucky i didnt kicked them) and my gynae stood up to encouraged me... my hubby kept asking me to push.... what a BIG SHIT!!!! ARRRRRR~~~~~ ya... and the big shit finally out!

phew! when the weighing machine showed 4.015kg... i felt as if i got my result slip from an important exam like that.... and the result was indeed worth to be proud of... kekeke... i hit my targeted weight for this baby... above 4kg!!!

thank God! i am recuperating well! the wound is not painful anymore... the bleeding is not that much le... even the milk flow is good now (on day 4 lor)... just now after feeding my lil boy, he return me with a big BURP!!! kekeke... thats very satisfying!!!

now what we are to fight against is the jaundice threat. we have to go to the polyclinic to have yongjie's blood checked on monday... keeping our fingers crossed... may the Lord bless yongjie...

also another prayer requirment is that yongjie has to adjust his morning and night routine... he should wake more in the day and sleep more in the night... last night he wasnt very co operative... yet today whole day, he slept peacefully... lil terrorist! but he is cute! very cute terrorist!

oh ya, dreamt of my en and qi last night also... i dreamt that cuixian jie, with dw's consent, has arranged to give my qi away... i was so sad... i saw qi with his 'foster daddy' and i wanted my qi back yet they refused to let me get near him... sob sob... i cried... even till i woke from my dream.... i thought, 'no one is taking away any of my children!!! they are the most precious thing i have ever had!!!'

this dream made me miss my two children en and qi... its ok... they will be back tml... :) maybe when they back, i will start to call tolong and hope the weekend comes quickly so that they can be sent away again! :P kekeke...

Wait wait wait... To welcome my yongjie soon

2010-03-24T09:55:00.002+08:00

Here I am in the hospital... Damn! The place is having renovation so drilling noise on and off.. But come to think of it, also gd la, Bb come out will get use of noise!! Kekeke... Now monitoring Machine on me. I have managed to take quick nap of at least an hour... Hmm.. Quite comfy!! Jus now heard next labor ward's happening. The woman was screaming man!!! I was in my heart cheering and praying for her. The moment I heard the Bb crier, I was so happy that I almost reared for that mum! Well done mummy!! Kekeke...

I was quite worried yesterday when Gynae told me Bb is big and some scary news like I may need to wait very long this time bla bla bla... But somehoe choosing to come bac to Esh make me feel I made the right choice so far.. The place make me feel warmth and like at home.. I start to have peace the moment I entered the labor ward. The midwife assured me alot and I really appreciated.

Ok. Better savey iPhone batt for later use. Kekeke...

everything is ready for yongjie

2010-03-20T20:48:00.002+08:00

i will be 39 weeks pregnant tomorrow!!!! yay!!!! so, i just have to wait for another 6 days if i am to go into induce labor.... hmm... will yongjie come out by himself instead?!?!

everything is set up and packed and ready for yongjie le... at first, seeing dw so busy with his teaching, i planned to let yongjie sleep in playpen bassinet for the first 6 months as it is easier to dismantle and setup than the baby cot... i thought to help dw save time and energy for all these tasks.... thus, i managed to ask from my sis a hand down playpen... well... i would say setting up a playpen though not so tedious but needed some skill too.... hmm.... at least took dw and me two days to try and error...

after setting up the playpen, i realise that the bassinet is not what i thought to be... it is only a net cover that goes over the top of the playpen!!! ok my sis laughed at me said me turtle from the mountain!!!! but i really thought it is a hung solid based section... looking at the playpen with bassinet... i started to doubt my big baby can sleep in it for 6 months... perhaps 3 months is already quite 'maybe case' as my kids weight record at 3 months was 8 to 8.8kg!!!! and i started to picture how nanny gonna change his diaper on the flimsy bassinet... and i thought worst case, she would have to make use of the computer table as temporary changing table...

i did not discuss my concern with dw... but we seem to have similar concern over this matter.. (finally we are in same frequency!!! kekeke..) one evening, dw mentioned that the playpen is too flimsy for the baby... he said he would rather set up the baby cot, and would not mind to dismantle it again after one month to move it into our room.... i was so glad to hear this... and we spent the next day, whole afternoon, trying to dismantle the playpen... (ok to dismantle it also need skill la...) and also set up the baby cot...

now cot is ready, hospital bag is ready, baby clothings are washed... what else? i guess i have done all the necessary!!! i even trying to get my confinement menu plan done during these few days... i dun wan to miss any of the gd nutritious food... yummy...

tomorrow is sunday service... i need to go church tomorrow... i foresee brothers and sisters will start asking 'why are you still here?' again cuz they did that last week and i told them i will be giving birth on 18th... hmm.. maybe i should paste a paper across my chest and write 'will go into induce labour on 26th if he still refuse to come out himself by then...' and last week my church uncle was kind enough to send someone buy me my fav big prawn mee for my breakfast cuz he thought i am going into confinement soon lor... so sweet...

ok yongjie... listen... ur daddy only rented the condominium 'mummy's womb' for 40 weeks!!! and due to your size, the latest date you have to move out is 26th march. thus, please get yourself ready to move out... i know its a wonderful place in there with private swimming pool and suana jacuzzi... but the outside world is even more interesting and many are waiting to meet you!!! so COME OUT!!!!!

Love from mummy and daddy and sister yongen and brother yongqi... (kekeke)

wait wait wait....

2010-03-11T16:41:00.003+08:00

so when was the last time i blogged? kekeke... quite some times...

now i am 37 weeks 4 days pregnant!!! counting down counting down.... cant wait to see my little yongjie.... at first the gynae said wanna induce me at 38th weeks 4th days... which means exactly one week from now... but last week when i visited her, she said if cervix is not ready next wednesday, she would want to wait for another week!!! errrr~~~~ she has been quite flicker minded!!!! making me so confused!!!! anyway, i have prayed that God to take control of the date and timing... so i sort of have peace on this matter and decided to enjoy my waiting period.. (good thing is worth waiting...)

after discussion with dw, we agreed that if we are to wait for another one week, the best time to induce (if by then yongjie still refuse to come out himself) will be 26th Mar. As that day is a friday, i will have to admit the hospital myself while dw will join me after he finishes his teaching at school, which is abt 1pm... at that time, i should be having intensive contraction and ready to push lil fellow out (if the induce timing is similar to en and qi... both of them were induced at 9am and they were out at 2pm and 1.30pm respectively).. think like that also good.. dw can make good use of his time teach in sch and dun need to do any make up lesson after that... i quite like this arrangement...

so now i shall assume that yongjie will come out 26th instead... so count down count down... 15 more days to go.... count count count.... realise that i have waited for 37 weeks... yet another 2 weeks seem longer than 37!!!! errr~~~~ ok i shall be patient patient patient...

Thank God, my cousin is on school holiday till 18 April... so this period of time she will on and off be at my place help me entertain my two fellows so that i could have more time to rest... after i give birth, she will stay at my place during weekdays to help me attend to them so that the confinement nanny can concentrate on me and yongjie... i would say she is of great help!!!! really... but the only thing i worry is that after she leave, will the kids still demand that kind of entertainment which i will not be able to cater.... May the Lord help me in this area.. let the kids be able to enjoy ah yi's companionship, yet able to know that kind of companionship is a bonus.... and will not demand so after that...

friends out there, pls pray with me n keep me in ur prayer...
dear father God, please give me more wisdom, prepare my heart so tt i can effectively take care of my 3 kids. take control of the whole delivery process, clense every equipements that the medical staffs will be using to deliver yongjie... let the procedure be smooth and quick and painless... let yongjie be healthy and happy... thank you Lord for another precious child You are giving me. in Jesus name Amen...

give thanks

2010-02-01T16:30:00.003+08:00

have sorted and uploaded the children's growing up photos recently. by looking at the pics, many memories were flashed back.

the moment when i realised i was preggy with yongen... it was such a miracle to me... i thought i would have difficulty conceiving due to my irregular menses... even the doc also told me my chance is lower than normal women... but i was sooo keen to have a kid soon... actually for the sake of my in laws... cuz i thought they already near 70 and they would sure love to have at least a grandchild soon.... i myself grew up, being sooo close to my granny... thus i love my kids to have the 'granny love' kind of childhood too...

when i noticed my first preggy is a girl, i thought my in law and parents would be disappointed... i mean i thought most elderlys love to have grandson... in fact i myself felt disappointed and cried when the scan showed its a girl... dw and i kept thinking we would have a boy first... but later that, i apologosed to my unborn gal and accepted the fact... actually its good to have gal first.. she really helps alot...

after giving birth to my gal, i thought of having another boy asap... thought that it would be pleasing to my in law, hubby and of course my parents side... and i myself were hoping to parent a boy too... Thank God, he answered prayer. my second child is indeed a boy... a wonderful cute boy... but after having my boy, i realised my inlaw actually prefers gal to boy... hmmm~~~~

u wont believe this, while i was still in hospital after giving birth to my first two kids, i already hoping and planning in my mind when am i gonna have my next kid... kekeke... i am not intimidated by the child birth process at all... in fact i like the feel of giving birth... i love the anticipation... i enjoy the moment when i finally meet my tummy products... kekeke...

dw was the one who actually 'kiv' the third child arrival... and this made me thought he only wanted 2... later then he told me he didnt want me to be too stressed out... if the kids gap are close, it would be very difficult to handle... he said it would be ideal if the second one is 3 years gap from the third one... to me, its such a long wait....

when yongqi was about 2 years old, out of our expectation, i was pregnant! but that baby did not make it... i miscarried at week 6, only found out when it was at 9th week... that was a very big blow to both dw and i... even yongen was sad about the news. this experience really hit me hard... i treasure even more my pregnancy from then..

I waited and waited, prayed and prayed... asking God when would He send me another precious baby... My faithful God finally allow me to pregnant again 7 months after my miscarriage.. this time, i hope that it could be another boy... cuz dw wants another boy... and i guess my parent side would love to have one more grandson too... and my faithful God grants me my wish...

now i am 32 weeks preggy... since my gynae wants to induce me at week 38, i am 6 weeks away from meeting my yongjie... how excited i am... esp seeing friends' newborns around me popping out one by one... sooo looking forward...

i realised dw has been sooo busy recently eversince school reopens... he is as busy as that time when he first teach... i remember that time i was soooo depressed due to his busyness... when he gets busy, he gets tired. so i have to most time attend the kids myself... this time round, i find that i am able to handle his busyness better than last time.. maybe its cuz we both got used to each other style and routine so we know when we should step in and when we should give each other space... another reason is, the kids have grown big le... sometimes yongen can really help me alot, be it task wise or emotional sharing part... last time i had only dw to tslk to.. now yongen can be another listener and helper...

i really thank God for my family, hubby and children... other than that, my church my friends also contributed alot in my life. my church pig and dog friends never fail to help me attend my kids... they also helped me release very much of my stress too by asking me out to spend money... kekeke...i really feel blessed. really. thanks to all of you. thanks to my good and faithful God.

will be induced during march holiday

2010-01-28T12:30:00.003+08:00

i went for my gynae appointment yesterday. my appointment was supposed to be in the morning as there was another patient planning to undergo induce labour on the same day and was expected to deliver in the noon or afternoon... who knows, she was in natural labour early morning thus resulted the doctor needed to attend her first and came back to the clinic only at 11am... this really made me panic as my plan was to fetch the children and bring them to mac after my gynae appointment. the children's school ends at 11am!!!! Therefore, i started to call for help... but none was available... left with no choice, i called the kindergarten, requested them to keep my children for an extra hour while i would rush to fetch them before 12.10pm. thank God the kindergarten was willing to help... but they said this would be the one and only exception... in fact i could understand... if all parents have this kind of request, the kindergarten will be in difficult position... Really thank God that they were willing to make exceptional help...

during my discussion with my gynae, she told me base on my past two birthgiving records, the possibility that i will go into labour myself is not high. If thats is the case, she may need to induce me before my week 40 gestation cuz she does not want the baby to be too big. she hopes that the baby will not be more than 4kg as she hopes that she need not perform episiodomy on me... and i honestly confessed to her that i am also facing difficulty as in if i am to go into labour while my children and hubby are in the school, i would need to fetch my kids to a caregiver and admit to the hospital by myself as there is very low chance that i could contact my hubby once he is on duty in school. the chance that i will have to handle labour and childbirth by myself is quite high since my EDD is after the school term holiday... i asked her if i am to go into induce labour, can i choose it on 1 April then as 2 april is good friday, dw can accompany me... she said no as the baby by then would be really too big le... then she asked me would it be good if she induce me during the school holiday? and i told her of course it would be the best timing during the school holiday... but i really wish that my baby can be 'breed' till full term.. and she told me after week 37, it is considered full term le....if she induce me on the 15th march (ie on the monday of the holiday) i am already in the 38th weeks. so it should be fine... she told me for my case, it is really better to have a planned labour. cuz other than the above reasons, another reason is she stayed quite far away from east shore hospital (though her clinic is just bearby). In case i go into labour in the morning or evening (when she on the way home, near home) during the peak hour when there is heavy traffic jam, she may not be able to rush to the hospital on time. Thus the best thing is i go into labour when she is in her clinic... (the clinic is just two street away from the hospital)

after the discussion, we move on to the scan... though i have controlled my sugar level well, and i have only gained 700g, (in fact only 400g... after i clear my bowel at the clinic, i weighed myself again) my baby is growing big and has gained 700g, hitting the weight of 2kg at gestation of 31 weeks 3 days!!! my baby has a big head which measurement is equivalent to week 34 or 35!!! he also got big feet! measured 6.6cm (3 weeks ago was 5.5cm). trunk (body) wise he is about 33 weeks (ok with that)... and thigh is bit short, 30 plus weeks... after all the measurements, my gynae, once again confirmed it would be right decision to induce earlier.... the only problem now we facing is, the baby is still in breech position. so we need to pray for the baby to turn around before weeks 37. doc said baby would turn before week 37. after that, there is no much space for him to turn le... so please keep me in prayer. yong en prayed for me last night too...

doc said most probably she will induce me beginning of the week (ie, monday or tuesday) so that dw can have more time with me before school reopens... but the actual day is yet to be set... dw needs to give me a reply whether he is able to arrange his remedial classes on thursday and friday, or whether he has got any meeting on monday or so....haiz, so busy... till seh gia also need to be planned like this...

oh ya, also not forgetting wendy's request to enter labour ward with me to video the whole procedure... sorry wendy, the gynae said this is not encouraged. she said sometimes it could be very gan jiong and cramped when mummy starts delivering... thus 'extra person' should be kept minimum... plus the hospital also has policy not allowing people to video the whole process and private scene of the patient unless special permission granted for educational purpose...she said even the spouse, they are only allowed to video and take pic after the baby comes out... so answer to your request is no....

i really hope that this decision to induce at week 38th is a decision that the Lord allows. I am also praying that if the Lord does not like this decision, let me have no peace about it....

Oh God, please let me know if You are happy with all these decision....

Good year of blessingssssss.....

2010-01-14T12:54:00.003+08:00

Its the second week of school reopen... so far so good... the morning three hours free time is real good... for sleeping!!! kekeke....

Thank God, yongqi adapts well in school. he likes school very much. He would come back with chinese nursery rhyme and songs... he is also a 'chinese person' like his dad...

the funny thing was when we asked him what did the teacher tell him or teach him today, he would answered 'teacher said sit down'... kekeke... i guess he had been walking around in the classroom... today he told me when he reached home, 'teacher did not angry me' i asked him did he walk around in the class, he said no... kekeke... guess thats why the teacher was not angry with him today!

yongen started this year well too... i have been doing revision on addition and subtraction with her and she could handle them well... esp on addition, she could do addition up to 20..

she also passed her first chinese ting xie and english spelling well. she scored 2 upon 2 for the ting xie and 4 upon 5 for her spelling (mispelt 'brush' as 'brsh')... considering the amount of time she spent on her spelling, i think she was very good le...

this year is a good year, i believe. so much good things has happened in january (oh ya, yongen knows how to spell 'january' now, within 4 days after school started,.. i am so proud of her...) God will bless us even more in year 2010.

Firstly, the school my hubby teaches in has changed principal... and this principal, to me, is a more practical and family focused person...

secondly, my hubby's last year students had scored well in their O level maths. among the students he taught last year who took the O level exam, only one failed. and he said that the school's overall performance on maths has improved tremendously. Thank God for that.

Talking about O level exam, how can i not say my cousin's O level english result? finally she passed and clear her english paper!!! yay!!!! this is really a great news for us!!!! FYI, she has taken the exam 3 times... each time she improves by 1 grade. from E8 to C6!!! I have yet never heard of anyone who scored so badly in an exam, but pressed on till he/she passes... until my cousin did it! i really salute her perserverence!!! Well done, lin!!! i am proud of you! :))

next, of course, another blessing arriving and i have been waiting is the arrival of my yongjie, which will be end of march! The Lord has blessed my pregnancy soooo much.... He gives me the ability to make my sugar under good control and He also helps me to control my weight... so far when i was 7 months preggy, i only gained 7kg!!! compared to preggy when i carried yongen i gained 23kg and preggy with yongqi i gained 15 kg overall!!! kekeke... i believe after giving birth, i will slim down easily...

really thank God for this year so far... i am looking forward to count and witness the Lord's more blessing to coming... Amen!!!

新年的展望

2009-12-29T10:03:00.002+08:00

前些日子在网络上遇见二姐在线上，于是我们便闲聊了起来。

她问我对新的一年有什么新的展望？顿时之间，这问题似乎问倒我了。以往都喜欢在岁末写年录和新年展望的我，今年好象没有什么去想过这问题。是因为自己的脑袋不再思考了，还是因为自己已经在舒适的区域里麻木生活惯了，把一切理所当然化了？

其实不是自己没有展望。当二姐列出她认为是我新的一年的展望时，我都对她所列出的一一赞同。

首先，肯定是小宝贝勇杰的出世。我等了勇杰有一段日子了。可说是有一年之久吧！打从我上一次的怀孕失败后（去年11月的事），我和东威便渴慕快快再度怀孕。终于，上帝怜悯我们，让我在今年7月受孕，而且怀的是男孩。虽然咏恩和家翁家婆比较喜欢女孩，但是东威、我和许多的朋友都希望这一胎会是男孩。东威的原因是他觉得女孩到了一个阶段，他和孩子在身体接触上（如拥抱）会有一些限制（东威是一个很东方传统思想的人，他觉得男女应保持一些距离。。当然除了与伴侣之外。。。）我则希望勇齐会有一个玩伴（咏恩已经有3个表姐妹为伴了）。况且，东威和其他亲戚朋友的期望（希望孩子是男孩）也会多多少少影响我的期望。至于其他人的原因，那可要问他们了！！！嘻嘻嘻嘻！！！

我切切期待三月底的到来。其实来到这阶段，我想三个月并不难熬。再过几天，咏恩和勇齐就上学了。这是勇齐第一年上学。因此，我感到很兴奋。（对了，我希望两个孩子，尤其是勇齐，的身体会健康，抵抗力会很强）。我相信他会很喜欢学习。:)

他们上学，也就是说，我早上会有三个小时的空挡时间。我可以休息或用来完成还没完成的DVD学习。

开学的一个多月后就是华人新年了。这是我一直以来最喜欢的节日。今年很特别。因为是我第一次挺着个大肚子去拜年。我已经买好了过年的衣服。我迫不及待地想穿上它们游街去！当然，我也没有忘记为老公、孩子们添购新衣物的乐趣。其实自从我有了孩子之后，购买孩子们的物品似乎比购买自己的东西来得有趣！

过了华人新年，我就要为准备勇杰的衣物和床铺忙碌了。这真是叫我感到无比的兴奋！接着，就是好好地休息，养精畜锐地倒数日子！:)

我的预产期是在三月28日。就是学校term holiday 之后的一个星期。若是这一胎和以往两胎一样足月才生(满40周），我可能会面对自己一个人去医院的情景。我为此事祷告，求神让我在最好的时间分娩。好的时间的意思是，在勇杰足月，东威在我身边，咏恩、勇齐也有人帮我照料的情况下。我想不出有如此好的时间。但神的智慧高过我的智慧。我拭目以待他给我最好的时间。

我希望勇杰是个健康、快乐、乖巧且有智慧的好孩子。求神给我智慧来爱护他、教育他！

生产后，我希望自己能够坚持到底地给勇杰哺乳两年。我希望自己有足够的奶水，勇杰也会和我合作，晚上可以睡彻夜，好让我有足够的原因坚持到底（上一次我就是因为勇齐晚上每一、两个钟头就起来吮吸而决定在他10个月大时给他戒奶）！

另外，我希望自己在坐月子期间能好好地休息。我现在其实就已经很思念坐月子时吃的食物了。。。Yum Yum!!

说到吃，也让我想起我的另外一个期望。我希望生产完后可以瘦身，达到我刚结婚时的身材。。。嘻嘻嘻！！！我可是对这梦想充满憧憬喔！:)

最后，另一样让我兴奋的事是咏恩明年就要报读小学了。我希望她会顺利地进入工商小学。这学校是打从我搬到现在住的地方后就锁定的目标。

哈哈哈！我想这一些期望已经够我“忙”了吧！或许有人会纳闷为什么我没有提到关于自己的灵命或服事之类的期望。。。哈哈哈。。。孩子是上帝给的产业。我今年把焦点放在孩子和家庭身上，也就是将焦点放在服事上。我的孩子和家庭对我明年来说就是我服事的岗位。我会继续在咏恩的灵命方面打好基础，在勇齐的意识上让他认识上帝，在勇杰的属灵层面上迫切祷告。这就是我明年的服事。至于自己的灵命，我会继续在读经祷告的习惯上下更多苦功。。。求主耶稣与我同在，帮助我。愿我的展望是主所喜悦并愿意成全的。 Amen! :)

宝贝的名字出炉了！

2009-12-27T18:27:00.002+08:00

前阵子在Facebook里头表意希望朋友们可以帮忙提议小宝贝的名字。。。实在非常感谢许多愿意和我们一起绞尽脑汁的亲戚好友们。你们实在给了我们许多很好很好的名字。有些是很酷的名字，有些则带有你们打从心里的祝福。

当中很酷的名字有二姐提议的“勇翮 (he2)”其意思是勇敢的翅膀。还有东威的妹妹提出的“勇睿(rui4)”意思是勇敢又有智慧。说实在，我真的很喜欢这两个名字。无论意思或文字都很特别，非常有“墨水”！可见二姐和我小姑（东威的妹妹就是我的小姑）的语文程度是“dun play play”的！！！

另外也有我的“媳妇”昌冰（是的，她整天对我的勇齐虎视眈眈，几乎整个教会都听过她喊勇齐“相公”。所以我不是她的家婆是什么？kekeke...）好意的祝福，提议小宝贝的名字叫“永康”，因她说勇齐的身体好象不是很好（尤其是前两年），一直要看医生。她希望小宝贝的身体会很健康。因此便提议这名字。除了昌冰，我的阿姨，ah may，也有提议此名字。她的原因很好笑。她说《还珠格格》的五阿哥叫“永祺”(yongqi，与勇齐同音），那弟弟就和驸马一样名字，叫“永康”好了！（ehhh... Ah may 啊，驸马不叫永康，他叫尔康啦！！！）

另外，表妹慧敏也提供了“勇翔”，勇敢飞翔之含义。还有从前的上司提议的勇俊、勇乐。。。喜欢音乐的堂妹甚至提议“永乐”（yue4）等等等。。。

有了那么多超棒的名字，再加上之前我自己日想夜思的一些名字，我“呈上”了一份名单给我的生意伙伴“大股东”，也就是孩子的爸（不是吗？我们俩虽都各占50％的股份，我的职责是“酝酿”产品，他则是提供“原料”和接下来的 development investment（发展投资）。所以就运作守则来说，他扮演的角色非凡。因此，我想最关键的决定权应该来自他！

他当时一看，就非常果断地选了“勇杰”意思是勇敢又杰出。他说“杰”字比较容易写，以后小宝贝学写自己的名字时就不会那么痛苦。这一点我也真是同意。我可不想孩子因无法很好或正确地书写自己的名字而感到沮丧，甚至讨厌华文。。。况且，“勇杰”这个名字也蛮符合我对这小宝贝的期望与怀他的异象。

怀咏恩却还不知道自己已怀孕的时候，在一次的敬拜中，我告诉神我和我的孩子会一生敬拜他。因此，怀咏恩的异象是她是一个敬拜者，她要歌咏上帝的恩典。英文名字是Joen!

怀勇齐，但还不知道他的性别的时候，我在一次敬拜中看见一个年轻的壮年跳着战舞。接下来，有姐美为我祷告，说这孩子是上帝的勇士。因此勇齐的名字的意思是勇士所有特征都齐全了。英文名字为Joshua!

怀这一胎，我觉得这孩子会有大卫王的特征。大卫王，尽管自己不是什么“大”人物，但是当有人（哥利亚）亵渎上帝的名字的时候，他却勇敢且有信心地站出来阻止，且不靠兵器也不靠盔甲，单靠主耶和华的同在与力量，用简单的石头和吊索，便把比他高大几倍的敌人给打败了。

因此，勇杰，既勇敢又杰出，正合乎这异象。英文名字，我把他取为Joel！

再一次地感谢大家愿意为小宝贝的名字出一份力。希望大家会喜欢“勇杰”这个名字。在此祝福大家新年快乐！:)

Bintan family trip

2009-12-22T20:12:00.003+08:00

still remember me and my family went for genting and cameron highland last june... the experience was not very good as we were following tour package and we need to rush according to their itinarary...

This time we went Bintan and we decided not to go thru tour agent. we did booking of resort and ferry ticket ourselves. the whole thing was free and easy...

as we booked our own accomodation, we were able to state our preference... i requested for a ground level, garden facing, quiet and non smoking room. fine enough, our room was so marvellous! it turned out to be our dream room... staying in it alone was relaxing enough!!! the children simply enjoyed blowing bubbles at the balcony.. too bad, if we had brought a ball and a kite, everything would be so perfect!!!!

due to high budget put aside by boss for this trip, our spending power this time was higher... we ate good food in good atmosphered restaurant. thou it was not at the high end restaurant, i was happy enough with my boss's generosity! imagine spending $92 on a buffet dinner, $52 on a lunch and $65 on another alacarte dinner... wow!!!

We were lucky that there was a fireworks during our first night stay... the kids were so excited as the show was very near to our room... i was not as fortunate to be able to catch the show cuz i was busy making use of the bathtub available... kekeke...

I think the best part of the trip was we were very near to the beach.. and there were fish in the water!!!! Boss and maid (my hubby and i la) had great time catching fish by the sea water... while yongen explored along the beach and yongqi busy digging hole in the sand... all of us were dirty at the end of the beach visit.. but we wouldnt care much since our room was so near and it was a resort room!!! (kekeke... sorry la... if it was our own house then we need to worry how to keep the area clean ...

the kids tried something that they had never done before... they played bungy bounce!!! and they really enjoyed so much!!! yongqi kept saying 'bungy is fun'...

for me, there was a moment which i was really touched... there was a live band at the lobby in the evening... the songs that they presented were 90s songs... and they really reminded me of my young days... and for that moment i suddenly miss my peers and friends... thoughts of how i wished i am still single and free, and was with them, lazing at the lobby sofa enjoying the breeze and the band.... then suddenly, i wort of waken from the dream... telling myself i have no regret as i have a wonderful hubby and children.... i almost teared hugging my yongen at that moment...

overall, i really love the trip!!! i really thank my dear boss for initiating this breakaway. Thank you my dear! MUAK!

shoo shoo gestational diebetes...

2009-12-22T18:40:00.002+08:00

yoz, its been some times since i last blog.... my pregnancy is in my 26th weeks, which is 6 and half months le :). lil fellow is active. he has started to show his kicks and boxes... i enjoy seeing my tummy jerking side to side and lumps out of tummy... i really enjoy thou maybe little discomfort...

yesterday i went to my gynae for a glucose tolerant test. i was supposed to fast overnight then take blood then drink a very sweet syrup and test blood again 2 hours later... result is not good! my reading showed 11. which it is supposed to be below 7 lor.... thus my gynae is very concerned. she said that very high chance that i need to do insulin injection if the glucose level is this high. i am given 3 weeks to try out diet control to see if my glucose can be controlled.. if no, i need to inject myself with insulin.. yak!!!

how to test blood? i am asked to buy a glucometer, poke myself 6 times a day, twice a week, to check my level ad keep record of what my reading and what i eat... thru this, i realise that i am a 'live to eat' person.. feeling so miserable with this cant eat that cant eat kinda situation... haiz!!! Lord, please help me to get the glucose under control... i dun wan to do the insulin injection... please....

i was in the verge of having gestational diebetes too when i carried yongen and yongqi.. thus they were big babies... in fact due to this problem, my kids are not supposed to take too sweet stuff cuz their risk of having diabetes are higher than normal people... my gynae told me that my this lil fellow (in my tummy) will be a big fellow... his size now is 1kg and equivalent to 27th week pregnancy baby!!! she said he will sure hit 4kg and hopefully not too much beyond.. else i may need c-section!!!! Lord, help me to able to deliver this lil fellow naturally and may the delivery be smooth and good. Please protect him. Let him be a healthy and wise child. Thank you Lord, in Jesus name i pray, Amen!

梁文寧李麗娜李麗婷 - 童謠1987

2009-11-12T14:49:00.001+08:00

nice song for all children and parents :)

another teapot

2009-10-27T16:32:00.002+08:00

hahaha here i am blogging again... hope i still have readers here!!!

yesterday i went to visit my gynae.. as this is my 18th week pregnancy and during my last visit at week 15th the baby did not cooperate by opening its leg to show its gender, i really hope this time he would be more cooperative... i am really anxious to know is it a he or a she.

my original appointment date is supposed to be coming thursday. but since my friend was available to help me babysit my older children when they are napping at home, i must as well change the appointment date.. when i called the clinic, i was told that doc was waiting for call from the labor ward. ie. she was on a standby for a delivery case... and i managed to make my appointment at 3.15pm. (initially i wanted the 3.30pm slot but it was taken up so i took the 3.15pm one instead). my friend reached my place 2.30pm. and at that time if i took a bus to the clinic, i should be able to make it for my appointment. however, i have a feeling i should take a cab down and at the end i did. Thank God i did. As i reached earlier, i went in the room at about 3pm. and when i came out, the labor ward called for the doc. so the doc had to postpone all appointments and rushed to the hospital. i saw few angry patients, esp those who just reached from far away place by cab... well, i can understand their frustration. and i think if i were they, i would feel angry too. but come to think of it, who needed the doc more at that point of time? if i were the patient at the labor ward, i surely wanted my doc to fly over immdiately... hmm...

come back to the scan...
this lil fellow is really mischievious. he was literally in sitting position which according to my gynae, the most difficult position to see the gender... my gynae knew that i would be disappointed if we couldnt get to see the gender again, so she tried very hard, all ways, shook the baby... etc, to made lil fellow shift. finally she said she caught a view of what we wanted to see. but it was partially covered by the baby's foot. so it was not a clear view actually... thus she continue trying.. guess what, the very next moment, the baby used its hand to cover its private part!!!! alemak... the gynae really laughed... 'cute fellow' she said.

we kept trying.... till finally we caught the view of the little teapot. a clear one. so clear that i can even see... hahaha
ya, another boy on the way!!!!

back home, i told dw the baby is a boy. he is very happy. its exactly what he wants.then i broke the news to yongen... she been so hopeful that baby will be a girl so that the girl team at home will win.... i showed her the scan... explained to her each part of the pic. then pointing at the crucial part, i asked her do u know what is this? she shook her head. then i told her, 'its the kukujiao'
she looked at me stunned. and i asked, 'so u know this is didi or meimei?'
softly she answered,'didi' i said yes its didi... after i said that, she turned away with disappointment and refused to look at my tummy... she was really disappointed... she kept mumbling,' i dun wan didi. didi very naughty one' then i told her,'baby is so sad that jiejie dun like him... u know baby likes jiejie so much cuz since conceived jiejie has been praying for him... but now jiejie rejecting him... poor baby...' then she said,'but didi very naughty one. i dun like didi....' so i told her,'you can pray for didi now that he will be a good and obedient boy, will listen to jiejie...' after much psychoing, she finally accepted what i said and prayed for baby again and kissed it... hahaha... now she would on and off come to my tummy and sayang and play with her new didi...

really thank God for another teapot. in fact i think we need another boy la... recently qi kept saying he is a princess then imitate baby bob danced ballet step across the room... i keep correcting him that he is a prince, not princess... then at my mum side, all the cousins are gals, en's gang and playmates. it would be good that qi has a brother with him....

May the Lord bless this lil son of mine. let him be strong, healthy and safe. Thank God!

PDA Video

2009-10-16T20:56:00.001+08:00

this is what PDA closure all about. En will be undergoing the surgery Jan next yr. Please pray for smooth surgery...

update update update...

2009-10-07T16:29:00.002+08:00

Yoz, long time haven updated my blog.... kekeke...
finally the merlion syndrome has subsided... though it still come back once a while when i ate the wrong thing or when i was too hungry... ya.. i get hungry easily...

I am now moving into my 16 weeks pregnancy. yep, thats 4 months! but i dun look like i am 4 months lor.. i looked as if i am 5 or 6 months... yayaya... people play joke on me, saying even when i was not pregnant, my tummy was also that big.. thank you ar!

went for gynae check up last sat... hoping that the gynae could tell me the gender of the baby... but as i was made to wait more than half an hour outside, sitting on a comfortable couch, reading peacefully, lil fellow fell asleep in me, hiding at one corner of the womb.. resulted, cant see anything cuz he/she 'giap' tightly and no matter how the gynae shook, it refused to move.... so different from my last visit when he was soooooo active that the gynae had a difficult time measuring him...

ohhh... i cant wait for the time to come when i can feel his kick and movement... i told en that when it grows bigger it could even hi-5 with her!!!! kekeke... she is definitely excited. and she is also very sensible. she helped me with many chores... fold clothings, keep toys... etc

another update that worth mentioning.... yongqi has finally passed his 'without diaper during nap time' training. now he would wake up to pee into the toilet bowl when he needs to... hmm... think soon i will start train him for the night time one... i believe he is ready!

we have finally decided to let yongen undergo the surgery to close her heart murmur... her appointment will be next jan. we have waited for 5 yrs already and the doctor confirm that the murmur will not close by itself. i hope that during the school holiday, someone would cancel his appointment so that we could get an earlier date. i hope to get it done before she goes p1. and of course b4 i give birth cuz after giving birth i will be breastfeeding the baby so the baby will need to stay by my side 24 hours... in order to be able to attend to her in the hospital, i have to get her done asap. she needs to be hospitalised for 3 days for the surgery.

its not easy to come out with such decision. but i think we need to close it somehow. else it would be troublesome for en even when she grows up. she needs to do follow up with kk annually due to the murmur. and in case she needs any surgery, even as minor as dental case, she needs to remember to report her murmur condition so that special care has to be taken to avoid infection. in case infection does take place... it would be as serious as 3 weeks hospitalization case. right now, en still young. so every single procedure, i am going thru with her. and i always remember to report her murmur condition to any doctor she seeing. but i thought, say if one day, i am not around, then would the daddy remember to report the condition? will en herself remember to do so? or let say if any accident happen outside... no one would know such special medical need... and i also worry say if in future she undergoes childbirth... need c section... would the murmur cause complication? well, as i say, i cant be with her forever and every minute. once she hits p1, its another phrase in her life and before i realise, she has become independant... now i believe time really flies... not to mention when she hot p1, se actually has grown so much independant now... so many things, i leave it to herself. and she is managing well. the only thing she still yet to break thru, is to clean herself after she poos!!! hahaha... she simply refuse to try that!!!! hahaha... other than that, i allow her to wash her own cup and cookie bowl, fold clothings, change her own clothings after come back from school and hang her own uniform, shower herself (occasionally i do it for her esp when it comes to hair wash) and ensure that she throws her own laundry into the washing machine... she even requested me to allow her to prepare milk herself.. but since it involves some hygiene matter, i kiv it. hmm... maybe i should think of a way to do that... ya why not?

come to yongqi, as usual, my carefree and happy boy! ladies and aunties killer still... with his language skill now, he is even more loveable! sometimes he can be really sweet, asking me to be careful when he sees that the floor is wet, ask if it hurts when the hair dresser pulled my hair to cut... he also can consider independant actually... many times i left him on the rides when i hop into nearby store to buy somethings... and when he finishes, he would come look for me. once there was an auntie so afraid that he might get lost... she accompanied him to look for me.. hahaha he is simply to cute.

Thank God for all these experiences. I believe that the third child of mine will be another irresistible one!!! extra cute, extra wise, extra independant, extra adorable! Amen!!!
:)

Thank God

2009-08-27T16:49:00.000+08:00

It had been very difficult time for me past few weeks.... very unwell... befriended with merlion, threw out often.... staying awake became a chore to me.... got tired soooo easily... but good thing and i thank God. All these show that things are going on well.... :)

another thing to give thanks... my hubby is really caring and supportive this time... i can feel that the last experience had really hit him hard on his head... thus my mood is sooo much soother compared to my past preggy experiences.

children wise, they are so far so good. they are the most co-operative young children i believe. really need to praise them. esp yongen. she really is so sensible and caring. she is always the first one to rush into the toilet, pat on to my back and ask if i am ok whenever she heard me puking... every night she would pray for the baby... and its the most wonderful prayer i ever heard, really... i remember once she prayed so: "Thank you Jesus for giving us a baby. Please let the baby be happy and healthy. let mummy be comfortable. also bless didi co operate with mummy. let our baby has wisdom. can play with us. can learn ABC and 123... let him be like us. thank you Jesus. In Jesus' name, Amen." (she prayed in mandarin)

not only she prayed for the baby. she also prayed for her grandpa and grandma's salvation... and once, her prayer made me cry on the spot... " Dear Jesus, please let my gong gong and ma ma dun get old... let them be strong. they are also your 'bao bao' (means baby), YOu love them. please let them hear You and Your angels at night. let them believe in You, come to church with us to worship You. Thank you Jesus." this prayer really melted my heart... a simple yet touching prayer that i am unable to do....

Thank God that my children are so wonderful and beautiful. I believe that this coming one will be another attractive fellow too. I know it. We are already bonded... really look forward to meet this fellow... but it would be after cny... kekeke... what an exciting year to come...

Its soooo exciting....

2009-07-15T19:53:00.002+08:00

Something exciting coming on the way... I really like to share much but its not the right times yet.... God is faithful! It will be a brand new challenging start for us next year and in years to come... Am so excited about it...

(kekeke... the 'sell box' (mai guan zi) thing learn from my sis one... kekeke)

how to handle kids tantrum

2009-07-10T09:30:00.002+08:00

Bed Bugs- Preventions And Remedies

2009-07-06T15:09:00.001+08:00

this passage about bed bug is very good. indeed bed bug is obviously not welcomed in any home.... hope this is useful for all readers.
Bed Bugs- Preventions And Remedies

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May God give me wisdom

2009-06-26T08:22:00.002+08:00

Haiz... by friend's recommendation and testimony (he lose 10kg in one half month!!), i visited a MLM body wellness lab yesterday... the inbody analysis the consultant did with me showed me which part of me contributed the weight problem. frankly i was impressed with the machine they using... compared to the london weight, i would say that their consultation portion is indeed more professional.

products and packages were then recommended to me. vitamins supplement, appetite suppresser, cow's colostrum product, etc etc plus acupunture session and more inbody analysis.... total abt 2.7k! and she promised that i am able to lose 5 to 10kg within 3 months! well, it was indeed tempting at that moment.

but when i asked her what happen if in the midst of the treatment i got pregnant... she told me i could still continue taking some of the supplement but certain portion of prog needed to be kiv... upon hearing this i sort of retreat... i dun want the 'london weight' experience again... and oh ya... i haven completed my london weight package lor...

at the end, i only signed for the membership (10 dollars) cuz i guessed what i hoped for was they release me 'safely' plus i may indeed consider getting one or two of the product to try.. thank God the consultant did not bug me to sign the package.. though when i came out the sales director sort of did so which i was quite pissed off..that sales director, giving me the impression of typical 'MLM personel' which i hated most!!! he was trying to show me photos of his clients in his handphone... the past and present showing the result thing.. i was like hey you are not supposed to do tt!!!

Over the afternoon, i spent my time at a cafe reading their catelogue and think back of their products and offer... hey i realised that thou every weight problem case is different, all the treatment they recommending seems indifferent! its like treating all sickness with panadol like that... hmm... ok packge not in consideration!!!!

Talked to susan too on the phone yesterday... she advised me to keep the pregnancy plan 5 months later... so that it would be a year after my D&C (my D&C wsa last Nov). honestly, i really hate waitinig for so long... if i know i am ovulating at this minute i would rape my hubby man!!! kekeke... but the ovary seems not working hard... despite the homones pill i had taken for april and may... (i stop the june one due to the trip)... maybe the Lord knows my impatience... so He disallow me to ovulate?!?! dunno.. bu dong leh!!!!!

This morning i suddenly have an urge to discuss with my hubby whether should we really kiv the pregnancy plan, do some control for the next 3 to 4 months... so that i could go back to london weight to finish my course... the reason y i have the thought of slimming down before my pregnancy is cuz gynae ever told me that my ovulation problem is due to homones prob and the homones prob is causes by my weight prob... but yet... my weight prob is due to my homones prob also... ya sort of chain reaction... and also... if i get pregnant at my current weight, i think i would be even tougher for me to loose weight... but the thought of losing the chance of getting preg pulled me back... i really dun want to miss a single chance of it...

I am asking God what should i do...ok after susan's talk, i sort of not as gan jiong like last time le... last time i would feel depressed, disappointed and even angry everytime my test kit showed negative result... now at least i dun feel so and find that i should treasure the given time with my en and qi... before the third one arrives. hahaha... and another thing... i keep having this thought... when i get pregnant for my next child, i will make sure i pamper myself, buy nice nice maternity clothings to wear... i will extra pamper my third child, decorate his/her cot with cute stuff... make him/her comfortable, etc... cuz our plan is to have 3 children... thus the next one should be the last one le... haha scarly next pregnancy twins!!!! ooo... that will be fun!!!! kekeke...

Haiz, when will the next pregnancy arrives? i really look forward to the experience... i miss that kind of 'morning sickness' (yes, if you know that morning sickness actually confirms you that the bb is growing and doing well in your womb, you will sppreciate morning sickness), that kind of 'tian can jiao' or 'wu ying jiao' tt the bb gives in the womb and the moment when you meet him/her face to face... wow... really looking forward ley... waiting is always tough... but when it finally comes, the joy is tremendous!

back from malaysia

2009-06-23T15:00:00.002+08:00

yoz i am back from malaysia!!!
well i must say it was supposed to be fun...
supposed to be la..
but somehow turned out not as expected...
mainly due to following reasons:

1) with the two little monkeys was indeed not easy!!! now i start to appreciate my church family... cuz with them around during church camp, the monkeys were like angels!!! cuz they helped me tame the monkeys... and when monkeys with familiar people, they more stable... My en was quite out of hand and rude during the trip esp in the last day... she showed me face and talked back to me rudely... she even asked the other tour member to give her sweet when she was offering her own son some snacks... i was so angry and embarressed about this.. when she got home, i lectured her and caned her on her palm, telling her firmly where was her mistake...

2) ok we did nnot bring enough money.. we didnt want to change too much rm... so turne out we were poor over there.. we never expected the meals there could be so expensive!!! a meal of mac dinner and a meal of 2 bowl wantan mee and a prata cost us 150rm in total! we nearly fainted!!! the classic joke here was we used up all our wet tissue and dry tissue! and last day after lunch when i needed to poo, i had no more tissue... and stupid msia restaurant toilet no toilet paper one... urrrrgggg.... so while pooing, i searched into my pouch and woo woo woo, thank God i had two USED tissues in there... phew... and ya, i used them to clean my butt.. what to do? i am not courageous enough to use kok's method.. (ya he used his hand last time when he encountered the same situ...)

that's not the end of the story... when i happily come out of the toilet, my gal said she needed to go too... so in we went... still happy that theres no crowd in the toilet when she suddenly said,'mama i need to dabian!' upon hearing that i was so sooo soooooo fused up!i sort of raised my voice said ,'how to dabian? y you want dabian? tao yan ley! no paper le la!!!' then there was an auntie past by (a stranger) and said (in fact sort of lecture),' y you scold her? kid want dabian let her da la! what you scold her for?' then she tucked me her well kept dabian paper wrapped in plastic bag...

i was so... so... ashame of myself and also embarressed and angry and... that really spoil my mood!!!! and guess what, i just found out that we could actually use our atm card to draw money there lor!!! STUPID!!!!

3) The food there was great (other than the first day meal)... but the time was short!!:( by the time i fed the kids, they were going back to the coach le!!! sad! i could only stuff whatever i could in my mouth and go...

4) the thing that made me really frustrated was, the itinarary of the trip... it was stupid especially the third day one... we were brought to visit strawberry farm and BOH tea plantation and bla bla bla then the last stop was cactus valley which when we reach there was about 2pm... we were told it would be free and easy time till 5.30pm when we would meet for dinner at nearby restaurant!! the guide told us that the pasar malam nearby would be opened around 4.30pm so we could go there see see walk walk... to me, in fact to most of us this arrangement was kind of silly cuz we had many young kids in our group!! the timing gap would be great if they could arrange us to go back to hotel for the kids to nap or what... but the guide said the hotel was too far and it would be meaningless to go back for less than an hour then come out again... then i requested if we could stay in coach to let the kids sleep but he said cant cuz the driver would be leaving the coach so it must be locked! thus the whole afternoon, four of us were in the cactus valley, under a tree, letting the kids sleep on our lap...so unglam and think people kinda gave us that kind of 'waliew' look... but wat to do? as parent (esp mummy) we couldnt care much... the children's well being is of priority!!!!

lesson learnt: if next time we are to go for family trip again, we will get more church people or more familiar people to go with us... and, free and easy might be better for us instead of package trip...

anyway, i still give thanks. i would say it was a nice experience for the children. they were very happy. and i personally love the strawberry resort hotel's room, though the climbing of steps were horrifying... esp with luggauages...
i would say if the trip was without the kids, it would be so much nicer for me.. but i think with the kids, though some bad encounter, i still enjoy myself! yeah :)

You can see the trip photo at facebook.

Thank God

2009-05-24T22:13:00.002+08:00

recently got friends around me get pregnant. and i believe more to come as i think i can smell the scent of babies arriving... hahaha...

i am very happy for them. really. of course, the news of their pregnancies somehow do remind me of my yongle... you know, if he is still hanging there, i could have been moving around with big tummies... ya 36 weeks big tunmmy... and most probably i wouldnt have participated in the camp so actively....oh ya, and not the mtv.... though during my first two pregnancies i did silly and crazy things too... like camp performance, adminstration, scuba diving, in charge of flag days, organised ec anniversary, etc etc... haha... initially i thought i could be admin to mer couple camp, do ruwa and attend camp with yongle... and i thought i would stay in one person room at east shore hospital... i thought i thought... well, all became dream... yet to come true, but not with yongle anymore... since he is with Jesus le...

I am really happy for my friends. I thank God for them and i remember to pray for them. I even get yongen to involve. i told her about their pregnancies and ask her to pray for the babies while i will pray for the mummies. i am happy for them.

today i heard a touching news from my another friend. she was told by one of the pregnant friend not to let me know abt her pregnancy. the reason is she is worried that i would be reminded of what had happen to me last nov... thank you friend for your love and sensitivity. ya i definitely will be reminded. but i love you to share with me your good news. and i love to pray for you and your baby.

Lord, please take care of the mummies and their babies. Please keep them safe and healthy. Let the babies be normal and may their mummies pregnancies are smooth and well. Lord, keep the devils away from them. Let your mighty armies protect them every min and sec. Thank you Lord. In Jesus name i pray, Amen!

张克帆 - 爱错了

2009-05-23T14:08:00.003+08:00

also love this song and him....

永远是你/温兆伦

2009-05-23T14:08:00.001+08:00

i love this song... i love this guy....

mtv

2009-05-11T15:38:00.003+08:00

yesterday was a hectic day for me (and my church mates...) but it was definitely fun and meaningful!

after the church camp, many still remember the camp dance... so wendy suggested to make a mtv for the church camp dvd, with the photos in there... so that members can purchase the dvd...

so yesterday was the shooting. at first i thought it would be a simple an hour or so production... so were many cute bros who were being 'recruited' on the spot for the shooting. 'i thought i just need to do the 'oooooo', swinging my arms that's all in the toilet!' they said... hahaha... but our great famous talented producer cum director didnt think so... her idea was obviously more than what we had imagined!!!

we danced at differents places. toilet (yes, with the brush and mop), hall, carpark, wharehouse unloading area... (wanted to go for grass patch, but didnt)... we did many silly pose and dances, other than the standard dance steps of the camp dance....(oh ya, dirty dancing, sexy dancing, violent dancing, ah lian beng bouncing, and fishball silly visa dance... hahaha), the cool shoulder exercises (with the qian bian look, aiqin and huihui were so pro in that) according to the rythm when the lead do the solo silly dance (yuntian the funniest), and the what i call gorillas arm hang and shake (think shuiting did the best... hmm... but i still think shuilin look more like the jumpy gorri)... and more more more

the whole shooting took us more than 3, near 4 hours! everyone was soooooo tired by then... but we were so happy and pleased to participate in the shooting... everyone of us had very good laughing exercise while shooting and watching what we had done... laughed till we drop!!! really drop!

thanks to wendy who came out with this great idea of producing this dvd... thanks for everyone's hardwork. God knows your willing heart! and i thank God for my wonderful, precious, lovely, funny, dearest bros and sis.... muak love you all!!!

nowdays student's chinese standard...

2009-05-11T15:34:00.001+08:00

this post is copied from my sis's blog. so funny so i thought should share with you all...

现在的小孩子，造句一点也不认真...

1、题目：一边……一边……
小朋友写：他一边脱衣服，一边穿裤子。
老师批语：他到底是要脱还是要穿啊？

2、题目：其中
小朋友写：我的其中一只左脚受伤了。
老师批语：你是蜈蚣吗？

3、题目：陆陆续续
小朋友写：下班了，爸爸陆陆续续的回家了。
老师批语：你到底有几个爸爸呀？

4、题目：难过
小朋友写：我家门前有条水沟很难过。
老师批语：老师更难过。

5、题目：又……又……
小朋友写：我的妈妈又矮又高又胖又瘦。
老师批语；你的妈妈是变形金钢吗？

6、题目：你看
小朋友写：你看什么看！没看过啊
老师批语：没看过

7、题目：欣欣向荣
小朋友写：欣欣向荣荣告白。
老师批语：连续剧不要看太多了！

8、题目：好吃
小朋友写：好吃个屁。
老师批语：有些东西是不能吃的。

9、题目：天真
小朋友写：今天真热。
老师批语：你真天真。

10、题目：果然
小朋友写：昨天我吃水果，然后喝凉水。
老师批语：是词组，不能分开的。

11、题目：先……再……，例题：先吃饭，再冼澡。
小朋友写：先生，再见！
老师批语：想像力超过了地球人的智慧。

12、题目：况且
小朋友写：一列火车经过，况且况且况且况且况且况
老师批语：我死了算了

yongqi long bia

2009-05-08T10:26:00.007+08:00

1 may to 3 may, our whole family went melaka for church camp. the place is a kampong setting. the kids love the place very much. i was in charge of the program running. thus many sisters and brothers were helping me here and there to attend and entertain them. this is what i call family camp. i really thank God for every single of them. at first i thought of not bringing them, or just bring qi, to the camp as both were unwell few days before we set off. granny was still very worried of their well being and kept asking me not to bring them... at the end when she knew that qi was having fever, she even asked me not to go... but i told her i was in charge of program so i die die also have to go... Thank God, when they got there, they are all well and good... till now!!!

this morning as usual, i brought the kids to the void deck to wait for en's school bus. they were playing catch while waiting. after en boarded her bus, qi wanted to continue play catch with me. thus he ran very fast away from me... and the bad thing was, he ran with his head turned backward looking at me... he was running very fast... then i realised he was abt to hit a pillar. i called him and he turned... BANG!!! he hitted his forehead against the edge of the pillar. the impact was so hard that he literally bounced from the pillar onto the floor... OUCH! it was painfuli thought... and yes it was... and the worst thing i never thought of was, he started to bleed... then i realised he had a small but deep vertical cut at the center right of his forehead... Gosh! i panicked like what... i immediately used my palm to press hard on the wound to stop further bleeding... then i run around the void deck, asking myself what should i do... (yongqi pooed before he went downstair somemore lor... i thought should i bring him home to clean the poo first or what..) but the very thing i remember was, i prayed. asking my Lord to heal and cover him with His precious blood (oh ya, he already covered with blood actually, his own blood...) i carried him to my doorstep, realised that the bleeding was still quite bad, so i dashed down the stair again.. hailed a cab and off the changi hospital...

i really thank the cad driver who sent us to the hospital... i was so panicky and qi's face was covered with so much blood.. with palm still pressing on the wound, i kept talking to qi, making sure that he was conscious and responsive... he was ok... but looked tired.. i guess he was shocked. seeing this, the driver suggested us to go changi hospital instead of kk (kk and east shore were my list of hospital to go at that moment...) and when we reached there, he refused to receive payment. he asked me to quickly send the boy to the emergency clinic... really thank him so much. may God bless this malay driver abundantly...

at the hospital, yongi did not shed a tear. he was so quiet... the doc and nurses were so amazed by him.. they kept praising him that he is brave. even when they need to glue the wound (i was asked to choose stitching or glueing... to avoid going back to the hospital to remove the stitch, i chose glueing... but i have to be careful not to let him rub the wound and keep it out of water for 5 days), they put stick a gauze on the eyes to prevent the glue from getting into the eyes, he was calm and steady... at the same time, there was a lady who was in the same room receiving treatment from knee and palm injury (resulted from fall), she was making hissing noise when receiving treatment... haha... my boy so brave...

the doctor said that qi needs to be monitored for a few hours... in case any vomiting or high fever or other abnormal behavior. he needs to be rushed into the hospital... In Jesus' name, i claim that he will be ok!

as the cut is a vertical cut, doc said there will be a scar on the forehead in future... hahaha... guess what my respond was.. i said its ok, he is a boy, that will enhance his machoness!!!kekeke this reminded me of zhihao... when he git hurt on his forehead, i told him the same thing!!! then he asked me why not i purposely cut yongqi to enhance his machoness.... i told him of course i wont do that purposely la.... so HEY CHIN ZHIHAO, NOW MY BOY ALSo GOT THE SAME CUT AS YOU ALMOST AT THE SAME PLACE LOR... AND I AM OK WITH THE SCAR... HE LOOKS SO MACHO WITH IT!!!! kekeke...

when i get old

2009-04-27T15:51:00.002+08:00

saw this poem from my sis's blog. very touching so steal it for you.

<当我老了>
当我老了, 不再是原来的我,
请理解我, 对我有一点耐心.

当我把菜汤洒到自己的衣服上时,
当我忘记怎样系鞋带时,
请想一想当初我是如何手把手地教你.

当我一遍又一遍地重复你早已听腻的话语,
请耐心地听我说, 不要打断我.
你小的时候, 我不得不重复那个讲过千百遍的故事,
直到你进入梦乡.

当我需要你帮我洗澡时, 请不要责备我,
还记得小时候我千方百计哄你洗澡的情形吗?

当我对新科技和新事物不知所措时, 请不要嘲笑我,
想一想当初我怎样耐心地回答你的每一个"为什么".

当我由于双腿疲劳而无法行走时,
请伸出你年轻有力的手扶持我,
就象你小时候学习走路时, 我扶你那样.

当我突然忘记我们谈话的主题,
请给我一些时间让我回想.
其实对我来说, 谈论什么并不重要,
只要你能在一旁听我说, 我就很满足.

当你看着老去的我, 请不要悲伤.
理解我, 支持我. 就象你刚开始学习
如何生活时我对你那样.

当初我引导你走上人生的路
如今请陪伴我走完最后的路
给我你的爱和耐心, 我会报以感恩的微笑,
这微笑中凝结着我对你无限的爱..

niam niam cham

2009-04-27T15:19:00.003+08:00

today is a super hot day... 4 more days, i am heading to malacca for church camp. allie and i are the program ic.... we spent alot of time past few days preparing stuffs at the church...

while yongen was recovering from few days fever and cough, my dad in law 'kidnapped' her on thursday to his place. and good thing he did that, i brought yongqi to church to do some stuff without worrying en would have not enough rest....

my mum in law, after knowing that en had fever, she said that weather has not been very good so asked me not to bring the two fellows to the church camp.... thus, initial plan was i was to send the two kids to her before i set off on coming thursday....

over the last weekend, as i still had outstanding stuffs to do at church, yongqi was also sent to granny's house on saturday morning. both kids returned last night. yongqi had mild couging and experienced high temperature at 2am... his temperature is still on and off till this moment.

my mum in law called this morning. she told me she could help me take care of en but not qi... she said i need to bring qi with me to the camp. she said qi was sooooo rowdy and naughty over the weekend that the 'shushu' couldnt stand him... she said that little fellow had been screaming, throwing things around and knocking onto doors with toys... shushu was so frustrated that he threw away all qi's toy...
:( poor qi! at that moment, i dared not tell her that qi has fever....in case she nagged again,'church so important... everytime church.... never take care of your family, etc etc etc...' and last time whenever she said that i would laughingly said, ' yalor very important!'

i think i will let qi tag by my side more often... but that means, no more partoh time for me and hubby le... and ouch! we have planned june trip havent we?!?! sh*t! i dun want stay in singapore this june!!!!!!! any samaritan around help to take care of qi?!?!?! plzzzzzzz :_( sob sob...

just now brought the kids to ica to collect their new passport. the weather was soooo hot that i think it made me feel goggy.... qi, alr feverish, was soooo sleepy and so was en. i wanted so much to reach home asap at that moment... hey guess what? i missed my stop in bus no. 28! ya i took that from interchange. stupid right? i was sooo angry with myself that i was cursing and swearing while i crossed to the opposite side to take another bus back again....

there are simply tooooo much things in my mind... and i am starting to worry abt qi's fever snd cough.... am sooo worry that it would affect the camp.... worry worry worry... what to do? the only thing i can do is, pray pray pray lor... haiz!

fredo died

2009-04-22T00:09:00.002+08:00

my pet turtle passed away this evening... so sudden... i was soo shocked!
it died with open eyes, slanted head, in the pool of water...
at first i thought it was sleeping or resting in the midst of eating..
i remember this afternoon i saw its head near the rock, i still tap on the tank to make sure it is ok... and ya it was. it still hid its head when it felt the tapping...

just now i did the same thing. realised it was not reacting. so i took it out of the tank. it still gave the same look.. listless opened eyes.. then i touched its head gently (normally when i touched its head it would have hidden it) and there was no reaction.. i called out its name... nothing. i shook it gently, nil... i shook harder and even upside down, still frozen. finally i put it under running tap, still the same!!!! ok, announce dead!

i was sooo upset. shocked too... i bought fredo at my neighbourhood pet shop with $4.50. i bought it cuz i have had much fish food stock and a mini guppies tank at home. i thought i should utilise them, at least let the turtle finish the food... but then it went into depression not long after. it refused to eat. i thought it was too lonely, so i decided to buy a play mate to keep it company. while paying for my fredy (my another pet turtle)with $4.50, i was told that turtles like fredo and fredy do not take the fish food that i had at home. so i got to buy the real food for turtle. and cuz now i have two turtles, thought the guppies tank would be too cramp for them, so i bought another turtle tank! imagine my hubby's reaction....

that was not the worst. the craziest part was, fredo still didnt look or behave better... i read up books abt turtle and it told me that i need to seperate both of them, in case fredo's sickness were to spread to fredy. and guess what, i also got to know that turtles do not need to live in a group. meaning, they dun care if they are lonely or not!!! ok i also searched the web on fredo's behavior and that was when i finally decided that i should bring it to the vet. i thought it could be interesting since i never visited a vet b4 and my kids could also be exposed to the vet... plus i am curious how the vet would treat a turtle and also, i couldnt bear to see fredo die under my care...

ya, we took a cab to and fro serangoon where the pet that treat turtle is. that costed me about $20! the vet gave fredo anti biotic and vitamins injection on its both side buttock. and i was asked to do the same for the next 5 days to fredo... Gosh, me do it!!!! and ya, i did it!!!! an experience indeed... reminded me of my childhood dream to be a vet... and when i injected fredo, i told myself i am a vet... haha... and the consultaion fees is $65. fredo was diagnosed with pneumonia... vet told me it would have low survival rate...

it was challenging for me to take care of fredo. i kept believing it would recover. and in fact it did! it started eating after 1 and half month.. it ate alot and resume its activeness... i was so happy and when i told yongen that fredo had started eating, she was very happy too...

perhaps, i have taken things for granted. thought that ut had recovered so the standard of attending my pets had dropped especially recently i was busy with camp stuff... plus no sun light these few days...

when i told yongen fredo died, she was shocked and i was hysterical. she simply replied ok and went off.. then yongqi came to kaypo see what happen... when i told yongqi that fredo had died, to my surprise, he said,'bu yao jin' (never mind) gently, as if he was consoling me... hey, i'm.... speechless! thought i should be the one consoling them, explaining to them about death... thought yongen should be the one consoling me.... thought thought thought....

i'm SPEECHLESS

lecture from Yongen

2009-04-21T15:59:00.002+08:00

long time no see aunty mensy finally visited me last sunday. and she is torturing me heavily. on second day she ate up 4 to 5 piece of roti and 2 lollypops! and now in her third day of stay, she still eating hungrily!!!! what to do???? her hunger is expected! the worst thing is, last night, as if she was not torturing me enough, i cut the flesh of my thumb while chopping garlic when preparing dinner... en told me today, i should be careful next time. i told her i was very careful. then she said i should open my eyes bigger, using finger to strtch her eyelids, i did the same, telling her i was opening my eyes real big! then finally she said, because you never pray to Jesus before you chop the garlic... ya, i didnt. and i should be praying to Jesus whatever i want to do.... lesson learnt. Thanks en.

haiz haiz haiz

2009-04-16T10:32:00.004+08:00

haiz, yongqi is coughing again... his cough.. is like once a month, very regular... so much more regular than my menses lor!!!! whenever he starts to cough, it will be very troublesome.. if not taken care of, his cough will easily become bronchitis. then it will be tough for me to handle... most of the time, i will complain, stress and curse and swear...

this time, his cough is quite sudden outburst one... he was still ok the previous night, yet the next morning his cough got very bad. he was coughing sooooo badly that he hardly slept last night. but one thing good, he is still as naughty and active like he normally behaves... hahaha... its only when the child gets sick, i will appreciate and miss his/her activness and naughty.

last night i was watching the london weight management program. suddenly i have an urge to go back to my london weight package and continue with my 'jian fei' plan. for those who didnt know, i signed up for a package with London weight. After 2 sessions, my weight reduced about 3kg. but before i went for my 3rd session, i tested myself with pregnancy kit and realised i was pregnant. Thus my package was put on hold. my initial plan was to go back again after i give birth. who knows... and now, my plan is still the same. i will go back after i give birth to my next child.

The scene of treatmnt, reminded me the day i found out my pregnancy. that kind of excitment and happiness... i hope i will experience them again soon. haha... in fact, i dreamt i get pregnant again last night. hahaha...

Thanks giving

2009-04-11T23:55:00.002+08:00

10 april was Good Friday. I mentioned in my blog that a cousin of mine is acting in a skit in the church. guess what? my friend who supposed to act as her mum had a rashes outbreak on 4 days before the actual performance, which was monday, thus i was asked to takeover the role.

4 days away from the actual thing.. that is to say, we have less than 4 days to practise... hmm this is challenging! i gladly agreed to help cuz acting is my passion.

my cousin came to my place the next two days to practise. and on thursday, the whole team of us stayed over at church to rehearse till 3am. i could still remember joi's stressful face (she was the director of the skit) and my cousin's anxious and guilty face (it was her first time acting on stage for so many audiences and she had difficulty in getting to her role)...

the skit that we were to put up was actually quite sad story. but i think i have a comical face whereby i do not know why the moment i stepped on stage i heard sooooo much laughter... to an extend, i have to really controlled hard not to laugh too... thank God i did not laugh or the whole thing will be ruined.

Praise Lord, the whole thing turned out good. at least i heard no negative but all positive comment. and many said my cousin acted well.. in fact she did... The Holy Spirit has definitely worked in us... even our little 7 yrs old weiteng acted well.. heard that the skit did earn quite a number of tear drop... hahaha...

thank God for everything, really. and also, i would like to give thanks for my wonderful children. i went to the gynae last thursday for my annual check up. the gynae said that my d&c was well performed thus my womb has recovered perfectly. however, i had experienced irregular menses, in fact it was a all along thing... and eversince the D&C last nov, i have not had my menses yet. this is not a good sign as i am anxious to conceive my third child...

the gynae told me i am super lucky to have two children with my condition like that... she said most people who have crazy homones that lead to irrugular menses like mine would have difficulty to conceive... and this is exactly what i know all along even before i got married.. i remember before i married i ever told my hubby about my condition and asked him what should we do if i am unable to conceive... he actually told me we could go for adoption.. (we really seriously thought and talked about this issue before) but by God's Grace, i have two beautiful and wonderful children. that's why yong en's name means to praise God's grace.. this made me realised i have forgotten that my children are by grace, gifts from God... how could i?!?!

i really want to give thanks to my Lord...
Thanks HIM for my wonderful children...
though the gynae once again proves that its difficult for me to conceive,
i still believe God is in control!!!
Thank you Lord,
Amen!

i wish?!?!

2009-04-07T17:45:00.005+08:00

really thank jiayu for telling me that she has been reading my blog. this encourages me, really, make me somehow feel that i am listened and heard...

i know that working will definitely make me busier and makes days easier to pass... sometime i wish that i am working in the bank, for good pay and attracyive bonus. sometime i wish i am working in a student care, for job satisfaction as i have worked in that field before and though it was a job which i never wanted to go into last time, it is the best job that has given me most satisfaction so far... especially when i saw how needy students' lives being changed. sometime i wish i am working in the child care or kindergarten, for i think i may be able to do a good job (hee... looking at how much i can 'manipulate' my children within my fingertips... hehehe). but i know that, if any of the above wishes come true, i will think that i prefer to stay with my kids, accompany them to walk thru their childhood, to grow with them...

i know that i cant be stagnant for all times.. i need to improve and upgrade myself. sometimes i wish i could attend a degree course, to complete my dream and to prove to others that i am not stupid. sometimes i wish to take up diploma in early childhood, to know more about ways to handle young children. sometimes i wish to enhance my knowledge in special learning area, to be able to help those slow learners. sometime i wish i could take up family life education, to help needy families. but i know that i have no money, no availability and capability...

i know that an interest would definitely make me healthier and more confident. sometimes i wish i could join an acting group, to put up more show and performances on stage to satisfy my hunger to be under the spotlight (sound vain, but i am a 'stage person' i love stage). sometimes i wish i could sign up belly dancing or hip hop or folk dance or any dances classes, to dance and let my hair down, as well as shape up my body. sometimes i wish i could i wish i could...but i know i have everlasting wishes that will never be satisfied...

maybe i should be contented with my current lifestyle. morning prepare en to school, then play, teach, tell story or take a walk with qi, watch morning tv (old tcs or even sbc series show), prepare lunch (porridge, rice, noodle..) feed kids, help en with homework, nap them, go online (harvest my farm town), chat online with jasmine, read or nap a while, watch kids program, prepare dinner, feed kids, clean up, shower kids, prepare them to bed, tv and online again, sleep...

i am happy in fact with this simple 'tai tai' life. especially when my kids show me how much they enjoy my companionship. and i would say this is the best thing that keep me from regretting my decision to stay at home.

occasionally, when people from outside, like my old friends, classmates, etc, appear and start talking abt 'foreign' stuffs, i will feel depressed, asking myself what am i doing... i have such reaction because last time i always wanted to be a career woman, a woman who is of high rank in work area with many subordinates, a woman who has high income, drives, quality life, etc etc... soo far from where i am now... and my friends know that i have such dream and they think i would be so 'in future' last time. so now, when they sort of see me staying at home, they couldn't believe it... plus, i find myself more and more ah soh... haiz...

ok, jiayu mention my own life... i do have too especially friday. friday is the day when i send my kids to in law. the day i would let down my hair to go havoc... past weeks i had been to library, browsing thru cook book, terrapins books, family education book and kids managment book. i been to salon too for good hair scrub and cut (will do so again for treatment). i had window shopped. and had been thinking to watch a movie but did not... and coming friday, i am going clubbing at timbre.... but whenever i thought of my poor hubby alone at home, i bit guilty... cuz he works so hard for the family, and finally he decides to put aside work loads every friday to relax, he is left alone at home... sometimes i will spend the friday night with him too. but then, it would be simple dinner and tv or dvd at home. the most luxury is movie with pop corns... but only when there are good movie.

the best is sat morning. recent two sat dw and i went out for morning cycling. from where i stay to pasir ris mac for breakfast, then to the beach along the mangrove to watch the crabs, mud skippers, etc. i treasure the moment. really.

then sat noon will be spent in church for parents group, a group which family educator, mdm carol, will talk on healthy parenthood. after then we will need to fetch our children from in law again. (sometimes if i have more program, dw will do the fetching himself but most time he will complete only half of his mission... en will bully him by not wanting to go home.

sunday morning is church time again. after church, dw will bring the kids home while i stay for my 'cca' (dance training or coffee with my church friends).

ya. thats how i spend my dayssssss... maybe some of you will envy, maybe some of you will sigh... haha... but this is my decision. ya my decision...

ACHIEVEMENTS

2009-04-06T14:06:00.002+08:00

i thank God for a wonderful night sleep last night. it was good because none of my children came into our room to disturb us. some, in fact, most of the nights, they would take turn to come in to our room, either to attempt to co-sleep with us on our bed, or trying their luck to see if they could get a bottle of milk by making whinning noise... (of course, in order to stop those actions from becoming their habits, we, most of the time me as dw needs to work the next day, will either threaten to cane them, or drag them back to their room and stay there for a while...

last night, it was sooooo peaceful. i remember i sleep till i drooled and snored like what...

this morning the children were very well behaved too. yongen woke up at 645am, asking for milk while yongqi did the same thing at about 7am. after milk, yongen brushed her teeth and washed her face, all by herself. then she changed into her uniform, again all by herself. later then she wore her sock and shoes without giving me any problem. hmm... i like it when my gal does everything herself. she has learnt to be very independant. nowadays, she even shower herself. i will only do a last check to ensure she is clean from dirt stain and soap.

yongqi has achievement too. out of 26 alphabets, he has recognised 14! that is to say, 12 more to go... and with brief intro to numbers, i think he is now able to recognise 2, 5, 7, 8 and 9. hey, i only taught him once from 1 to 9 for about few minutes! he is learning fast! same goes with the alphabets, i only officially introduced A B C E O S the rest G K L M N R T W, he caught them by himself while he points and sing the ABC song, as well as from the playhouse disney's word world and sesame street.

talking about the 'word world', this program has made my gal very interested in spelling. she would try to memorise the spelling of words she sees. now she is able to spell simple words like cat dog pet rat net ball etc wow, i am so proud of my children!

tough 3 months ahead

2009-04-05T23:35:00.004+08:00

my cousin will be acting in a simple skit presented by my church for the Good Friday event. She stayed back for some video recording today. but there was a problem. in the scene they were taking today, she was supposed to cry but she couldnt. i wanted to help her so i brought her to a corner, told her to nurture her saddness and tears. my intention to teach her how to cry, resulted me in rolling tears..

i cried, because the setting was good (you know good dark little corner). most importantly, those tears were long kept.. sooo deeply hidden in me, has been looking for a way to squeeze them out...

starting april, it will be a tough 3 months ahead. the toughest should be in june... end of june....i never understand this could be so tough... last time a sister in Christ share with me how she wanted a holiday at the peak of the toughness, i couldnt understand why she needed to do so... but now, when i am experiencing it myself, i want to do the same.

last sat, i brought this to dw, telling him i want to go for a holiday end of june. with much effort, i managed to 'squeeze' out my reason, and of course resulted with teary eyes... but i hid them well... i guess he did not see them...

i really hope that by God's grace, this thing can end. and only God's miracle can put a full stop to it. But God seems to want me to walk through this thing...

煮妇心声

2009-04-04T00:05:00.002+08:00

我该怎么说，我该怎么写呢？此刻的我情感泛滥，心境复杂，有许许多多的话语想倾诉，但是缺少知音。。

刚刚与三个中学同学聚会回来。认识我的人都知道我以前是不喜欢出席之类的聚会的。因为觉得大家总是在暗地里比较来比较去，而自己往往是那个输的很惨的。没有会员卡，没有高收入，没有高档的职业称呼。。。什么都没有。

可能是年龄渐增和有了家庭孩子的关系，自己在不知觉中不再排斥这样的聚会，反而开始怀念老同学，想找机会彼此update 一下。于是，今天便高兴地与三位老友聚了聚。。。

或许是大家都成熟了，已看透了所谓的身份、名利，彼此的比较少了很多，甚至可说几乎没有（若我不是过度单纯地一方面相信大家的真诚）。不过，由于事面广了，事业也多少稳了，大家的话题、品味也不再依旧了。

当他们讨论着刚游香港的经历和计划下一站到日本的假期，以及要托付彼此买这买那时，我发现自己脱节了。香港？去过一次，那是1998 年的事。天啊，11 年前！日本？我想都不敢想。听说那里的东西超贵，而且去也只是购物吧。。。我不是很喜欢购物。

接着，她们决定闲逛一下。进的是我没听过的名牌服装店，看的是某品牌的高级化妆品。我那时开始觉得自己格格不入，象是从乡村去到城市。朋友察觉了我的别扭，企图与我对话，开始用“ 煮妇” 的言语与我沟通，问我孩子喜欢什么玩具；通常在哪里用餐；买菜去哪里买等。。。顿时心里觉得怪怪，真是无法形容。

天啊，突然觉得自己好糟糕。自己真的变成煮饭婆了？我真的就这样裹足不前、变成了山瑞的亲戚，山龟了？

朋友当中有已婚的。当她们分享了自己的日本计划和香港的旅行经历，然后问我带过孩子到哪里旅行时，我心里开始产生了内疚的' 比较'。可是我要埋怨吗？自己既然选择了呆在家里好好地栽培孩子，选择了以生养众多为满足，那就不应该比较，不是吗？但，我还是人呀！

虽然此刻心情还是不平衡，可是毕竟是自己选择的道路。一切都是自己选择的，所以必须知足。也许，知足长乐的这个啊Q 精神也是一门值得学习的学问！

sweet dream

2009-03-31T09:23:00.003+08:00

last night i dreamt myself delivered a baby (looks like a boy). But then i was feeling odd cuz i was not intending to breastfeed him. (hey, i want to breastfeed all my children!)

It was a sweet dream. i hope it will come true soon.

wonder why did i have such dream... was it cuz too much thinking in the day? could it be due to my 'mental alarm for due date'? or (hopefully is) God is telling me this day has come....

i was teasing yongqi yesterday when he kept asking for 'nei nei'. i put him into breastfeed position, tell him 'nei nei' is here... haha... teasing him and telling him how he drank from me last time... so daily activity made me have such dream?

dw and i want to have a new born in 2009. thus, if you calculate the date, i must conceive latest march 09 in order to realise this 'dream'. and today is last day of march. maybe the dream was due to my 'mental alarm of the date due'...

lastly, could it be a prophetic dream from God telling us baby on the way? hehe... let's hope so...

this third baby is definitely special to me and my family. on his arrival, you people who read this blog must come visit me at hospital and share my joy! and i am going to get a single room stay so that all of you can have a party in there... hahaha...

dream dream dream... may the dream be realised soon... Amen!

"EMO" too?

2009-03-29T22:46:00.002+08:00

Today is sunday, sabbath day. i attended church with my hubby and kids. the worship part is not that bad. at least the kids did not bug me like previous weeks. i could not attend the sermon part. as yongqi refuse to let his precious mummy off. so i was in the sunday school with my dear son...everything seemed ok... until lunch time. i just blew ouyt of sudden when my kids got distracted by the cake displayed on the dining table, started to refuse their lunch...

after then, we had a short cell meeting to settle some admin matters and bried recap on sermon. looking at Yuxin, Jiafu and Huilan;s little fellow, i started to have deep but beyond my understanding thoughts. (sound ridiculous?) She is soooo cute!

I signed up for tambourine course at church. as my vision for my worship leading is to do so with tambourine. thus i love to get the hang of this weapon of GOD. Some sisters from other church joined us. among them, one is a two months pregnant young lady. not knowing why, i just cant get my attention off her... how i envy her...

why am i going thru all these? why am i like this? i dun know. but i really must thank God for my two pretty children. God is good enough to me i would say. but maybe deep in me, i want more children...

recently have the thought of wanting more than 3 kids... perhaps 4 or 5. but dw said that is too tight for singapore family, especially for single breadwinner family. i agree.. but hey i have a sister in Christ who has 6 children ley... hehehe... i think i am getting more and more hungry for having another child...

one resolution i want to make now. i am to be a pretty and happy expecting mummy if i am to get pregnant. my previous two expecting experiences were horrible. Grumpy, sloppy and angry... till people around me all scared of me.

Really my Lord, please give me another child. but the most important of all, my God, let the pregnancy be smooth and successful, and the baby be healthy and normal. In Jesus name, Amen!

(what i have gone thru made me somehow understand how couples without kids feel. I am now so burdened to pray for them.)

Yongle Found in Heaven...

2009-03-27T23:41:00.000+08:00

最近教会姐妹赠送了一本 “Jesse Found in Heaven” 的书籍。作者是一个曾经流产的母亲。事隔多年后，她偶然在一本书籍里读到原来每一个流产、被堕或死去的胎儿在天父那里，正等待与母亲相聚。之后，她自己在异象中也看见了自己失去的儿子站在耶稣的旁边。主要她将自己的经历记录下来，好鼓励其他和她一样失去骨肉的妇女。

我想这本书多多少少帮助了我，虽然我在之前已经知道失去的孩子已在主那里了。但是，它却让我不再隐藏心里的悲伤。。。

自从去年十一月十九日失去胎儿后，我告诉自己主所做的每一件事都是好的。我不允许我自己陷入自怜或悲伤当中。我在手术后的第而天便外出，第五天就往马国跑，一周后就去渡假屋渡假，也顺便庆祝自己的生日。一连串的忙碌，或许是自己在逃避、麻醉自己，好让自己不好再去想这件事。我告诉自己，神很快，在今年里，就会再赐我另一个孩子。。。说不定，他会将永乐还给我。。。

如今4 个月过去了。我的月经一直没有回来。迹象也显示我似乎没有排卵。但是我不愿失去每一个百分之点一的可能性。我几乎每一个月都验尿，当然，结果都是令人失望的。

就这样，安慰自己，盼望，失望。安慰自己，盼望，失望。。。一个月，一个月，又一个月。。

另一方面，手机里头的reminder alarm 一直提醒自己若是永乐还在他已是多大的胎儿。让我不禁非常挂念胎儿。算算，永乐的预产期其实会靠近我的结婚周年。若他健在，他便是我俩今年结婚周年最好的礼物。

看了 “Jesse found in heaven” 后，以下是我的祷告：

主啊
听说永乐在祢那里。
祢会帮我照顾他，
直到我见祢面时，
祢会把他还给我。。。

主啊
请代我传话。
帮我告诉永乐妈妈很爱他，
也很想念他。
我盼望早日与他重逢，
把他紧抱在怀中，
大力亲吻他，
全心保护他。。。

只是在地上，
他还有咏恩姐姐
和勇齐哥哥。
他们都需要我。
若我走了离开他们，
地上就没有比我更适合的人选来做他们的妈妈了。
因为对在地上的孩子来说，
妈妈是重要的。

而他，我的小永乐，
有耶稣和天使疼惜。
那肯定比我的照料更加好。
因此，
我想我还是在地上照顾咏恩和勇齐，
同时带着盼望期待的心，
等我在地上的日子满了，
回到天家时，
才与他，我的永乐，
团聚。

主啊，
求祢再对他说一句，
“妈妈好爱你！”

finally!!!

2009-03-27T23:40:00.001+08:00

haha surprisingly i am able to log in... haven been able to do so thus cant update...

Heart of Worship

2009-03-11T14:04:00.001+08:00

i am looking for the heart of worship....
i am looking for my heart when i do...
cuz without the heart, my worship is worthless...

misses

2009-03-02T23:43:00.003+08:00

here i'm back again...
been very tired recently, not knowing y...
did my pregnancy test today... negative! quite disappointed. i thought it would be positive....
yongen has been coughing badly since last thursday. yet today she still went to school cuz it was a field trip to the musuem. think exhibition is abt olden days fashion.

talking abt olden days... i always miss my childhood days... borrowed a book abt olden singapore from the library. it as got man pics and interesting facts... it reminds me last time we used to call carbonated drink as 'pop chwee' hahaha...
and it showed a pic of an indian man tugging a cow to street selling fresh milk!Wow, fresh indeed huh? hahaha...

i love to go back to my childhood environment. i really do. i miss those flats, trees, even smell and noise.. of course my beloved grandma, her smile and her voice... but everything is gone. the person and the buildings.. everything. i regretted not taking enough pic of the buildings and environment...

time really flies. grandma left me in 1997, ie 12 years ago!!! wow! it seems like yesterday when i was still playing by her side... if she is still around, she would be 83. and if only she still around, she would see dongwei, witness my wedding and see my children... if she is still around, she would have accepted Jesus... (rather, would i knoW Jesus if grandma is still around? )

FEEL LIKE TALKING TO HER ONCE AGAIN
FEEL LIKE SINGING TO HER
FEEL LIKE TEASING HER
SO THAT I COULD SEE HER SMILE AGAIN.

FORGOT TO HOLD HER WHEN SHE WAS WITH ME
FORGOT TO KISS HER
FORGOT TO SAY HOW MUCH I LOVE HER
UNTIL SHE STAY NO LONGER WITH ME.

IN MY HEART I PRAY
I PRAY IN MY HEART
THE ONLY WAY I COULD EVER SEE HER AGAIN
IS WHEN MY MERCY LORD ALLOWS

TREASURE WHAT YOU HAVE
GIVE THANKS WHENEVER YOU CAN
FORGIVE WHOSOEVER
CUZ ONE DAY YOU WILL MISS ONE ANOTHER

sadness... perhaps due to my disappointment... perhaps due to my loneliness... perhaps due to her death anniversary approaching.. perhaps, no perhaps, just feel so...

Gift from JESUS

2009-01-29T18:37:00.000+08:00

Read my sis’s posting on her blog. Was rather touched and sad. Cuz I felt the same years ago and I could understand her feeling. I was too, holding grudges toward the same person mentioned in her blog. But the Lord, changed me. Was still remember how I was crying to the Lord, asking Him to help me love him more….

Since I come to know Jesus, He has given me two greatest of all gifts, ie. LOVE and HOPE.

He gave me strength to forgive and love the person whom I hated most in my life. HE make me love him so much that I want to do things that please him. And I realized that, he is also a victim of the darkness, which he himself doesn’t know. I feel sad for him, really.

Another gift is HOPE. I remember 12 years ago when my beloved grandma passed away, I was so depressed. I was so upset that I would not be able to see my grandma again. Last November, I lost my fetus, but I was hopeful, cuz I know that one day when I get to meet Jesus, HE will return the fetus to me… well, who knows, maybe my Lord will return him to me even before I meet HIM! I believe, nothing is impossible to HIM! AMEN.

During Chinese new year visitation, I teared too without anyone knowing. I teared when I saw my uncle lying on the mattress, looking so weak and helpless and sick. He was the uncle who took care of me with my grandma when I was young, the uncle who doted me, served me like a princess when I was young. When I attempted to woke him from his sleep, wanting to ask yongen to address him ‘ lao chek’ , I felt the pinch in my heart. It was so heartache…just like my poem… ‘the young one will grow old, the old one will go weak…’

I thank God. Really thank HIM. Cuz shuilin and shuiting have turned to the Lord. And now they have grown up. Both are doing well in their own areas. At least, I have done my best to what I have promised my ah ma, to take care of them. The only one who still left me worried is their brother. Lord, please help this boy to come to YOU!

blog is revived!

2009-01-24T23:10:00.002+08:00

hahaha... my sis set up her blog recently, tempting me to imply cpr to my blog and finally it is revived!

It has been so long since i last wrote here... I am writing in English now cuz my chinese program is encounting some problem. I am unable to activate it once i am online.. eeeeerrr..... so do bear with my english standard huh...

chinese new year is 2 days away from now. I am always excited like a kid for this season. i remembered myself crying in front of my mum at the end of the cny when i was 19 or 20 year old! omg!!!!

time really flies. i am now mother of 2 fellow, 5 yrs and 3 yrs (base on yr... hehe... makan sia as they both are yr end babies) i was pregnant with my third child last sep. unfortunately the foetus did not pull through. i had a miscarriage on 19 nov.

it is sad, really. recently my hp alarm reminded me that if it is still with me, it could have reached 16 weeks soon. i set this reminder alarm to keep track of my pregnancy age when i first found out of the pregnancy. and now it served as a reminder of the tragedy. my friend asked me to delete away the reminder but i decided not to. for a reason, unknown though...

the lost of this pregnancy causes my hubby and i more keen to have another child. we hope to accomplish this mission by 2009, meaning i have to conceive latest march to hae a december baby. Hope that this plan is also my Lord's will...

the lost of foetus is unknown. my gynae told me it was not due to what i had done or eaten. it is in fact common for foetus to stop growing in the first trimester. but maybe i know the reason....

God gave me a vision for this year. HE want me to be a good mother to my children. This makes me ponder how to be a good mother.... eversince i started to work from home, i am no more a good mother.... i have lost my focus....

recently i cried to God, i asked,'Lord, when are you returning me my yongle(the name i gave my lost foetus)?' and i think He answered,'when you are able to cope with the existing ones.' Frankly, i dun think i pass that yet. but for this reason, i will try hard.

dongwei and i agree that once i conceive, i will quit my current work from home job. my boss is supportive to the plan. but in order to be able to cope with the two and be a good mother so that God will give the third one, do i have to quit earlier?!?! May God guide me.

have been active in facebook recently. all pictures are posted in there and things are updated there almost daily. if you would like to visit me at my facebook, simply find me via my email jeslow@singnet.com.sg

i hope that in 2009, my relationship with my Lord will be closer. I really love to love my God with whole of my heart. I want to cling unto HIM no matter what happen.

Last but not least, God, thank you for all things that had happen in 2008. be it good or bad, YOU are by my side and that is the most important of all!

Here's a MUST SEE video! (a tear jerker, kleenex required)

2008-08-16T11:02:00.001+08:00

Mix feeling. dunno what to say after watching.

Please, stop the barbaric fur industry!

2008-07-02T13:40:00.001+08:00

If you refuse to heed the Lord's teaching to clothe those who are naked, please, at least do not take away their only ones.

Those were the days

2008-07-01T17:57:00.002+08:00

Been wanting to find olden days pictures, esp places where i grew up. (dunno why, i just missed those olden days). While searching, i saw this on someone's blog, and the subject matter is How You Know You Grew Up in the 1980s in Singapore. It brings back so much sweet (and bitter-sweet too) memories. I nearly teared...

1. You grew up watching He-man, Transformers, Silverhawk, Ultraman, Super Friends, Woody WoodPecker, Tom & Jerry, Care Bears, My Little Pony, Smurfs and Mickey Mouse. Not to forget, maybe Ninja turtles too.

2. You grew up brushing your teeth with a mug in primary school during recess time. You would squat by a drain with all your classmates beside you, and brush your teeth with a colored mug. The teachers said you must brush each side ten times. Not forgetting the silly red tablet which you know not the purpose for.

3. You know what SBC stands for.

(I think I still call it SBC.)

4. You know in school, you could subscribe to get the milk which would come before you go back home. Some days you would get chocolate milk, other days strawberry. The old Magnolia fresh milk came in a triangular packet.

5. You were there when the first Chinese serial, The Awakening was shown on TV.

6. Everyone in class would tremble in fear when someone with a gauze stuck in the mouth came to your class and called out a name to go visit the school dentist.

7. You find your friends with pagers and handphone cool in secondary school.

(Actually I find such friends nonexistent)

8. SBS buses used to be non-airconditioned. The bus seats were made of wood and the cushion was red. The big red bell gave a loud BEEEP when pressed. There were colorful tickets for CSS buses. The conductor would check tickets using a machine that punched a hole in each ticket. All SBS buses used to be manually operated, with a gigantic gearstick to the left of the driver.

9. Your favorite actor and actress were Huang Wenyong and Xiang Yun. Next were Li Nanxing and Zoe Tay and the Aiyoyo woman (Chen Liping).

(That was when Chen Liping was actually hot)

10. You’ve probably read Young Generation magazine. You know who’s Vinny the Little Vampire and Constable Acai. For some, cikgu will always ask to buy the “Dewan Bahasa” magazine.

11. You were there when they first introduced MRT here (Yio Chu Kang to Toa Payoh). You went for the first ride with your parents and you would kneel on the seat to see the scenery.

(Sorry. I was older than that.)

12. Movie tickets used to cost only $3.50. Tickets were scrawled across using big red pencils. Ushers brought you into the cinemas using big metallic torchlights.

(They were actually S$2.50)

13. Gals were fascinated by Strawberry Short Cake and Barbie Dolls. You also collected sticker books of Street Fighter, The Semi-Pro Soccer League (for boys) and care bears (for girls) by Panini, trying to complete the impossible task of filling up each sticker book.

14. You remember some taxis were green in color. Taxis had gearsticks behind the steering wheel, with a transparent knob and little colorful flowers inside the knobs.

15. You longed to buy tidbits called Kaka (20 cents per pack), and Ding Dang (50 cents per box), that had a toy in it and it changes every week. Not forgetting the 15-cent animal crackers and the ringpop, where the lollipop is the diamond on the ring.

Yum.

16. You watched TV2 (also known as Channel 10) cartoons because Channel 5 never had enough cartoons for you.

17. All that you know about Cantonese is from the Hong Kong serials you watched on TV2. You probably would remember George Lam as the moustached man whose line was “Are you OK?” in the Guiness Stout Advertisement.

18. You grew up reading ladybird books. Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew, The Three Investigators, Famous Five and Secret Seven were probably the thickest story books you ever thought you had. Even Sweet Valley High and Malory Towers. You also love Enid Blyton’s Enchanted Wood, Magic Faraway tree…

19. The only food you bought from McDonalds was the fish fillet burger and French fries as it wasn’t halal back then and your parents didn’t allow you to buy other stuff.

20. KFC used to be a high class place that let you use metal forks and knives.

21. The most vulgar thing you said was “asshole” and “idiot”… you just couldn’t bring yourself to say the Hokkien relative.

22. Catching was the “in” thing (a.k.a. Police and Thief) and twist or “choap” was the magic word. For those who always frequented the void decks, there was the “rumah dayak”, Octopus and “Goli Duit”.

(Five stones)

23. Your English workbook was made of some poor quality paper that was smooth and yellow. And the textbooks were striped in different colors for different levels.

24. Some part of your school was ALWAYS haunted, like the toilet or clock tower or a certain block. You walk fast to avoid them.

25. The only computer lessons in school involved funny pixel characters in 16 colors walking about trying to teach you math. You printed with noisy dot matrix printers and used computer paper with two rows of holes at the sides. Mouse? What’s that?

26. Waterbottles, with your favorite cartoon character on it, were slung around your neck and a must everywhere you go.

27. Boys loved to play soccer with small tennis balls in the basketball court.

28. Hopscotch, five stones, chapteh and zero point were all the rage with the girls and boys too… Remember 5 times, highest, one-inch…

28. Science was fun with the balsam and the angsana being the most important plants of our lives. Remember the “Young Scientist” badge you got when you completed the set of tasks in written on the blue booklet for “Young Ecologist”, “Young Botanist”, etc? The first excursion to the Science Centre was the best day of your life.

29. Who could forget Ahmad, Bala, Gopal, Sumei, Peihua and John, eternalised in the textbooks. Even Mr. Wolly, Mr. Yakki.

31. You did stupid exercises like seal crawl and frog jumps.

32. Every Children’s Day and National Day you either get pencils or pens printed with “Happy Children’s Day 1983″ or dumb files printed with “Happy National Day 1984″.

33. In Primary Six you had to play buddy for the younger kids like big sister and brother.

34. There was an ACES day where you would get this stupid hat and do the Great Singapore Workout.

35. The Scouts used to wear shorts, and the NCC uniform was a plain green color without camouflage.

36. The worksheets were made of rough brown paper of poor quality. During art and craft classes, you had to make your own art folio using a vanguard sheet.

37. You went to school in slippers and a raincoat when it rained, and you find a dry spot in the school to sit and wipe yourself dry. Then you wear your dry and warm socks and shoes.

38. During National Day, you would have to do and decorate your own shakers, usually using a cassette tape container, or an empty aluminium can with green beans inside all taped up and decorated with white and red paper. Who can forget the all-time favorite recorder you played during music lessons?

39. After exams, you brought Game & Watch to school, and played card games like “Snap”, “Donkey” and “Old Maid”. You also played pick-up sticks and Snakes & Ladders and the aeroplane board game. Those erasers with the flags were also a popular game. Either that or you would play those cards comparing aeroplanes, warships, or tanks - who had more firepower or speed or weight, etc.

40. You remember your uncles, big brothers and father screaming and shouting in front of the TV when the Singapore soccer team (always in blue jerseys) played against the Malaysians.

41. Your friends considered you lucky and rich if your parents gave you $3 or more for pocket money everyday.

42. During class gatherings, parents always tag along in case someone gets lost at Orchard Road.
43. You freak out when the teacher tells you to line up according to height and hold hands with the corresponding boy or girl.

44. Handkerchieves were a must for both genders

45. Collecting notebooks, erasers and all kinds of stationery was a popular thing. The bookshop was a favorite place to go to get all those stuff during recess.

46. Autograph books were loaded with “Best Wishes”, “Forget Me Not”, and little poems like “Birds fly high, hard to catch. Friends like you, hard to forget”.

47. Class monitors and prefects loved to say “You talk somemore, I write your name ah!”

48. You remember songs sung by a huge group of people, like 4U2C, Feminin, Nico (Malay) and the English “We Are The World”. In secondary school, you listened to Bananarama, Jason Donavan, Kylie Minogue, New Kids on the Block, ABBA, and Tommy Page (Remember “A Shoulder to Cry On“?)

49. Large, colorful schoolbags were carried. And fanciful pencil cases with lots of small tiny drawers, trays, sharpener or thermometer that pop out at the push of a button were the “in” thing.

50. You brought every single book to school, even though there was one thing called the timetable, written on the inside cover of your little blue notebook.

The Last Lecture

2008-07-01T00:24:00.002+08:00

Recently, i have been thinking about life and death. Nancy Campbell wrote this in Above Rubies (issue 73) when talked about the death of her father which touches me. she said that her father's funeral is a celebration of his wonderful life.

Oh my! What have i done and what should i do? so that when i die, people will celebrate my life... Life is short. I can live lazily and make it a waste trip. or i can choose to make it a fruitful one, contribute as much as i can while i am spending the earth's resouces, so that when i die, the resources invested on me are not 'wasted'...

FWW Entertaining Musik Prduction

2008-06-07T01:12:00.001+08:00

Bored? Let me entertain you with some singing by my choir....

Sacrifice-Bob Fitts- With lyrics.

2008-05-31T14:40:00.001+08:00

Just like our Heavenly Father sent Jesus....

Lord My Dearest Friend 最知心的朋友

2008-05-30T14:08:00.001+08:00

最知心的朋友：
主你是我最知心的朋友主你是我最亲爱的伴侣
我的心在天天追想着你渴望见到你的面
在我人生的每一个台阶在我人生的每一个小站
你的手总是在搀拉着我把我带在你身边
告诉我当走的路没有滑向死亡线
你爱何等的长阔深高我心发出惊叹
有了主还要什么我心与主想连
我已起誓要跟随主永不改变

My Redeemer Lives - Nicole C. Mullen

2008-05-30T13:58:00.001+08:00

This one including the lyrics... i love this song!

相亲相爱一家人

2008-05-29T21:53:00.000+08:00

非常有意思、感动人的歌曲。我喜欢当中的歌词。每一个人都梦想有一个完整的家。但是，我们往往却忽略了，我们也是缔造完整家的重要一份子。所谓“ 凡事包容，凡事相信，凡事忍耐，凡事盼望。。。”
我们都已熟背，但多少次，我们却在我们的大家庭里起不必要的纷争呢？

My view on the video

2008-05-28T13:17:00.002+08:00

Gosh! the first time i watched the video, my tears just rolled even before i realised what it is about... guess its annointed!

The dad is so great! how much hardship he pulled thru just cuz he wanted his son to experience the whole thing....

Our heavenly Dad, too. so many times when we were down, He carried us thru the whole thing... to experience what we couldnt have pulled thru if without Him.

Thank you Father, for your love. May this love shower me too so i can do the same to others.

My Redeemer Lives

2008-05-28T13:10:00.000+08:00

do what i could and what i should....

2008-05-27T15:01:00.006+08:00

It was my dad's birthday last monday. We celebrated it for him at downtown east sakura.

To me, i feel that it was a breakthrough, for me and perhaps my family. Cuz it has been so many years since we last celebrated his birthday together as a family. past years, we used to give him an ang pow as he was always not keen to accept our invitation for a meal. He always claimed to be busy. But i think its more of avoiding...

for myself, i would say that it is God's grace that my relationship with my dad has improved over the recent years. i used to dislike him.... hate him to be exact. It is only recently i realise that the reason behind the hatred is due to disappointment. cuz my expectation for him. as my dad, is high and he didnt pass that, so i was sort of hurt, very much. but who is born to be a good parent? for most of their generation, it is through their own parents, they learnt about parenthood. i think he himself is also a victim of a malfunction family.

there were so much in him that i dislike. but sadly, after preparing for my couple group meeting, topic on our original family, i realise that i am so much like him. the temper, spending pattern and many more...

i was the one suggested this birthday lunching. of course with the support of my the another two elder sisters. during the lunch, i have certain gestures that i want to let him feel comfortable, accepted, happy and that he is important. i think my sisters might be quite shocked and uneasy esp when i presented (my creation using small cakes and a banana at the buffet counter) the cake and initiated to sing a birthday song. i know this is a crazy idea. but at that moment, my objective is to let him be happy. yes. i am sort of 'por-ing' him... it was very obvious. i did that cuz i want to let him know the family still care for him.

everybody needs to be loved and felt cared for. despite how wrong he was and how much he had hurt, i cant deny that he loves us, his children, very much. and i believe that, only love can turn him into a better person.

somehow, this reminded me, 14 years ago, i did the same thing to my beloved grandma (my dad's mum). that time i was 19 year old. none of her children bothered to initiate a celebration with her as a family cuz she was quite a difficult person to handle. i was the one who initiated a birthday party for her in a restaurant. i can still remember how happy she was. and i never regret doing so. though most of the guests who attended were there 'to eat' more than 'to bless', they even hardly interacted with her that night... but i am thankful for their presence. cuz it was their presence that make my ah ma happy, not the food, not the setting... its their attendance. cuz she felt that these people who attended, they bothered to come... i believed that if any guests whom she invited did not turn up, she would be very sad and disappointed.

there are so many things we can do to those people who love us and those people whom we love. Do it now, before they leave. my uncles and aunties now will pay respect at my ah ma's tomb on her death anniversary. i have never been there since that year she died. guess no one would dare to reprimand me about it (my grandma loved me very much when she lived). cuz i have done what i should and what i could when she could feel!

战争

2008-05-23T09:14:00.002+08:00

每一天都是一场战争！尤其是周日的早上和晚上。早上必须把熟睡的咏恩拖起床、晚上要把精神弈弈的她赶去睡觉！她和我一样是一个夜猫子，白天是慢开启的旧车，黑夜是一部有待奔驰的宝马！而咏恩这个家伙有一个毛病。这家伙是不折不扣的 “敬酒不吃吃罚酒” 的虐待者！只要我哪时对她稍微好些，她就会连扯带抓地爬到我头上拉屎拉尿！比如昨晚我心血来潮，拿了当年结婚的照片出来和她一起翻看，谁知道这家伙一看看了3、4 回还不肯睡觉！我于是开始用严肃的态度警告她该上床睡了，可她却开始闹！哇～～她越闹我火越大，一直警告她不要再惹我了。。。她还是不醒目，结果搞到一把鼻涕一把眼泪地睡觉。。。
早上，我企图叫醒她，她不是赖床，左躺、右趴，就是直喊叫' 我很累'。在时间的紧迫下，我不得开始恐吓她。我半拖半拉地，把她“ 搞” 到厨房，她却躺在那里闹起来！于是，我终于拿出我的 “武林至尊，宝刀屠龙，号令天下，谁敢不从，pia pia 不出，谁与争风” 的pia pia 倚天剑！霹雳啪啦地乱大了一番，她便一边哭一边慢条斯理地就范。
我想左邻右舍都听见我这“siao char bor” 的嘶喊声。我真的很讨厌自己这个样子！主啊，求您怜悯我。给我智慧和耐心，让我不需要发疯就可以让咏恩合作。因为继续这样，我相信我会带给我的孩子肉体上和心灵上的伤害。

ernie and elmo

2008-05-22T17:24:00.001+08:00

My favourite song by ernie and elmo.

A Wedding Party

2008-05-04T21:51:00.002+08:00

Attended a wedding party of my two church friends on saturday.
Memories flooded into my mind as i witness their church ceremony and banquet dinner.

i shed tears (ok this time the 'eye juice' just rolled in the eyes..) the moment the bride marched into the church with her dad... such a touching moment. i remembered i was holding my tears 5 yrs back when my dad did the same ritual with me.. my dad seldom hold me... it was the first time ever since i started to be 'righteous' against him... the holding, melted my heart... i am glad that i heeded the advice of my pastor to let my dad hold me instead of my mum.. this was the starting point of dad and daughter relationship revival.

'my dad holds me', this was exactly what i kept thinking while marching into the church. Thank God for such a wonderful experience. after then, he handed me to the man of my life--- my husband ttw. I admired him for 2 yrs before we started off with this relationship. 'Finally i am off the shelf' was the next thought at that moment. My heart just couldn't stop giving thanks.... When our good friends, Allison and Choo Kok, the mcs for our whole day event started to worship, gosh, my tears, like the running tap water, gushed like nobody's business... i was so worried that my fake lashes and mascara would smerge like panda eyes....

The tears, were tears of thanks giving. Really. So thankful to my God, who has always been there for my ups and downs. My best friend. My counsellor. My protector. all the best of Him, I have never failed to experience. Just because of His grace and love. Thank God!

Ling was not the same on saturday. She was cool. She even danced while worshiping. haha.. I couldn't help laughing at her... she was not that kind of traditional bride. She wouldn't want to be one i guess. She got her own style.

its a special day. The best day a woman would ever dream. The limelight is always on the bride. it is her most beautiful day... and her best memory. Ling's wedding once again reminded me how blessed i am. I have a loving husband. He is the best person for me. Its not easy to take all my nonsense without complain. But he passes that. Sometimes i feel that i failed him... as i am not a good wife. i grumble and complain... sometimes even thought that i am superior than him... not to realise until then that i am in fact ignorant and foolish.

My husband has led me and influence me positively. he even does my duties without a word of grumble. he does the laundry, washes the toilet, even scrubs the stove after my cooking... other than that, he never fails his own duty. He works very hard for the family. Though he seems to be quite stingy to others out there... but i would dare to say that his charity contribution is more than most of you... well, ok, he loses to those who only recite charity using their mouth perhaps..you know, for those who only talk about it and no action! ttw does not like to talk much about what he does and about to do.

It is good to be a married woman. I have no regret entering into this marriage. God bless us with two wonderful children, a 3 half years old girl and a 1 half year old boy. Perhaps God will continue to bless us with more, I don't know. But many people say that my children are miracles. because I have got irregular menses, meaning, my ovulation is in a mess. maybe 1/3 of normal women's chance to conceive. Yet, after nine months of marriage, our first girl was conceived. God's grace. Thus, she is to sing and praise His grace.

Lord, i really thank You for my marriage and family. May your blessing also pour upon my wedded and couple friends. Let their relationship improve each day and let Your grace be with them too. As for those who are single, Lord, please give them a partner and lead them to come together. Thank you Lord. In Jesus's name, Amen.

郭富城 - 到底有誰能夠告訴我

2008-04-29T14:29:00.001+08:00

好想念过去的一切。。。

可否回头

2008-04-29T13:30:00.004+08:00

近期疯狂于在youtube 里头观看video clip。对许多好奇的事，无论大小，我都在youtube 里头满足了自己的好奇心。所看到值得提的是有关生产（包括剖腹生产）、为死人处理善后事（embalming, 包括化妆，解剖。。。我看这个因为我想知道当年他们怎样处理了我的嬷嬷。。）、连体怪胎、堕胎等等等。。。想到什么就看什么。。。
接着通过一起长大的堂妹的引荐，我开始看当年我们曾经疯狂迷恋过的歌星与流行一时的MTV。看了之后实在叫我感慨万分。。。唉，自己原来老了那么多。。。那些仿佛昨天才流行的歌曲，既然已是十多、二十年前的金曲了！！！可怕极了！
看了这些MTV，自己好象回到了年轻时段。自己过去的点点滴滴、酸甜苦辣刹那间涌入思潮，实在叫我非常怀念。

好想回到自己的过去，好想回到当年儿时的环境。即使是看看而以，我也会心满意足的。真的，很有一股冲动想在youtube 里头找一些关于自己的蛛丝马迹，但，事实上，是不可能的。。
我想当主耶稣来到时，我们他便会让我们看见关于自己的片段。我好期待那一天的到来，因为我期盼看见自己的一切。。。也许一直留恋在过去是不健康的，但过去真的有太多让我怀念的。尤其是我的嬷嬷。。。主啊，求您大显慈爱，让我的嬷嬷有您的怜悯，让她得以进入您的恩典，让我们能够重逢。啊们！

working life

2008-02-21T23:15:00.002+08:00

suuuper deee duper long time never blog le.....
cuz i am supppper dddddeduuuper buuuzzzzzzzy.....
other than my girl has started going to school, i have started to work since 11th this month. i am working for xprienz pte ltd, as a central admin person for their Food Hygiene Course.

my work place is near to my girl's kindergarten. every morning after sending her to school i will go to the 'office' (it doesn't look like one lor) to do filing, invoicing and data updating. then 3 hours later i will fetch my girl home from school and put the children to nap. while they nap, i got to start updating my list for those people who have registered for the course either via phone calls or email. other than that, phone calls come in every now and then. on average, i could simply handle about 10 calls, clear about 10 emails on course related enquiries.

i realise it is really not easy though i am working from home most of the time. i find myself neglected my children. my girl would request me to stop working, shut my computer to accompany her. my boy would sometimes go hungry due to a past-timed feeding...

guess i really need to adjust myself. i told myself that other than handling calls, i will not do anything job related after my children wake up from nap.... i am still trying ... cuz i abit workaholic, want everything done...

the most headache issue i am facing now is that i really need someone to help me take care of my son while i go to the office in the morning. for the past weeks, dongwei's cousin had been helping me to take care of qi. but she will be starting work april. so i have to find alternative le. my boss (kok) doesn't mind me bringing qi along to the work place. but i am stressed with him around. he would touch and tug and even climb anything available. including computer, fridge.... and the shop door is open. he can easily roam away without anyone knowing....

my friend suggested me to put qi in half day care nearby the place i work (by april he is alr 18 months). i have ever thought of it before. but he is too young. he might fall sick easily due to weak immune. i feel that i have failed my mothering role to him. i remember last time when en was at that age, i spent so much time talkin with her and teaching her all sorts of thing. for qi, i only manage to take care of his basic daily needs. now whenever i want to play with him, en will grab the attention by quickly block qi and come near me.. then that poor boy could only whine whine whine and walk away, help himself with the toys.

God, please tell me is it Your will for me to work... I have to admit that i enjoy working and feel great sense of achievement in this job. but i have neglected my precious children.... Lord, if You allow me to work, please grant me the wisdom and capability to be able to cope with both ends. let me have peace Lord instead of guilt. i feel that i have no turning point due to some hidden reason.. i feel sort of geared to work le.. but no matter how much i like my job (and the $), as long as my husband requested me to drop the work, i will do so.

07 年回顾，08 年展望

2008-01-18T23:35:00.000+08:00

各位好，真是太久没有写部落格了因为我最近实在忙到～～～
除了咏恩开学了，我必须每天走4 趟15 分钟的路程，推着勇齐送接咏恩上学、放学外，我也开始有纪律地每星期至少两天在家准备晚餐给家人吃。新的日常程序虽然忙碌，但却让我感到满足。我从不知道自己可以这样。
感谢神，咏恩很喜欢学校的生活。只是不知道为什么每天我问她学校今天学什么时，她都会给我standard 答案：不知道！唯有一个问题她会答得快又准，就是“ 今天的点心吃的是什么”！
勇齐15 个月了。这个家伙，既调皮又捣蛋！老爱和我作对，把整个家搞到乱七八糟。我收什么，他就翻什么。他仿佛知道我不喜欢他做什么，他在故意作的当而，眼睛就一直盯着我看，然后嘴边流露出很奸很皮的笑容。。。真是叫我又气又好笑。
我的两个小家伙终于有英文名字了。那天在咏恩课室门外，看着咏恩的班"JOY" 时想出来的。我希望两个孩子都会有喜乐，所以会引用"JO"( 加上我本身的英文名也是J 头）来作名字的开头。接下来的字母必须与他们的华文名字有关系。所以咏恩(Yong En) 会叫JOEN（我的解释是神赐有喜乐的恩典）；勇齐（Yong Qi) 是JOEI（和Joey 同音同意。Joey 希伯来文是 ' 他会扩张' 的意思）。倘若我们会有第三个孩子，我想他、她会叫永（咏）乐(Yong Le) Joel / Joelle ( 意思是耶和华是他的神)。嗯，到目前为止，我对这三个名字都非常满意。:)

很快，日子已经迈入2008 年了。我突然想起自己好久没有写年录了。曾几何时，自己是多么地喜欢在年末期间写年录，把自己在过去的一年回顾一番，然后将自己在来临一年的resolution 写下来。
今年和往年的不同是，咏恩今年开始要上学了；勇齐已经是一个好动的toddler，（去年的今天，他只是个三个多月的小家伙。。。）
过去的一年我所面对的挑战就是东威开始正式为教师而且是在一间“ 非常有挑战性” 的中学任职。。。还有的就是我必须在家里面对两个’ 冬瓜’。在许多的日常事务上我都是得重新调整的。如，如何让两个小家伙一起睡觉、如何在照顾他们的同时，准备他们的粥食、如何在不会让任何一个着凉的情况下为两个洗澡、如何在照顾他们的时间当中偷闲。。。。哎哟哟，想起来可真是觉得自己有一点了不起！！！嘻嘻嘻。。。
我想去年让我觉得特别满意的事件是：
1) 成功地照顾好两个孩子，还可以带他们出街，有时是搭的士去Susan 的家，有时是搭巴士去勿络和家婆家。。。
2) 成功地direct latch 勇齐母乳十个月，在第十个月的时候成功地让他断母乳。
3) 和东威一起参加夫妇营，并在当中获益不浅，使得我们夫妻的关系达成灵、魂、体的合一。
4) 成功地把水琳带入教会，并且在12 月16 日当天收割这果子。感谢神！
5) 带了两个孩子参加（第一次喔）教会的营会。
6) 成功地让两个孩子自己在房间睡觉，好让我和东威可以回到自己的睡房去过 ‘正常的夫妻生活’（一直都非常渴慕能够回到自己的双人床去好好地睡觉）。
7) 重新回到敬拜团（2006 年年头开始就没有什么领敬拜，唯一一次好象是在4 月吧。。）
8) 另一个让我很感恩的是。。。。虽然好象和我没有什么关系但我觉得很兴奋，就是慧兰怀孕了！宝宝的预产期是明年3 月7 日。家福说名字是李俞心，Salvaria，是在宣告这孩子是健康的，英文名则是在欢呼得救！啊们！这孩子肯定是健康和健全的！俞心，阿姨期待和你见面！
当然，这一年也有让我觉得低落的时候：
1) 一位与我很好谈的姐妹得了乳癌。这是让我非常震憾和伤心的事。但感谢神，她的信心救了她。她的病情已有好转。她的先生也因着这事再次回到上帝的面前。真是“ 凡事互相效力，叫爱神的人得益处”
2) 三舅母在07 年3 月去世了。留下了深情的三舅和3 个孩子。妈妈已辞去了工作，在舅舅的家帮他打理家务事和看孩子。简单说就是他们的管家。妈妈一直感叹，以为自己孩子都大了无需呆在家做家务和看孩子，谁知道发生这样的事，自己必须重回厨房烹煮和做家庭主妇，看的还是别人的孩子，怎么说也说不听，骂又不能骂，真是无奈！
3) 东威在学校上课期间真的很忙。真的非常忙！忙的当儿，他很累。因此他很少和我说话，也没有精神听我说话。他唯一想做的是睡觉和亲近神（从神那里支取力量）。所以对我来说真的很辛苦（自己是个爱讲话的人lor）。自己常常梦见东威要和我分手、要娶小老婆、我是他的小老婆、甚至我根本不认识他之类的怪梦。情况真的很糟糕。糟至我以为他若是没有我和孩子，他就可以没有顾虑地工作服事了。但过后有人提醒了我（忘了是谁。。）若不是有我和孩子，若不是他放心我可以应付家庭和孩子，他根本不可能安心地工作和在神面前祷告、服事。这说法尤其让我在夫妇营里感觉到它的真实。在夫妇营里，他也这么说了。
4) 勇齐在8 月头由于气管发炎进了医院。当时在Jasmyn 和妈妈的陪伴下（东威刚好有事），我带着两个孩子到KK 去。整个检验使勇齐很辛苦，所以他一直哭个不停。加上晚上，咏恩的叔叔来接她去家婆家时，咏恩也闹得很厉害。整个过程，让我感到精疲力尽。还好感谢神，东威办完事后，他也到医院陪了我们一个晚上，这才让我稍微喘得了口气。
5) 12 月间，我、勇齐、咏恩都病了。尤其是咏恩和我，真是病得乱七八糟。我是Gastric flu，咏恩则是bronchiotilis。我拉（肚子）到乱七八糟，咏恩则是吐到乱七八糟。还好有家婆帮照顾勇齐，东威照顾我们两个。这样的病、病、病整整拖了一个多星期！

无论如何，07 年总算要过去了。迎接08 年的当儿，我希望：
1) 东威的工作能顺顺利利，事半功倍。求神让东威有智慧和权柄教导和管教那群学生，让那群学生的功课会进步，态度会认真。求神让东威懂得如何有效率地应付他工作上的每一个需要。
2) 求神帮助我有智慧地照顾好咏恩和勇齐。让我能够有果效地将神的话语栽种在他们里头。让我可以没有怨言地和东威配搭，无论是在家庭里、关系上或服事上，我们所作的一切都是满有果效的。
3) 求神让咏恩和勇齐身体健康，有很好的免疫能力。让咏恩在学校有很好的学习。求神医治咏恩的心脏。也求神建立勇齐的免疫能力，不要那么容易咳嗽生病。
4) 求神帮助水琳和水婷在神里更加茁壮成长。求神让他们两个的学业都有所成就。（求神保守她们的一切）
5) 求神保守看顾慧兰、慧娴，和她们的孩子。求神让她们在分娩时有神的力量与平安。求神让两个孩子都是健康强壮、平安和正常的。
6) 求神全然医治我的好姐妹的乳癌。
7) 求神让我妈妈和爸爸有机会接触福音。求神让他们愿意敞开自己。
8) 求神也同样让我家翁家婆能够认识耶稣。求神医治我家婆的膝盖，保守两位老人家的身体健康。
9) 求主帮助我的敬拜服事。求神让我有突破，无论是在与神的关系上或服事上，求神亲自带领我。
10) 若神愿意，让我们在适当的时间怀有我们的第三个孩子。
11) 主啊，求您让恩群福音堂有突破，有自己的聚会场所，叫我们所做的都有果效。叫更多人因着恩群福音堂认识耶稣。主啊，求您恩待您的新妇，让您的新妇多结果子。
12) 主啊，求您赐给教会的夫妇们有好的关系和让我们可以生养众多（属灵上的和非属灵上的）。
13) 主啊，求您让那些达适婚年龄，但又还在寻找另一半的弟兄姐妹在来临的一年当中遇见您为他们安排的另一半。
主啊，谢谢您。您叫女儿在07 年丰盛有余，女儿也相信您同样会在08 年祝福我和东威满满。啊们！

婚姻的可贵

2007-11-28T12:11:00.000+08:00

好久好久没有上网写部落格了。原因是因为过去的日子比较忙，准备夫妻营的行李和孩子们要在朋友家住宿的行李，又加上东威11 月的前两个星期都有NCC Officer training，和琐碎却重要的事务要处理。。。

我们夫妇俩刚刚星期天从夫妻营回来。对这营会的评语只有一个字：赞！在这营会当中，我们两个好象重温蜜月的甜蜜。不只在精神上是一个很好的放松，在对婚姻的态度和价值观上我们也获益不浅。

婚姻好比如是夫妻坐在一艘在海中央飘荡的小船一样。这船的目的是驶向一个美好的地方，一个两人都可以持守关系，互伴到老的境界。但是若夫妻两什么都不愿做，或是只有一方单方面地努力想把船驶向目的，要达到目标是非常困难的。很多人会因此感到精疲力尽、挫折不断，甚至因为走了很多冤枉路，在沮丧的情况下选择放弃这段婚姻。但是当年两人在神圣时刻，四目相投地对彼此许下的诺言，所立下的盟约，难道不是因为爱的缘故？难道这爱只是片刻冲动所致？还是世界的忙碌，种种的压力缘故使彼此忘了当年爱的滋味？

婚姻是个不归路。婚姻里头没有后门。但是婚姻里头却有天梯。上帝喜悦看见婚姻家庭的美满所以他非常愿意帮助我们去重建美好的关系。神爱我们。因着神的爱，我们便知道如何去爱我们的配偶。只要我们归回到基督里，我们便是新造的人。所有的旧事已过，都变成新的了。

上帝因着自己的慈爱，他让他的仆人，邱清泰博士夫妇成立了国际家庭更新协会（家新）。目的是要帮助夫妻回到神起初设立婚姻的心意，并引导、提醒夫妻如何在神对夫妻关系的原则下生活。

我和东威都很感恩。感谢神让我们的牧者看重婚姻家庭关系。感谢神让我们的教会有管道接触到家新的事工。更加感谢神让我和东威可以毫无顾虑地参加这个营会。（当中真是要感谢少娥姐、Jasmyn 和冠伟帮助我们照顾咏恩和勇齐。因为你们的愿意心，我们可以放心地参加这个营会，使得我们的婚姻得到上帝满溢的祝福。谢谢你们）

之前我们以为我们做到了圣经里所说的“ 两人离开父母合为一体” 的婚姻原则。去了这营会，我们才知道其实彼此间隔了一道很厚很硬的墙。这道墙阻碍了我们彼此坦诚沟通、明白彼此的需要和在灵里彼此的互助。在这营会里，我们成功地把这墙打碎了。我们求上帝帮助我们，继续在神的慈爱和恩典里头，同心合一地拿起我们的船桨，齐力向我们婚姻的目标划进。纵然可能会遇见风浪，只要我们常在基督里头，我们相信我们所乘坐的这艘“ 基督里的爱神号” 是不会被打垮的。哈利路亚！

KLUANG 一日游

2007-11-09T15:29:00.000+08:00

感谢神，昨天我和妈妈还有我老公随教会的弟兄姐妹一起到马来西亚的 Kluang 去一日游。途中我和妈妈谈了好多好多，在没有孩子的干扰的情况下，我们有如将我出嫁后没有好好谈过的时间都赢夺了回来，好好地聊个够本似的。。真的是非常的过瘾，真的。

除了聊天，我们也狂购了一番。这一次是我前所未有，象auntie 一样地从所到的地方买了很多土产回来。可能是因为这次的马币是从上一回剩下来的，所以在花钱的时候，就是没有那种心痛的感觉。再加上有妈妈在身边，看见她买，我也买 loh！！！

这次的一日游能够去得成，真的是神的恩典。刚开始，我是带着不妨一试的心态去问妈妈要不要参加的（因为过去只要是教会的活动，她都不是很积极）。谁知道她很爽快地答应了我。之后，我听见负责人说当天要在早上六点前抵达教会集合，我就有一些担心了。心想，妈妈可能会因为这样不要去了。。。但是我还是帮她还了钱。你说是信心嘛，也不完全是或不是。。。因为我必须承认当时我有一点“ 耍赖” 的心态。心想，还了钱，她应该比较不会推辞。嘻嘻嘻。。。

的确，当我硬着头皮（之前有和上帝说我的担忧）跟她说集合的时间并建议她前一天晚上到我家过夜，隔天再和我们一起去时，她又答应了。哇，我好兴奋。我到教会去，告诉牧师和周围的人说我妈妈要和我们一起去一日游！

于是我安排了咏恩和勇齐星期二到家婆家去过夜到星期五（别误会我是那种让家婆辛苦，让妈妈享受的人。我真的不是。我本身也很尊敬、爱戴我的家婆。只是我曾经很多时候都有邀请我的家婆与我们一起外出，她总是不肯。即使是新加坡的农场游或圣淘沙、动物园之类的地方。。。她的理由是她的脚不便多次上下巴士和走太远的路。。。），然后就带着期待的心等待一日游的到来。

到了星期一晚上，勇齐突然病倒了。他开始咳嗽（咏恩传给他的。），呕吐、气喘。。。顿时，我心里紧张起来了。

星期二，我把两个家伙一起带去家婆家，也把勇齐带去看医生（他当时的状况没有好转，反而好象有些恶化。之前晚上还发烧了）。医生说他的气管发炎（Ya, that stupid Bronchiotitis again!!!)，但是医生也向我保证他吃了他所开的药就会没事了。（说起这医生又有一个感恩的故事。原本我很挣扎该不该让勇齐去看儿科专科。。。当时候下着雨，两个孩子都在不舒服，家里又在停电，咏恩一直吵着要开风扇、看电视。。。所以非常烦躁。更糟的是身上没有什么钱，所以要看医生的话，除非那诊所有NETS 服务。。。首先，决定到家附近的专科。还好，当我致电去询问时，发现儿科医生正在放假。。。好，之后决定到另外一间普通，但比较“ 厉害” 的诊所去，打了电话，发现他们没有NETS！！！本来想找住在诊所附近的姐妹先借钱，可是她不在家！！！！好啦，索性，一趟的士，直到家婆家附近的专科诊所，打算到了那里才向家翁求救。。。

到了家婆家附近，我打电话约了家翁在那里见面，让他先把咏恩带回去（避免咏恩淋到雨或到诊所去受到其他病人的传染），然后才到附近的提款机提钱。。。

谁知道，家翁来时，也带来了我的“ 酬劳”（我为他整理了一些资料），我当时不指怎的，随口问他应该到哪里看医生好，他带我到一间有32 年历史的普通诊所。。那诊所的医生是位老人家。他曾经帮东威看过病！

之后，我到了家婆家，我家婆劝我不要去一日游了。因为她实在没有办法看顾两个，其中一个生病，的孩子。她担心万一勇齐不舒服，她一个人在家里兼顾不来，自己的脚又没有办法合作。。。当时，我同意了。心想，真的不应该在这情况还去一日游。。。于是，我马上致电给妈妈，告诉她勇齐生病，一日游不能去了。。。当时我心里很失望。同时，我向教会求助，请他们帮我找人代替我们的位子。当天晚上，Jasmyn 还问我要不要让她帮我照顾勇齐，我们按计划去一日游。。。

老医生果然经验丰富。勇齐吃了他所配的药后，马上就有起色。星期三，他完全健康起来，只是偶尔有几声咳嗽。
在找不到顶替的情况下，我想到了Jasmyn 的话，于是我向她和少娥姐确定是否她们仍愿意帮我看勇齐，然后我硬着头皮问我妈妈要不要去一日游。。。预料之中，我被训了一顿。但也出乎预料，他最后仍答应了！我好开心。
在此，我谢谢Jasmyn、少娥姐、冠伟、我家婆、家翁和我老公（在整个外游我一直陪妈妈，忽略了他）。还有还有，各位教会的弟兄姐妹。谢谢你们在接到勇齐生病的消息后便迫切为他代祷，有些还致电慰问。。更谢谢上帝在这件事的成全。 Thank you Father.

Photo updates

2007-10-24T13:55:00.000+08:00

今天要让大家看看我这段日子收集的照片。

很快，咏恩明年就要上幼稚园了。看，她穿着幼稚园的校服是不是很可爱？

这是勇齐一岁的时候在嬷嬷家庆祝拍的。比起咏恩的一岁生日，勇齐的显得比较简单。记得咏恩一岁生日的时候，我邀请了我的母亲、姐姐们和姐夫们、阿姨、外甥女们、家翁家婆和几个教会的朋友一起到我家来庆祝一番。家婆也在当天准备了几道可口的美食招待所有的人（她可是在自己的家煮好带过来的）。反观勇齐的一岁生日，只是到家婆家吃饭，切蛋糕庆祝一下而已。虽然如此，很难得的是这一次姑姑、叔叔和他的女友（阿姨）都有在家，所以整个庆祝还算不错。家婆也没有忘记烹煮了当年的炒面等美味食物。

这是我们的全家福。很可爱吧？男的俊、女的美，孩子既乖又有智慧！嘻嘻嘻。。。

注意勇齐的生日蛋糕，是小叮当和它的妹妹小叮玲。我可是特地到某某地方买的哦！说到蛋糕，我家翁当天也买了一个。当时我觉得他有一些 'extra'，可是现在想起来，真的很感谢他的心意。

瞧这小帅哥，真是帅到没话说，连我这三十几的老女人都爱上了他。（他身上穿的衣服是' 阿姨' 送的生日礼物）

有时候，两个家伙可以很和平地相处。如以上和接下来的几张照片就可以看见他们和睦共处的情景。

姐姐在吃饼干，弟弟要就给一点lor。。。

咏恩：我吃面包，弟弟也要！可是妈妈交代不要给弟弟的。。。妈妈，我可没有给他，是他自己把嘴巴挤过来的。。。

咏恩：给你一点就好，不要跟妈咪讲OK？

勇齐：Thank you!

咏恩：Oops! 被妈妈发现了！

Dr Yong Qi

2007-10-16T11:26:00.000+08:00

非常感谢我的朋友 Susan。她为勇齐拍了几张好可爱的照片，然后把它们拼合在一起。我把勇齐的这“ 造型” 称之为 "Dr Yong Qi" 因为我觉得他的样子非常象一个医生。

Susan 是一个很喜欢 Scrapbooking 的人。我本人好欣赏她的兴趣和创意。我自己本身正是极度缺乏这方面的能力。谢谢你，Susan。

吾爱吾“ 工”

2007-10-13T17:06:00.000+08:00

由于过去的星期二和三我都需要去上课，所以星期一就把两个小家伙带去家婆家。

最近是中学生考试期间，所以东威的工作没有比之前繁重。他星期一陪我一起带孩子去家婆家之后，我们还偷闲去看了场电影。嘻嘻嘻。。。觉得自己的 Honeymoon period 越来越近了。（学效假期是我的 honeymoon period。因为只有在这段时间东威才可以将他百分百的精力“ 耗” 在我和孩子的身上。）

偶尔过一过脱离孩子的生活真过瘾，上一上课也是非常难得的进修。星期二我为了要回顾当年为上班族的日子，便牺牲睡眠，提早起身地打扮一番。我穿上了约五、六年前买的上衣和外套和西装裤，在脸上用跟了我好几年的化妆品画了几下，再喷上约有十年之久的 'Men Eternity' 香水（我当年好喜欢这香水的香味。。。）后，' 走路带风'（威风）地上课去。。。

在地铁里头，我想我是唯一精神奕奕，带着愉快心情的人。我四处探望，一直察看周围人群的表情，发现他们多数是疲惫的人。忙碌当中他们似乎不知道自己在为什么忙碌。他们的脚步告诉我他们是多么地想停下来，或至少放慢下来。

老实说，我的确很享受那种' 走路带风' 的打扮，但若要我每天如此，我想我会很厌倦。这两天的“ 假扮上班族” 的日子，不但没有引起我想回到社会工作的心志，反而让我非常庆幸自己现阶段的职业
－－stay-at-home-mum（住家妈妈）。我知道我忙碌的目的，也知道我所作的价值。虽然人们对住家妈妈的印象是' 黄脸婆' 或' 阿嫂'，但这并不是一个容易掌握的工作，也许商场上的女强人都未必可以胜任。我喜欢我的目前工作。我觉得它是有意义、是伟大的。我的一举一动都会影响我的孩子。我的真，就是他们的课本。我的生命，就是他们的榜样。

我的孩子就像是一张任我和东威画，任我和东威写的白纸。求上帝赐我们俩智慧与聪明，让我们可以将上帝赐我们的产业培养成蒙他喜悦的孩子。

一个教训

2007-10-05T15:08:00.000+08:00

上一回提到咏恩下星期会有两天去托儿所的事。。。原本的计划应该是这样的。。。可是，我太高估她，结果把她给吓着了！！

由于下个星期二和三我要去上课，所以我打算把勇齐寄放在家婆家，咏恩则暂时为她找个托儿所让她去见视见视。刚过去的星期二，我高高兴兴地带她到我家附近的托儿所去熟悉环境，当时我“ 口痒”，在她心理还没有开始接受该托儿所前，便告诉她下个星期我要去上课，她会自己留在这里。。。哪知她一听见这话，便拚命地摇头。回到家后，我一直“ 试探” 她，问她学校好不好，喜不喜欢，小朋友一起玩好吗。。。之类的问题，她的反应都是一样，一直摇头说不好。

到了傍晚，我开始失去耐心了。我便跟她说不管怎样，她下个星期必须去学校。当我用硬的的时候，她居然无助、害怕地大哭起来！天啊，我的咏恩很少这样哭的，看得我非常心痛，顿时不知应该怎么办，便只好说：“ 好了，我们暂时不谈这个。”

我以为暂时不要提这事，等时候到了，再把她“ 塞” 过去就行了。。。我这方面又低估了陈咏恩！这个家伙一直连连续续地跑到我面前问：“ 妈咪，我们不要去学校好吗？”。我的原则是尽量不要在孩子面前撒谎，就是善意的谎言也不可以。因此我便看着她说：“ 不好！” 结果她的反应就是“ 哇哇哇。。。” 的哭声。。。我于是告诉她每一个人都要去学校。她明年也要去“Tiger 的学校” 上课（她称呼明年要上的幼稚园为“tiger 的学校”。我女儿最喜欢的动物是老虎。所以可想而知她是喜欢改幼稚园的）。。哪知这家伙居然说：“ 我两个学校都不要去！” 这话真让我慌了。心想，若是这次的托儿时间让她有不好的经历，我明年要把她“ 拖” 去幼稚园的差事可就难了。怎样都行，但是千万不可以让她对正规学校有恐惧感呀！！！我左想右想，干脆，就睁只眼，闭只眼吧，让她下个星期去家婆家算了。于是我告诉她我们下个星期不去刚才去的学校了，我们等明年才去“tiger 的学校”。可是这家伙不明白，还是拚命地哭喊：“ 我两个学校都不要去！” 我顿时不知哪来的智慧与镇定，我先要她安静地听我说，我告诉她明年我会和她一起去“tiger 的学校”，我会在学校等她放学一起回家。她上课的时候会看见我，我也会看见她。我不会自己走开。然后，我“ crossed my finger”, 问她：“ 好吗？” 她点头说：“ 好”。哇，我终于松了一口气！

从这件事上我学了一个教训。虽然我的女儿很成熟、独立、懂事，但她始终是一个三岁的孩子。我不应该认为她可以象大人似般地轻易接受任何安排。有时候我还是需要以智慧来哄她的。唉，真是要迫切的祷告，希望她明年上学时会顺顺利利。

我需要智慧：嬷嬷家or 托儿所

2007-10-02T16:33:00.000+08:00

很快，勇齐就快要一岁了。真是高兴。
原本打算这个星期不要把孩子放在家婆家，因为下个星期我有两天的课要上，打算安排勇齐星期一到星期四去嬷嬷的家，咏恩则跟随我去上课附近的托儿所。哪知公公非常“ 不甘愿” 一定要把他的宝贝孙女儿“ 拐” 回家不可。他似乎有向我的家婆埋怨我为何常把勇齐带去，没有把咏恩带去。。。天啊，才一个星期而已。。。况且，我星期五有把咏恩带去嬷嬷的家啊，只是没有过夜而已（当天公公有事出去了）。。。我于是以开玩笑的口吻说家翁真偏心，疼咏恩没有疼勇齐。。

原本安排咏恩下星期去的那间托儿所（在Buona Vista) 昨天竟然打电话给我说他们的学额已满，不能收咏恩了。所以我昨天便忙碌地又找到另一间在我家附近的托儿服务。我刚才带了咏恩去看看。环境还。。好吧。。。但看得出校长有一些不熟悉中心的一些运作（要么就是她是新校长，不然就是她有一点blur。。。）她那班的学生人数也很多，约有24 个，老师有4 位。它的优点是那是一间属教会开办的托儿中心，价钱比我前几间询问的还要便宜很多。。还有，它靠近我家。问题是，我告诉咏恩下星期她会去中心两天时，她非常难过，一直说“ 不要不要。。” 哎哟哟，怎么办呢？

其实我的家婆是不介意帮我看两个。可是我很担心这家伙（咏恩）在嬷嬷家呆太久。因为每回她从嬷嬷家回来，她就会“ 退步” 许多。例如原本可以自己如厕的她，回来后会要求我们帮她脱裤、穿裤，出门会一直要求抱抱（公公啦，整天抱她！！！），不然就说不要祷告、不需要祷告。。。所以每次回家我都需要为她调整一下。而这样的调整，往往需要“ 藤鞭” 伺候。

咏恩的问题，我想我母亲在我小时候也经历过。我小时候也很喜欢去我嬷嬷的家，而我的妈妈也最顾虑这事。原因是一样的。我的嬷嬷很宠我，每次离开嬷嬷的家后，我就会有很多坏习惯和“ 长不大” 的毛病。唉，谁说这世上没有报应的？！？！
主啊，求您给我智慧，让我知道我应该作什么决定。求您让我在上课的这两天，我无需挂念我的孩子的起居饮食。求主帮助我，与我两个孩子同在。奉耶稣的名字祷告，啊们！

令人想念的日子

2007-09-27T21:16:00.000+08:00

这两天勇齐都在嬷嬷的家。我这样的安排是要有一些与咏恩的二人时间。

Susan 前些时候她和儿子一起过两人时间，一起去观赏Hi 5 的现场表演。她过后告诉我她非常想念和儿子（大的大儿子）独处的时间。她的这么一提醒，使我也觉得我也真的好想念和咏恩独处的那段时光。自从弟弟出世后，我多数都是在忙着料理他们姐弟俩的饮食衣着。就算是抱，也大多时是在抱着勇齐。咏恩每次看见我抱弟弟的时候，她就会来“ 凑热闹”，硬把自己较大的身躯挤坐在我的腿上。由于空间有限，我每次都会喊骂她即刻从我的腿上下来。唉，想想，她其实只不过是个3 岁不到的小孩子，还是很需要妈妈的疼爱拥抱的。。。

为了要充实地利用阿弟不在的这两天，我删掉了咏恩睡午觉的时间。可见我是多么珍惜。。。昨天我带咏恩到旧机场路去拜访我的伯父，顺便买了一样玩具给她。过后，我带她乘搭双层巴士（她最喜欢坐在上层的最前坐看风景）到淡滨泥去吃炸鸡，然后到淡滨泥广场的Toy’R’us 去逛玩具城。。。

今天，我和她一块到咖啡店去吃午餐，然后到White Sand 去买泳圈（买了一只很可爱的乌龟泳圈，她非常喜欢！），然后meet 爸爸一起到淡滨泥的游泳池去游泳。过后，我们三人一起到泳池附近的日本餐馆用餐（其实是因为下大雨要避雨才选择吃日本餐的。。爸爸并不是很喜欢吃日本料理）。一回到家，咏恩和爸爸两父女便倒个四脚朝天，呼呼大睡！

我这两天真的玩得很开心。当然，我也非常想念我那既英俊又可爱的勇齐。明天我就要带咏恩去嬷嬷家把勇齐接回来了。我想接下来我会轮流性地把咏恩和勇齐带到嬷嬷的家去过夜，这样我就可以和两个孩子分别有独处时间了。当然，不忘我家老爷（我老公啦），所以有时我会把两个一起丢给嬷嬷！哈哈哈。。。
Hmm… 说起和老爷的两人世界，我就想到11 月要去的夫妻营。我真的好期待11 月23－25 早日到来。我心里已把这3 天当作我的生日假期。因为我们会把孩子丢给别人看，两人一起到马来西亚去参加营会。对了，其实我们是不是应该考虑延长假期，营会后仍然继续呆在马来西亚过我的生日呢？嘻嘻嘻。。。好期盼喔！！！

* 题外话：Yey! 勇齐快满一岁了！真高兴。真的越来越喜欢这小家伙。他真的是越来越可爱。他那 boh hiu, bou chap, boh guan（不屑、不理、不管）的态度和他那天塌下来当被盖的乐天性格，真是十足象我！ Hmm... 他肯定会比他老爸更有魅力。还有还有，他真是越看越帅！他那迷人的笑容，肯定会迷倒不少人群。。。

我的女婿人选。。。

2007-09-18T18:30:00.000+08:00

哈哈哈。。。今天我在教会blog 所以是。。。免费的！！！！

刚才在教会和Jasmyn 姐妹一起做了Boxercise。哇，真是太久没有运动，差一点就买了我这几根老骨头。。。

我已经下定决心要减肥了。前阵子和 Jasmyn 一起去逛百货公司，看见她试穿很多漂亮的衣服，自己却连挤都挤都不进时，心里非常沮丧！所以便下定决心要减掉身上的赘肉。

上回有提到勇齐到嬷嬷家过一夜的突破。上个星期六是咏恩有突破。我把她寄放在教会一个姐妹的家过夜，隔天主日才被带会教会。她显得非常高兴，她说以后还要再去阿姨家睡觉。

嘻嘻嘻。。。太高兴了。不止是我高兴，连那位姐妹也很高兴。她还笑问什么时候轮到勇齐去她家过夜。。。

我女儿是美女。哎呀肯定的嘛，尤其母必有其女嘛。。。难怪小小年纪就有人对她“ 蠢蠢欲动”！哈哈哈。。。

我爱演戏

2007-09-14T15:57:00.000+08:00

嘻嘻。。难得抽空可以上网写部落格。。。该作的家务都作了，孩子们也睡了，希望他们不要那么快醒来。。。
想到了一个省钱的好办法，就是先用Words 把要写的打好，然后才上线，以抄贴的方式写部落格。。。哈哈。。。
再过一个多月，勇齐就要满一岁了。哇，好高兴喔！勇齐现在正在学站立。他自己会撑着家具（或我的身体）站起来，然后自己放手。他可以这样自己站着10 到12 秒。过后，你可以看见他满足和自豪的笑容。
今天想和大家谈谈我自己。我从小就很喜欢演戏。我第一次在人群的面前表演时是5、6 岁那年的新年期间。当时妈妈带我参加了联络所举办的歌唱比赛。我唱了：“ 夕阳西下，我们唱歌回家。尽情歌唱，把那愁云驱散。。。”（忘了歌名）那时我唱得很难听，可是在台下的妈妈给了我一幅很陶醉的模样，一直点着头，仿佛在数拍子。妈妈这样的反应，真的是给了当时的我很大的勇气和鼓励。
记得小学时的我功课是一团糟。不止如此，书包也是kanasai 。倒出来的都是厕纸、废纸和书本的页纸。功课有着很少呈交的记录。到了三年纪时，ABC 都念得不清不楚。老师把我看成是问题学生，整天要见为生活忙碌打拼的母亲。。。
2 年纪那年，英文老师要我们大家扮演“ 老鞋匠与小矮人” 的故事。我误打误撞，被选当老鞋匠。当时，我很镇定地把老鞋匠演得似模似样，甚至还为角色设计了几个小动作，搞到全班同学和老师笑到见牙不见眼，频频叫好。从那时候开始，我爱上了演戏。因为，演戏还给我在课业上失去的自尊。
我很感谢神给了我这个恩赐。我更加为自己的教会总是给我很多表演的机会而感恩。最令我难忘的一次演出是2003 年的圣诞节话剧“ 隔壁的圣诞”。当年我新婚，第二次与丈夫东威携手演夫妻，第一次与专业的导演（芦苇艺术团契当时的导演，姚昨强）合作，第一次演出多过15 分钟长的话剧。这演出是我目前为止最让我满意的一次。（可惜没有照片。但是感谢志强大哥为我录了一片VCD 给我收藏）。
还有一次和牧师与牧师娘合作的“ 嫦儿来到淡滨泥（二）”。我在戏里是牧师的女儿，牧师娘是我的婆婆。因这这部戏，我给牧师刮了好几个耳光（剧情所需）。但是我并不介意。我宁可他刮得大力一些，那样我才会更加投入，眼泪才会流得自然。瞧，可见我在演戏方面是多么有专业精神。还有很多很多。我真的好怀念好怀念。每演完一部戏，我就觉得自己的生存价值提高了一筹。可惜自己长象平凡，否则，肯定会往演艺圈发展。

这是1999 年“ 嫦儿来到淡滨泥” 的扮相。别误会，我不是嫦儿，我是整部戏前奏的“ 戏凤” 的凤姐。那些认识振铨的教会弟兄姐妹可能忘记了原来振铨的外号“ 阿牛” 是从他演这段戏的“ 阿牛” 而来的。

这是卸了发装后，和妈妈、外婆和外甥女雪莉一起合影的照片。

这就是2000 年“嫦儿来到淡滨泥（二）” 的扮相，样子很清秀吧？演出后我和母亲拍照留念。

这是2002 年在“ 爱宴” 里头演的一小段笑剧。是第一次和东威合作的演出。与“ 隔壁的圣诞” 相比，这个演出是很轻松的因为我们都没有什么排演，只是口头上交代一下等一会儿会做什么做什么，然后彩排一次就行了（因为是搞笑剧，所以越无哩头越好，无需太专业）。戏中，我和东威演新婚夫妇，凤桂姐（教会的姐妹）是我的家婆。故事描述媳妇怎么和家婆争风吃醋、大打出手。

演出的时候大家都在笑。笑剧情，也笑我和东威。因为我们当时正在筹备婚礼。大家过后一直取笑我们。

勇齐的第一次

2007-09-10T13:27:00.000+08:00

自从勇齐成功使用奶瓶喝奶后，我的生活真的是轻松了很多很多。真的很多！
他这次可以睡彻夜，晚上约10 点多入眠，到隔天早上7 点多8 点（有时9 点）才起来喝奶。在某些深夜他会起来或辗转，只要轻轻拍打他，便会轻易地让他再度入梦乡。
他现在每隔3 个钟头喝一次奶。我想可能是因为他喝得够饱足所以最近他显得比以前更活泼好动，感觉上好象比较开心。
更另我鼓舞的是，他比较自立了。他过去在家总是不太愿意离我寸步。如今，他可以独自一人在客厅玩耍，让我在厨房准备食物。
上个星期五，我和勇齐尝试了我们俩的“ 第一次”。我把他寄放在家婆家一天一夜，使我们两人第一次没有一起渡过漫长的夜晚。。。
在作这决定时，我非常挣扎。我很担心勇齐会不会适应，他会不会哭闹，晚上会不会失眠，家婆会不会搞不定他。。。。于是，在送他过去前，我非常积极地祷告，求神与勇齐同在。
出乎我的预料，勇齐在嬷嬷家显得非常开心。他和嬷嬷相处得比我想象中还要融洽。我和东威离开家婆家的时候勇齐正在吃粥。他没有哭闹，这使我们感到无比的平安。
那天晚上，我们参加完教会的琴与炉特会后，还趁机会跑去拍拖看半夜场电影。哇，好久没有这样写意了。。。
第二天，我致电给家婆，打听一下勇齐整个晚上的状况。。感谢耶稣，我的家婆说勇齐没有哭也没有找我。整个晚上睡得很好。吃也吃得很好。哇，我听了实在开心得很。于是便“ 得寸进尺”，决定约堂妹去逛街、吃饭，下午才去接孩子。哈哈哈。。太开心了。神真是听祷告。知道勇齐可以独立，我应该可以放心去参加我的“ 夫妻营会” 了。

甜蜜蜜

2007-09-05T21:02:00.000+08:00

有好一段日子没有上网写部落格了。。。
勇齐的饮食已经稳定了。他每三个钟头和150 毫升的奶。午餐和晚餐都会吃一大碗的粥。
很喜欢喂勇齐吃粥，因为他吃得很快很大口。他现在吃的量可以和咏恩现在吃的量不相上下。虽然勇齐的身材没有咏恩当年同年龄时“ 大只”，但他的食量真的很惊人。我想这就是男生和女生的区别。
有孩子真的很幸福。虽然有时他们很烦人，但多数时候他们会让我和东威感到欣慰和满足。
东威每天早上上班前都会到床边给我和孩子每人一个吻。那天我和咏恩起得早，窝赃在厨房准备煮粥的材料，咏恩在门口送爸爸上班。临走前，东威给了咏恩一个吻，哪知这个家伙接受吻后，不忘要和妈妈分享好东西，她开口“ 命令” 东威要来亲我一下才可以出门！哈哈哈。。。
今天想和大家一分享我和东威拍拖时和朋友一起到中国旅行的照片。

中国的生活，尤其是乡下，悠哉闲哉，不象新加坡的生活那么紧张。看看我们是不是很想是在伊甸园里头的亚当和夏娃？

要少上网

2007-08-31T12:02:00.000+08:00

勇齐已经完全适应奶瓶了。感谢神。他早上会喝150 毫升，中午吃粥（很多），下午再喝多一罐，傍晚吃粥，晚上睡前再喝多一罐。
自他开始乖乖地喝晚上那顿后，他的晚上睡眠真的是进步了很多，几乎睡彻夜了。
上个月的电话和dial up 帐单来了。数目吓死人，连我都吓了一大跳，东威那方面，你可想而知。。。dial up 费从原本的＄9.50 到$65，电话费从$70 多（包括每三个月一次的charge）到$105！电费也是从$60 多到70 多！！！
我真的为这事非常内疚。他没有责怪我，只是说希望我能够尽量减少。他没有责怪，我更是内疚。我传了一个简讯向他道歉。他回答说没关系，只是希望能够省些钱来捐献。。他这样的态度实在让我感动。我想我真的需要减少用量，也许每星期约两次上网就够了。

与勇齐的战争

2007-08-28T14:53:00.000+08:00

昨天我和勇齐打了整整一天的战。他哭闹是因为我强迫他；我哭闹是因为我施压的强迫失败。。。就这样。。。闹闹闹闹闹。。。从凌晨2 点到昨天晚上11 点。最后，在今天凌晨5 点多，我胜利了！！！！
勇齐一出世就是以我的母乳为主食。在他眼中，我就是他食物的来源。只有在我身上才可以喝到美味可口的奶奶。。。于是，他对奶瓶有着一股莫名其妙的排斥。尤其是装着奶的奶瓶（他可以接受装着开水的奶瓶）。
星期天，我们一家大小大约在11 点钟上床睡觉。勇齐吮吸奶后，就呼呼大睡。但是，不知怎么搞的，他过后一直醒过来找要吮吸。11 点到2 点之间，他居然醒来了最少3 次！！！这令我实在受不了。我想他要的不是奶，而是吮吸的乐趣。在他这么一搞之下，我狠狠地下定决心即刻停止让他吮吸母乳，让他改用奶瓶！
这家伙当然抗议。他看我一直强迫他用奶瓶，便没有喝奶，倒头再睡。就这样，起来闹，强迫用奶瓶，他抗议，挣扎累了，倒头睡。。。连连续续在周一凌晨，早上，下午，晚上一直不停地重播着。。他实行了“ 绝奶抗议”，一整天从凌晨2 点到晚上11 点，只吃了2 顿粥和少许的水和我硬灌下喉的奶水。到了11 点多，他又累又饿。以为我会就范让他吮吸几口（其实当时我真的很内疚，差一点就让他得逞），谁知塞在嘴里的又是那又硬又惹人厌的latex 奶嘴头！他当然挣扎啦，可是我七手八脚地困住他，硬将奶嘴塞在他嘴里。最后，他真的太累了，喝了75ml 的奶粉，然后倒头大睡。
在夜里，他仍然不放弃尝试，但屡试屡败。搞到早上，他终于放弃挣扎，5 点多，他喝了50ml 的母乳（抽出来装在奶瓶里的），然后9 点多醒来，喝了120ml 的抽出母乳，12 点吃粥，2 点又喝了120ml 的奶粉。Yey! 我成功了！！！
真的是太感谢上帝了。我为这事实在迫切地哭泣祷告上帝。上帝是信实的，他不藐视人忧伤的灵和眼泪。我本以为自己需要3 天来打这场战，没想到神让我在24 小时内就可以结束这心灵上（内疚）、精神上（睡不好）和心肝上（心痛！）的煎熬。真是太感谢神了！Thank You faithful Father!
我也要在这里谢谢所有为我们祷告的弟兄姐妹。在无助的时候，我总是会想到你们。特别谢谢二姐家玉、美珍、Susan、Michelle 在这阶段一直以短讯安慰我、鼓励我要撑下去。也要谢谢素萍给我的一些忠告。谢谢大家！爱死你们了！Muak!

相当年。。。

2007-08-26T19:37:00.000+08:00

嘻嘻嘻。。。上一回上载的照片是十多年前拍的。今天想让大家看看更久的 tood tood 照片。嘻嘻嘻。。。可能会笑死你。

这是我14 岁的样子。样子很好笑对吗？在13 到18 岁之间，我多是以中性打扮。由于家里没有兄弟，于是以为自己这样的打扮可以安慰没有男孩的父母。有时使用公厕会让人误会以为自己进错厕所。买衣服时，店员会开口问：“ 小弟，要什么？”

记得有一回自己参加堂妹的生日会，在当中看见另一个中性打扮的“ 臭tomboy”。这个家伙的言行举动实在叫我倒胃。回到家我立刻反省，决定不再做中性打扮，因为我想自己可能也和她一样让人感到恶心。事后我问母亲，她告诉我其实我的中性打扮不但没有让她觉得安慰，反而让她多次难堪。。。还好，我即时改过来。

这是由中性打扮改过来的初阶段。当时的我应该是18、19 岁。头发已开始慢慢留长。

这是我“ 弃 tomboyish，投 girlish” 的第一套女性服装。当时我与母亲很盛行打扮美美然后摆姿势拍照。看，我这个pose 很“ 迷人” 吧？

这是我20 岁时与嬷嬷的合影。当时我的头发已经长到可以绑起来了，只是身材还会稍胖。。

这是1998 年拍的理工学院毕业照。当时的我已经成功“ 转型”。头发与身段都有了很大的进步。

98 年底，我决定把我的长发再次剪短。记得当时与母亲商量这决定时，她非常地反对。她非常担心我会走回中性打扮的路。但还好，我身边有堂妹兼好友，Jasmine。是她鼓励我及帮助我成功转型。再次剪短发，有她“ 看” 住我，所以我没有被打回原形。我很幸运。自己在98 年加入了一间证卷公司当任执行人员一职不到一年，公司就因庆祝周年纪念（忘了多少周年纪念了），出钱让全部员工到澳洲去旅行和参加公司的D&D。自己在这间公司服务了大约两年，在99 年10 月我离职加入BCSS 学生中心当老师。

之后的我，有留长发时，也有留短发时。这是东威硕士毕业时与我合影的一张照片。当时我们刚刚才走在一起。当年应该是2001 年的事。和我母亲一样，东威也不是很喜欢我剪短发。他说他比较喜欢我长头发的样子。

这是新婚时期，2004 年农历新年在教会唱卡拉OK 时拍的。在旁人的“ 催逼” 下，东威与我合唱了“ 在雨中”。这是他唯一的拿手歌曲。（“ 拿手” 的意思是比较不会走太惊人的音）

唉，同样是农历新年（这次是2007 年），同样有我们两人（只是再加另外两个），可是风采不再依旧。这回的短发是因为生勇齐要坐月子剪的。当时勇齐才4 个月大。

这是我和东威的近照（7 月拍的）看看我们身上的衣装就不难发现我们的Favourite（最爱）的衣服是哪些。哈哈哈。。。

好了，一口气给大家上载了那么多的照片和珍藏，希望大家会喜欢。可能下次再给大家上载更多” 惊人“ 的照片让大家再度经历“ 目瞪口呆”！哈哈哈。。。

美美一下

2007-08-24T15:03:00.000+08:00

昨天在Susan 的家看了她的结婚照片，里头看见了03 年的自己。看了就。。唉～～～

女人的样子变得可真可怕。我心里不禁想到不知道我老公会不会觉得有一点“ 被骗”。。。连我都一直目不转睛地欣赏当年自己的风采。谁知道现阶段在镜子里头却看见一个“bui bui 的丑女人”。。。最近看电视都听见节目里的人说了这句话：“ 世上没有丑女人，只有懒女人” 我想自己真的是很“ 懒得” 打扮。哪里有空？！？！？况且，有时间逛街或有钱买东西时，我会先考虑买衣服或玩具给孩子们。因为看见他们开心，我就会开心。再者，自己橱里的衣服已经挤不下了，每次想打扮一下，看见“ 衣服本来刚刚好，怎么现在穿不下” 的状况时，便“ 累(sian) 一半”！

刚才心血来潮，搜了搜旧照片，看见了自己从前美美的样子。于是趁勇齐睡觉，快快scan 进电脑，准备给大家“ 秀” 一下：

怎样？没把你们给吓着吧？有纯纯的，也有浓妆艳抹的。

等勇齐断奶后，我就去减肥然后再度美美一下。

哎呀，计划归计划，谁知道上帝会不会半路给我另一个BB，若是如此，计划又要延后了。

要勇齐断奶

2007-08-20T12:27:00.000+08:00

我很想去旅行，就是到马来西亚我也甘愿，只要是到外头过个三、四天也好。真的很想旅行，就算要携带家里的两个宝贝，我也会很开心。真的很想旅行。

原本以为国庆期间教会有到马国的领袖退休会，日盼夜盼，谁知道，最后大家决定把钱省下来给宣教士。。。也是，我要的是玩乐，宣教士可是作正经事。。。可能就是这样，上帝给了我到竹脚妇幼医院渡假 instead。哈哈哈！！

翠娴姐告诉我说年底有一个夫妻营。哇，对我来说真是另一个给我“ 盼望” 的事。可是，我担心自己会去不成因为这个营会，孩子不能去，也就是说，若我去这营会，勇齐就必须在这几天喝奶粉。但是勇齐除了在生病期间愿意喝奶粉，过后一见到奶瓶就开始"bu bu bu" 地抗议了。

我今天狠心地饿了他一个早上，坚持要他和奶瓶里的奶。可是最终我还是投降了。他整整饿了2 个钟头，仍然非常硬颈项地拒绝奶粉。怎么办呢？

翠娴姐告诉我祷告。我有啊。可祷告也要有行动。我不忍心呀！我听过有人曾饿了自己的孩子半天才成功地要他喝奶瓶里的奶（断奶）。喂人奶确实对孩子和母亲都好。只是来到断奶的事，真是有些让我措手不及。

主啊，求您帮助我和勇齐。求您给我有智慧，知道怎么样帮助勇齐断奶。求您也帮助勇齐，让他不要抗拒喝奶瓶里的奶。谢谢耶稣。奉您的名字祷告，啊们。

勇齐：求主帮我断奶。啊们！

被宠坏的家伙

2007-08-17T15:53:00.000+08:00

陈咏恩昨天晚上回家了。这个家伙，真的是被公公嬷嬷宠到令我受不了。真的是那种她要什么，就给什么的那种Loh。。。

公公嬷嬷要回家的时候，她又象上一回那样又哭又闹。那时我真的是忍到骨子里头了。。还好这家伙醒目，在关键时刻停止哭闹，愿意让我抱，和公公嬷嬷道别。否则。。。哼，后果可不堪设想！

你可否想象嬷嬷是带着一脸笑容、一幅感到骄傲的模样向我投诉这家伙是怎么“ 虐待” 她，“ 命令” 她老人家不可看电视一定要看她假设为“ 录影机” 的玩具，且在老人家不依她时她便强硬地掰开嬷嬷的眼皮的情景吗？听见她的投诉再加上看见这老人家的得意模样，更加上在现场的咏恩在那里自以为厉害的样子（她最近常告诉弟弟说姐姐很凶的，你不要惹我！）。。。我能怎么样呢？我当时说了一句：“ 咏恩，妈咪不是告诉你不可以欺负公公嬷嬷吗？你若再这样，妈咪要打你了。” 谁知嬷嬷在后面又加多一句：“ 她才不怕！” 啊～～～～～！！！！

想象这次回来就带来了公公买的3 片影碟、一个玩具电话（家里已经有4 个了，都是公公买的）、一个糖果玩具、一个吹泡泡玩具。。。唉，难怪，现在是月头。嬷嬷说公公在月头有钱的时候就会带咏恩到处去，阔气地乱买一番。月底没钱时，只会带她去海边。。东威遇见他老爸这样的作为，我只能说“ 一物克一物”！

昨天让我又好气又好笑的是，当咏恩要吃粥时，她突然说：“ 不要谢谢耶稣（指的是谢饭祷告）因为嬷嬷没有谢谢耶稣。” Alemak! 心想，要么就是小家伙知道在嬷嬷家无需作谢饭祷，不然就是在那里作谢饭祷时给嬷嬷骂。。。

其实有时候我很想不要让她去嬷嬷家过夜。可又不能否认嬷嬷确实在这方面帮我很大的忙，尤其是这一次勇齐入院的情况。哎呀呀。。。

明年咏恩要上幼儿班了，恐怕老人家会要求我让她在那里渡过周末。想这是我不会答应的因为我希望咏恩尽可能出息每一次的主日聚会。怎么办？求耶稣给我智慧处理这事吧！

又是照片。。。

2007-08-16T16:54:00.000+08:00

大家好，唉，刚刚才 log on，老板就回来了。。。还顺口说了一句：“ 不要用太多 Internet hor...”

Anyway, 今天原本就打算让大家看看一些照片而已。。 Enjoy:

弟弟在学爬的时候，咏恩也不甘示弱地亮出她的“ 蛤蚂功” 来向弟弟讨教讨教。。。

生 命 的 幕 后 花 絮

29/7/2011 外婆走了

最近比较烦

真爱

给 咏 恩 的 信（ 一）

squeak squeak squeak....

$$$的牢骚

Pets

The pregnancy game

Our children, our future... is our responsibility....

Why chinese should not have Christrian name...

MORNING WAR

妈妈的虚荣心

meet the parent session

妈妈的心

thinking back...

shoo shoo jaundice!!!

Many many thoughts...

recuperating at home

Wait wait wait... To welcome my yongjie soon

everything is ready for yongjie

wait wait wait....

give thanks

will be induced during march holiday

Good year of blessingssssss.....

新年的展望

宝贝的名字出炉了！

Bintan family trip

shoo shoo gestational diebetes...

梁文寧 李麗娜 李麗婷 - 童謠1987

another teapot

PDA Video

update update update...

Thank God

Its soooo exciting....

how to handle kids tantrum

Bed Bugs- Preventions And Remedies

May God give me wisdom

back from malaysia

Thank God

张克帆 - 爱错了

永远是你/温兆伦

mtv

nowdays student's chinese standard...

yongqi long bia

when i get old

niam niam cham

fredo died

lecture from Yongen

haiz haiz haiz

Thanks giving

i wish?!?!

ACHIEVEMENTS

tough 3 months ahead

煮 妇 心 声

sweet dream

"EMO" too?

Yongle Found in Heaven...

finally!!!

Heart of Worship

misses

Gift from JESUS

blog is revived!

Here's a MUST SEE video! (a tear jerker, kleenex required)

Please, stop the barbaric fur industry!

Those were the days

The Last Lecture

FWW Entertaining Musik Prduction

Sacrifice-Bob Fitts- With lyrics.

Lord My Dearest Friend 最知心的朋友

My Redeemer Lives - Nicole C. Mullen

相 亲 相 爱 一 家 人

My view on the video

My Redeemer Lives

do what i could and what i should....

战 争

ernie and elmo

A Wedding Party

郭富城 - 到底有誰能夠告訴我

可 否 回 头

生命的幕后花絮

给咏恩的信（一）

梁文寧李麗娜李麗婷 - 童謠1987

煮妇心声

相亲相爱一家人

战争

可否回头

07 年回顾，08 年展望

婚姻的可贵

KLUANG 一日游

吾爱吾“ 工”

一个教训

我需要智慧：嬷嬷家or 托儿所

令人想念的日子

我的女婿人选。。。

我爱演戏

勇齐的第一次

甜蜜蜜

要少上网

与勇齐的战争

相当年。。。

美美一下

要勇齐断奶

被宠坏的家伙

又是照片。。。